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Post by iancransonsknees on Mar 24, 2024 3:10:16 GMT
It's a largely hidden illness in my experience (which isn't much).
When I dealt with the extra care centres around Stoke almost all of the managers had to deal with tenants moving in, with undiagnosed alcohol issues. It was all behind closed doors and they would all have been 55+.
One of the strangest and saddest things I can across was when a leak in a flat was reported. It came from the flat above and the tenant their had to let us in as an emergency to resolve it. They were actually at work (nurse at UHNM). We literally waded through bottles of spirits and mixers all over the flat to get to the bathroom to sort it out.
We had to clear the flat, 3 storeys up, using the type of chute you see on a scaffold when they're re-roofing, and filled 2 palladin waste bins like you'd see outside the back of a bar or restaurant.
I can understand how it takes hold, it's an awful thing to see. I've no useful advice other than to anyone affected by it use this thread to decompress.
If nothing else has ever been worthwhile on this forum this series of messages and responses is worth whatever it costs to facilitate.
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Post by prestwichpotter on Mar 24, 2024 8:42:23 GMT
I am sorry if this is wrong thread - I am really struggling with my wife's alcohol problems and have no idea what to do. She wants to keep it to herself/try to sort on her own, shes not mentioned it to anyone at work *scared she'll get sacked as she is a nurse* She has suffered with depression throughout her life and lost her mum and best friend within 5mths of each other and she's got worse (there have been overlying issues with her previous husband controlling her and basically being an all-round shithouse). She has been to doctors for anti-depressants as she stopped using them over 2mths ago, but I found out last night that shes not even been taking the new anti-depressants as they are not to be taken with alcohol (she never mentioned her drinking to the GP). I am at my wits end, I have taken her to AA meeting about a year ago and she hated it, I have tried to get her to go to CDAS with no joy. I feel like contacting her work to try to get her help but shes terrified that they will just sack her. I dont know what to do One of my partners from way back had a serious alcohol problem, looking back some of the things I did to try and help had the opposite effect. It’s sounds awful but sometimes coming at these issues when you’re seriously emotionally invested make them far more complicated and you can be more of a hindrance than a help. My only advice would be to seek professional help as others have already suggested. These experts have seen every conceivable scenario, please do not suffer in silence.
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Post by Seymour Beaver on Mar 24, 2024 10:34:00 GMT
I am sorry if this is wrong thread - I am really struggling with my wife's alcohol problems and have no idea what to do. She wants to keep it to herself/try to sort on her own, shes not mentioned it to anyone at work *scared she'll get sacked as she is a nurse* She has suffered with depression throughout her life and lost her mum and best friend within 5mths of each other and she's got worse (there have been overlying issues with her previous husband controlling her and basically being an all-round shithouse). She has been to doctors for anti-depressants as she stopped using them over 2mths ago, but I found out last night that shes not even been taking the new anti-depressants as they are not to be taken with alcohol (she never mentioned her drinking to the GP). I am at my wits end, I have taken her to AA meeting about a year ago and she hated it, I have tried to get her to go to CDAS with no joy. I feel like contacting her work to try to get her help but shes terrified that they will just sack her. I dont know what to do Assuming her employer is the NHS I would hope they would not sack her as they should recognise alcoholism for what it is - an illness. Certainly the company I worked for did not sack you - they recognised you as ill and had you sign up to a D&A (Drugs & Alcohol) programme. Only if you refused to engage with the programme or turned up to work under the influence did they start disciplinary proceedings. It might be helpful therefore to somehow find out what the employer's policy is BEFORE you approach them so that you know you're likely to get a soft landing. I think that your wife being scared of losing her job is helpful - it's obviously something she values that she might put above booze and therefore gives you leverage - I remember Paul Weller saying it was only the fear of losing his wife that made him quit the bottle 11 years ago. It's the 'Rock Bottom' people talk about - as long as addicts think they can get away with hiding it they will continue. Maybe fear of losing her job is Rock Bottom for your wife as another divorce was for Weller. I would also suggest you tell your wife before you talk to her employer. All addicts are liars - much of it to themselves. You don't want two liars in the house trying to outwit each other. Keep the moral high ground and let her know your doing it because you love her. As someone else has said. Get help you can't do this alone, no-one can. But also set your boundary. How far are you willing to let this go on? Alcoholism is an illness, but it's an illness with treatments and which you can help yourself. And as with any illness in which the patient is not willing to help themselves there's not too much you can do. There's no point in two of you going yo an early grave. Sorry to be brutal, but that's the reality. Not sure if that's been of any help, but even if it hasn't I wish you all the best because Well Done You for reaching out.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Mar 24, 2024 14:08:57 GMT
