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Post by StatesideStokie on Oct 24, 2017 3:30:34 GMT
What's green and smells like pork?
Kermit's finger.
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Post by Cast no shadow on Oct 25, 2017 5:49:12 GMT
Whats brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr Dre.
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Post by pretzel on Oct 25, 2017 10:32:08 GMT
I bleached my anal hair last night...
It's good to change your ringtone every now and then.
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Post by samba :) on Oct 25, 2017 10:36:24 GMT
I asked a fat man why he was so fat
He said it runs in the family
I replied "no nobody runs in your family"
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Post by samba :) on Oct 25, 2017 10:36:59 GMT
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger. 😂😂😂
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Post by pretzel on Oct 25, 2017 10:47:19 GMT
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger. What's pink and wrinkled and smells of ginger? Fred Astaire's knob
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2017 19:21:52 GMT
Found a steering wheel in my pants
It was driving me nutts
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Post by chuffedstokie on Oct 26, 2017 19:24:40 GMT
Found a steering wheel in my pants It was driving me nutts Bob Monkhouse lives!!!.😁
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Oct 26, 2017 21:56:16 GMT
My Dog keeps chasing this boy on a bike,it's come to the point where I am going to have to take the bike off the Dog.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2017 22:28:07 GMT
Found a steering wheel in my pants It was driving me nutts Bob Monkhouse lives!!!.😁 I thought Bernie shot a bolt through him
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Post by tonyrv on Oct 26, 2017 22:58:21 GMT
I was walking down the street the other day, and someone threw a block of cheese out of their car window at me, I shouted “that wasn`t very mature was it”
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Post by pearo on Oct 28, 2017 10:29:15 GMT
How do the Welsh eat their cheese......
Caerphilly
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Post by Ygor on Oct 28, 2017 14:43:22 GMT
Man walks into chiropodist and flops his dick on to the table.
Chiropodist says "That inner a foot"
Man says "Well you're not to half an inch are yer?"
Ok...I'll get my coat...
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Post by samba :) on Oct 28, 2017 18:16:02 GMT
Man walks into chiropodist and flops his dick on to the table. Chiropodist says "That inner a foot" Man says "Well you're not to half an inch are yer?" Ok...I'll get my coat... Put your dick away before you get your coat
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Post by Ygor on Oct 28, 2017 18:20:51 GMT
Man walks into chiropodist and flops his dick on to the table. Chiropodist says "That inner a foot" Man says "Well you're not to half an inch are yer?" Ok...I'll get my coat... Put your dick away before you get your coat You've obviously seen me at the urinals at the Bet365.
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Post by samba :) on Oct 28, 2017 18:22:27 GMT
Put your dick away before you get your coat You've obviously seen me at the urinals at the Bet365. bollocks i really embarressingly badly have walked into one there
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Post by Bick on Oct 30, 2017 7:07:58 GMT
I've started a band called "999 Megabytes".
Still haven't got a gig.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2017 7:10:26 GMT
The Car of The Year, as voted by readers of Woman Magazine is......................................
A Blue One.
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Post by pretzel on Oct 30, 2017 20:30:10 GMT
Q. How can you tell what sex an ant is?
A. Place it in a bucket of water.
If it sinks it must be a girl... because it's obviously not boy ant
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Post by samba :) on Oct 30, 2017 23:26:01 GMT
Q. How can you tell what sex an ant is? A. Place it in a bucket of water. If it sinks it must be a girl... because it's obviously not boy ant thats potentially the worst joke in the world 😂
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2017 3:34:41 GMT
Q. How can you tell what sex an ant is? A. Place it in a bucket of water. If it sinks it must be a girl... because it's obviously not boy ant thats potentially the worst joke in the world 😂 Are you adamant about that.
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Post by Cast no shadow on Oct 31, 2017 6:40:13 GMT
Son: Why is my sister called Teresa? Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram Son: Thanks dad Dad: No problem Alan
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Post by Bick on Oct 31, 2017 7:05:29 GMT
The recipe said "Put the stew in the oven at 180 degrees"
So I did.
Now it's all over the bottom of my fucking oven.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Nov 2, 2017 21:16:44 GMT
Apparently 2 in 5 Swedes are conceived in an IKEA bed, which is unbelievable to me because the stores are very well lit.
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Post by Bick on Nov 3, 2017 7:08:01 GMT
There were 10 in the bed and the little one said...
"These NHS cuts are ridiculous."
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Post by auntiegeorge on Nov 3, 2017 9:22:30 GMT
A man went into a cobblers to have his boots soled. He went back the next day and asked "where are my boots?" The cobbler said "I've sold them, like you asked".
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Post by Northy on Nov 3, 2017 12:40:00 GMT
Two lesbians had barged into the house and were wrestling with the wife in the walk in shower, i tried to help but I could only knock one out!
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Post by Northy on Nov 3, 2017 12:40:45 GMT
"what do you remember most about our Wedding day?" Asked the Wife. I remember we were winning 2:1 with 3 minutes left when the Vicar asked me to take out my earphones!
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Post by Northy on Nov 3, 2017 12:41:20 GMT
Last year my wife was fuming that I forgot to buy her a Christmas present and said that I should go get her something 2 months in advance.
With only 8 weeks until Christmas, I've been and got her present. She's going to love these flowers!
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Post by Northy on Nov 3, 2017 12:42:39 GMT
when I was out fishing with my mate, he said, "you know something, I think I'll split from my missus as she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months." I said." Not a good decision mate, women like that are really hard to find!"
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