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Post by Staffsoatcake on Sept 13, 2024 12:17:43 GMT
A week before a prisoner was to executed by the chair,he was asked what they could do for him,he replied refuse to pay this week's electric bill.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Sept 18, 2024 17:00:57 GMT
Was walking down Elburton High Street shops this morning and noticed a sign in Allisons Butchers Window "Book Turkey for Christmas for just £25". I thought how the fuck does he do it? Across the road TUI want £399.
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Post by colderpotter on Sept 20, 2024 16:40:20 GMT
Was walking down Elburton High Street shops this morning and noticed a sign in Allisons Butchers Window "Book Turkey for Christmas for just £25". I thought how the fuck does he do it? Across the road TUI want £399. Fuck sake - I tried so bloody hard not to laugh at that 😆 |
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Post by lawrieleslie on Sept 22, 2024 17:05:00 GMT
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Sept 23, 2024 10:36:14 GMT
Local community Facebook Page Bingo….is this your community? View AttachmentAbsolutely spot on, along with plenty of “missing cat”/“found cat posts |
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Sept 25, 2024 16:06:55 GMT
Man walks into the Antiques road show with a used Tampon.
He says to the expert"OK clever bollox,tell us what period that's from"?
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Post by claytonscrubs on Sept 25, 2024 16:35:51 GMT
“I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship, but I bottled it.”
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Post by Clayton Wood on Oct 4, 2024 11:32:18 GMT
My wife just gave birth to triplets we've named Eenie, Meenie, and Miney.
Way onner avin any Moe*.
*To be spoken in Potteries dialect.
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Post by flea79 on Oct 4, 2024 12:48:28 GMT
how do you make a gay man fuck a woman?
shit in her cunt!
thank you jimmy carr for that one
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Post by marylandstoke on Oct 4, 2024 18:44:47 GMT
how do you make a gay man fuck a woman? shit in her cunt! thank you jimmy carr for that one Proof indeed that not everything needs recycling. |
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Post by scfcwebby on Oct 8, 2024 14:55:26 GMT
I started dating a homeless woman and recently things have been getting quite serious between us.
Last week she asked me to move out with her
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Post by Clayton Wood on Oct 11, 2024 8:17:29 GMT
As an accountant I'm always hard at work.
But HR keep telling me that it's extremely inappropriate.
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Post by questionable on Oct 11, 2024 19:31:45 GMT
When I was a lad you had to wait until the circus came to town to see fat, tattooed women. Now I just go to Asda.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Oct 15, 2024 16:50:53 GMT
Not a joke but worthy of a place on the joke thread….
A close friend, an ex Commando Gunner not that it’s relevant to his story, woke up this morning to hear his dog barking in the garden. His dog was circling around a rabbit lying covered in dirt on the grass & knowing that his neighbour had a pet white Dutch Long eared rabbit he legged it down to see what was going on. The rabbit was his neighbours but luckily they were out shopping. The rabbit looked stunned but uninjured just covered in dirt but remembering from his Commando training that some animals play dead when in danger he took it and washed off the dirt carefully. He then sneaked into their garden and placed the stunned rabbit in its cage. Later in the morning his neighbours returned home and after ten minutes or so he heard a blood curdling scream. Leaning over the fence he asked what was wrong. My rabbit died yesterday she said and we buried it at bottom of the garden….look it’s back in its cage.
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Oct 15, 2024 17:16:07 GMT
Not a joke but worthy of a place on the joke thread…. A close friend, an ex Commando Gunner not that it’s relevant to his story, woke up this morning to hear his dog barking in the garden. His dog was circling around a rabbit lying covered in dirt on the grass & knowing that his neighbour had a pet white Dutch Long eared rabbit he legged it down to see what was going on. The rabbit was his neighbours but luckily they were out shopping. The rabbit looked stunned but uninjured just covered in dirt but remembering from his Commando training that some animals play dead when in danger he took it and washed off the dirt carefully. He then sneaked into their garden and placed the stunned rabbit in its cage. Later in the morning his neighbours returned home and after ten minutes or so he heard a blood curdling scream. Leaning over the fence he asked what was wrong. My rabbit died yesterday she said and we buried it at bottom of the garden….look it’s back in its cage. 🤣🤣brilliant |
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Post by Clayton Wood on Oct 18, 2024 9:13:04 GMT
A man walks into a pet shop and says “I’d like to buy a fish please”.
The assistant asks “Would you like an aquarium?”
“I just want a bloody fish, I don’t care what star sign it is.”
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Post by Clayton Wood on Oct 25, 2024 9:30:03 GMT
I borrowed the wife's audiobook to listen to on the train. Then I forgot and left it behind when I got off.
I'll never hear the end of it now.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Nov 1, 2024 9:28:12 GMT
Husband: My wife is having a heart attack, send an ambulance quick.
999: What is the address?
Husband: 67 Phaedra Crescent.
999: And how do you spell that?
Husband: P, H, Y... wait, F, H, Y... no P, Y.... fuck it, meet me on Oak Lane, I'll drag her over there.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Nov 1, 2024 9:54:25 GMT
Husband: My wife is having a heart attack, send an ambulance quick. 999: What is the address? Husband: 67 Phaedra Crescent. 999: And how do you spell that? Husband: P, H, Y... wait, F, H, Y... no P, Y.... fuck it, meet me on Oak Lane, I'll drag her over there. 😂😂 |
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Post by meggeth on Nov 1, 2024 14:48:53 GMT
What can't you hear anything when a pterodactyl goes to the toilet?
Cos it's a silent "P".
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Post by chuffedstokie on Nov 5, 2024 20:37:25 GMT
Came out of ASDA this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out. She'd lost all her holiday money. I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50. I don't usually do that kind of thing but I'd just found £2000 in the car park.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Nov 7, 2024 9:16:26 GMT
Mate of mine quit his job at BMW, of course he gave no indication he was leaving.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Nov 8, 2024 10:07:50 GMT
A chameleon couldn’t use its tongue to catch food. He was suffering from
A reptile dysfunction
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Nov 10, 2024 19:01:57 GMT
Why cant they watch television in Afganistan?
Because of the Teleban.
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Post by pretzel on Nov 10, 2024 21:47:50 GMT
Why cant they watch television in Afganistan? Because of the Teleban. An oldie but a goldie  |
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Post by scfcwebby on Nov 13, 2024 20:53:49 GMT
Why cant they watch television in Afganistan? Because of the Teleban. An oldie but a goldie Where did Saddam Hussain keep his CD's? In Iraq |
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Post by pretzel on Nov 13, 2024 23:12:32 GMT
An oldie but a goldie Where did Saddam Hussain keep his CD's? In Iraq You're going to ask us where he kept his armies next, right?  |
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Post by Clayton Wood on Nov 15, 2024 11:34:54 GMT
Two men broke into Boots and stole all the Viagra.
Police put out an alert to be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Nov 15, 2024 17:05:17 GMT
Where did Saddam Hussain keep his CD's? In Iraq You're going to ask us where he kept his armies next, right? In his sleevies, obviously!.😎 |
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Post by lawrieleslie on Nov 16, 2024 8:59:51 GMT
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