I am sorry if this is wrong thread - I am really struggling with my wife's alcohol problems and have no idea what to do. She wants to keep it to herself/try to sort on her own, shes not mentioned it to anyone at work *scared she'll get sacked as she is a nurse* She has suffered with depression throughout her life and lost her mum and best friend within 5mths of each other and she's got worse (there have been overlying issues with her previous husband controlling her and basically being an all-round shithouse). She has been to doctors for anti-depressants as she stopped using them over 2mths ago, but I found out last night that shes not even been taking the new anti-depressants as they are not to be taken with alcohol (she never mentioned her drinking to the GP). I am at my wits end, I have taken her to AA meeting about a year ago and she hated it, I have tried to get her to go to CDAS with no joy. I feel like contacting her work to try to get her help but shes terrified that they will just sack her. I dont know what to do Assuming her employer is the NHS I would hope they would not sack her as they should recognise alcoholism for what it is - an illness. Certainly the company I worked for did not sack you - they recognised you as ill and had you sign up to a D&A (Drugs & Alcohol) programme. Only if you refused to engage with the programme or turned up to work under the influence did they start disciplinary proceedings. It might be helpful therefore to somehow find out what the employer's policy is BEFORE you approach them so that you know you're likely to get a soft landing. I think that your wife being scared of losing her job is helpful - it's obviously something she values that she might put above booze and therefore gives you leverage - I remember Paul Weller saying it was only the fear of losing his wife that made him quit the bottle 11 years ago. It's the 'Rock Bottom' people talk about - as long as addicts think they can get away with hiding it they will continue. Maybe fear of losing her job is Rock Bottom for your wife as another divorce was for Weller. I would also suggest you tell your wife before you talk to her employer. All addicts are liars - much of it to themselves. You don't want two liars in the house trying to outwit each other. Keep the moral high ground and let her know your doing it because you love her. As someone else has said. Get help you can't do this alone, no-one can. But also set your boundary. How far are you willing to let this go on? Alcoholism is an illness, but it's an illness with treatments and which you can help yourself. And as with any illness in which the patient is not willing to help themselves there's not too much you can do. There's no point in two of you going yo an early grave. Sorry to be brutal, but that's the reality. Not sure if that's been of any help, but even if it hasn't I wish you all the best because Well Done You for reaching out. Good post, that last paragraph about the patient helping themselves is very salient.
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Post by hamsta2 on Mar 24, 2024 16:01:52 GMT
After two postponements I’m going in for my vascular op on Wednesday. Will be in a high dependency unit after for about a week and transported to a diff hospital ( closer to home ). At one point I was told I had an aortic aneurysm but that does not appear to be the case thankfully.
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Mar 24, 2024 16:10:45 GMT
After two postponements I’m going in for my vascular op on Wednesday. Will be in a high dependency unit after for about a week and transported to a diff hospital ( closer to home ). At one point I was told I had an aortic aneurysm but that does not appear to be the case thankfully. Best of luck hamsta👍🏻 don’t forget to put your “guess the attendance” guess in before you go in!
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Post by hamsta2 on Mar 24, 2024 16:24:06 GMT
Ta. I’ll do that. Leaving the tools of my hobby at home. Don’t want to tempt fate.
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Post by mickeythemaestro on Mar 24, 2024 17:37:11 GMT
After two postponements I’m going in for my vascular op on Wednesday. Will be in a high dependency unit after for about a week and transported to a diff hospital ( closer to home ). At one point I was told I had an aortic aneurysm but that does not appear to be the case thankfully. Good luck chief 🙏
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Post by bigjohnritchie on Mar 24, 2024 18:53:42 GMT
After two postponements I’m going in for my vascular op on Wednesday. Will be in a high dependency unit after for about a week and transported to a diff hospital ( closer to home ). At one point I was told I had an aortic aneurysm but that does not appear to be the case thankfully. All the best!
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Post by Orbs on Mar 24, 2024 20:49:26 GMT
After two postponements I’m going in for my vascular op on Wednesday. Will be in a high dependency unit after for about a week and transported to a diff hospital ( closer to home ). At one point I was told I had an aortic aneurysm but that does not appear to be the case thankfully. Best of luck hamsta👍🏻 don’t forget to put your “guess the attendance” guess in before you go in! I reckon it’ll be 6 - 1 anaesthetist, 1 surgeon, 1 consultant, 2 nurses and a sewer-upper.
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Post by mickeythemaestro on Mar 24, 2024 20:51:09 GMT
Best of luck hamsta👍🏻 don’t forget to put your “guess the attendance” guess in before you go in! I reckon it’ll be 6 - 1 anaesthetist, 1 surgeon, 1 consultant, 2 nurses and a sewer-upper. 6 pairs of well qualified safe hands. He'll be orate 🙏
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Mar 24, 2024 20:51:34 GMT
Best of luck hamsta👍🏻 don’t forget to put your “guess the attendance” guess in before you go in! I reckon it’ll be 6 - 1 anaesthetist, 1 surgeon, 1 consultant, 2 nurses and a sewer-upper. Don’t forget the good looking young apprentice they shoehorn in
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Post by Orbs on Mar 24, 2024 20:53:08 GMT
I reckon it’ll be 6 - 1 anaesthetist, 1 surgeon, 1 consultant, 2 nurses and a sewer-upper. 6 pairs of well qualified safe hands. He'll be orate 🙏 100%
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Post by mickeythemaestro on Mar 24, 2024 20:57:07 GMT
I reckon it’ll be 6 - 1 anaesthetist, 1 surgeon, 1 consultant, 2 nurses and a sewer-upper. Don’t forget the good looking young apprentice they shoehorn in Kin hell that reminds me of the time 25 odd years ago I had to pay a visit to the old STD clinic for the old stick down the Japs eye. The nurse asked if the trainee could observe and in my nervousness I just agreed on the basis I wanted out sharpish.......well in wanders what I would describe as a 9.5 out of 10 grade A stunner. Fuck me I've never been so embarrassed in all my life 😆 And in my nervousness my usual 9 incher on slack had retreated back in its cave 😆 🤣
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Mar 24, 2024 20:57:53 GMT
I reckon it’ll be 6 - 1 anaesthetist, 1 surgeon, 1 consultant, 2 nurses and a sewer-upper. 6 pairs of well qualified safe hands. He'll be orate 🙏 Good job he’s not going to Crewe, 6 pairs of hands equals 36 fingers in those parts. Could be an advantage I suppose
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Mar 24, 2024 20:59:32 GMT
Don’t forget the good looking young apprentice they shoehorn in Kin hell that reminds me of the time 25 odd years ago I had to pay a visit to the old STD clinic for the old stick down the Japs eye. The nurse asked if the trainee could observe and in my nervousness I just agreed on the basis I wanted out sharpish.......well in wanders what I would describe as a 9.5 out of 10 grade A stunner. Fuck me I've never been so embarrassed in all my life 😆 And in my nervousness my usual 9 incher on slack had retreated back in its cave 😆 🤣 I’ve never been to the hospital and it’s been announced “do you mind if the trainee observes the procedure?” You just can’t say no can you🤣
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Post by Orbs on Mar 24, 2024 21:04:20 GMT
Don’t forget the good looking young apprentice they shoehorn in Kin hell that reminds me of the time 25 odd years ago I had to pay a visit to the old STD clinic for the old stick down the Japs eye. The nurse asked if the trainee could observe and in my nervousness I just agreed on the basis I wanted out sharpish.......well in wanders what I would describe as a 9.5 out of 10 grade A stunner. Fuck me I've never been so embarrassed in all my life 😆 And in my nervousness my usual 9 incher on slack had retreated back in its cave 😆 🤣 ‘on slack’ 😆😆😆
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Post by cdf on Mar 24, 2024 21:05:26 GMT
Isn't mental health an absolute fucker
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Post by mickeythemaestro on Mar 24, 2024 21:20:35 GMT
Kin hell that reminds me of the time 25 odd years ago I had to pay a visit to the old STD clinic for the old stick down the Japs eye. The nurse asked if the trainee could observe and in my nervousness I just agreed on the basis I wanted out sharpish.......well in wanders what I would describe as a 9.5 out of 10 grade A stunner. Fuck me I've never been so embarrassed in all my life 😆 And in my nervousness my usual 9 incher on slack had retreated back in its cave 😆 🤣 ‘on slack’ 😆😆😆 I may have exaggerated a lickle bit 😆 🤣
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Mar 24, 2024 21:23:41 GMT
At least with Hamsta out of action for a few weeks we are all pretty much guaranteed a good nights sleep!
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Mar 24, 2024 21:24:31 GMT
Isn't mental health an absolute fucker It certainly is, are you ok?
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Post by alsagerstokie on Mar 24, 2024 21:31:42 GMT
Best of luck to Hamsta and hope Jim gets things sorted.
Chuff will probably know Tubes story who used to do Soccer AM.
He was a raging alcoholic. Hiding Vodka in football socks and all sorts. The final straw was when his mum found him lying on a train station platform. He got Sober joined the gym then proceeded to have ticker trouble. Hes ok now tho.
I only drink probably once every 2 months. I do have about 5 or 6 pints and a couple of bourbon Whiskeys when i do though.
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Post by Orbs on Mar 24, 2024 21:41:20 GMT
Best of luck to Hamsta and hope Jim gets things sorted. Chuff will probably know Tubes story who used to do Soccer AM. He was a raging alcoholic. Hiding Vodka in football socks and all sorts. The final straw was when his mum found him lying on a train station platform. He got Sober joined the gym then proceeded to have ticker trouble. Hes ok now tho. I only drink probably once every 2 months. I do have about 5 or 6 pints and a couple of bourbon Whiskeys when i do though. Someone was telling me the other day about their mum who they thought they’d got rid of all the alcohol from and then a few weeks later they found vodka in the reservoir of her car that sprays water onto the windscreen to clean it.
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Post by hamsta2 on Mar 25, 2024 0:09:16 GMT
At least with Hamsta out of action for a few weeks we are all pretty much guaranteed a good nights sleep! I wouldn’t bet on it 💀
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Post by hamsta2 on Mar 25, 2024 0:14:40 GMT
6 pairs of well qualified safe hands. He'll be orate 🙏 Good job he’s not going to Crewe, 6 pairs of hands equals 36 fingers in those parts. Could be an advantage I suppose Just caught up with this. I’ve never spent a night in hospital before never mind a week. I’m fine with all of it apart from the catheter. And I’m being spliced open leff right and centre. Catheter though - crossing legs now and with my condition it’s difficul and painful just thinking about it. Cue you swines
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Post by cdf on Mar 25, 2024 8:05:28 GMT
Isn't mental health an absolute fucker It certainly is, are you ok? Thanks asking. I have had a massive dip in it over the past few days but woke up today with a bit more optimism. I really appreciate you askin
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Post by middleoftheboothen on Mar 25, 2024 12:07:46 GMT
After two postponements I’m going in for my vascular op on Wednesday. Will be in a high dependency unit after for about a week and transported to a diff hospital ( closer to home ). At one point I was told I had an aortic aneurysm but that does not appear to be the case thankfully. All the best mate. Hope everything goes smoothly and they look after you whilst in there 👍 You'll be on the mend in no time at all.
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Post by middleoftheboothen on Mar 25, 2024 12:12:35 GMT
Good job he’s not going to Crewe, 6 pairs of hands equals 36 fingers in those parts. Could be an advantage I suppose Just caught up with this. I’ve never spent a night in hospital before never mind a week. I’m fine with all of it apart from the catheter. And I’m being spliced open leff right and centre. Catheter though - crossing legs now and with my condition it’s difficul and painful just thinking about it. Cue you swines I was under when they put mine in so didn't feel a thing. Just uncomfortable until they take it out. When they do take it out close your eyes or look away it's a weird feeling but not painful. You never know you might even enjoy it.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Mar 25, 2024 12:22:39 GMT
Best of luck to Hamsta and hope Jim gets things sorted. Chuff will probably know Tubes story who used to do Soccer AM. He was a raging alcoholic. Hiding Vodka in football socks and all sorts. The final straw was when his mum found him lying on a train station platform. He got Sober joined the gym then proceeded to have ticker trouble. Hes ok now tho. I only drink probably once every 2 months. I do have about 5 or 6 pints and a couple of bourbon Whiskeys when i do though. Did all the hiding thing,it really turns you into a devious lying individual and just about everything else takes a back seat, when you can't focus on the important stuff in your life searching for a way out is so hard. Willpower is everything and like I mentioned earlier you've got to be in the right place physically and mentally.
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Post by gawa on Mar 25, 2024 18:28:05 GMT
It's a largely hidden illness in my experience (which isn't much). When I dealt with the extra care centres around Stoke almost all of the managers had to deal with tenants moving in, with undiagnosed alcohol issues. It was all behind closed doors and they would all have been 55+. One of the strangest and saddest things I can across was when a leak in a flat was reported. It came from the flat above and the tenant their had to let us in as an emergency to resolve it. They were actually at work (nurse at UHNM). We literally waded through bottles of spirits and mixers all over the flat to get to the bathroom to sort it out. We had to clear the flat, 3 storeys up, using the type of chute you see on a scaffold when they're re-roofing, and filled 2 palladin waste bins like you'd see outside the back of a bar or restaurant. I can understand how it takes hold, it's an awful thing to see. I've no useful advice other than to anyone affected by it use this thread to decompress. If nothing else has ever been worthwhile on this forum this series of messages and responses is worth whatever it costs to facilitate. My aunties ex was living in a flat she owns for a few years after they split up. Stopped paying his balls and went awol last summer. In the end my Auntie had to break entry. Every single room was swimming in beer cans. Even the microwave and oven were stuffed with them. Whole place was a pigsty. When she eventually cleared it all out she found a dead turtle in what she thought was an empty tank. She then opened the loft and hundreds more cans came falling down. Filled up 3 or 4 of those big ton bags used for stones. Think she made over a 100 quid from recycling alone. Crazy. He obvs had an alcohol issue but also very spiteful too.
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