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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Feb 10, 2023 16:49:24 GMT
Me: "Good morning vicar, that's a lovely church, how old is it?"
Vicar: "It's Norman".
Me: "Good morning Norman, that's a lovely church, how old is it?"
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Post by mtrstudent on Feb 10, 2023 17:15:12 GMT
I hate 6.9, it's yet another good thing ruined by a period.
(Heard in America, obviously)
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Post by marylandstoke on Feb 10, 2023 18:25:32 GMT
The seven of diamonds.
Sorry, my minds playing tricks with me.
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Post by marylandstoke on Feb 10, 2023 21:01:50 GMT
There’s talk of banning pencils and rulers in local schools.
Where do you draw the line?
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Feb 10, 2023 21:56:35 GMT
There’s talk of banning pencils and rulers in local schools. Where do you draw the line? Getting better D-
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Post by Clayton Wood on Feb 10, 2023 22:29:42 GMT
My maths teacher had an irrational fear of negative numbers. In fact he'd stop at nothing to avoid them.
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Post by Northy on Feb 12, 2023 19:31:12 GMT
I spoke to my psychiatrist about my fear of lifts and escalators, he told me there are steps I could take to get over it.
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Post by marylandstoke on Feb 12, 2023 22:14:46 GMT
I told my therapist I felt like a dog.
He said “Get on the couch and we can talk through it”
I said “ Oh, I’m not allowed on the furniture”
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Post by Northy on Feb 13, 2023 16:47:39 GMT
What rock group has 4 men that don't sing ...
Mount Rushmore
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Post by Northy on Feb 13, 2023 16:48:15 GMT
Just swapped our bed for a trampoline
The wife hit the roof
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Post by dexter97 on Feb 17, 2023 13:57:43 GMT
Orion's belt is a waist of space.
(Very mediocre joke. Three stars)
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Post by stokefc on Feb 17, 2023 18:38:40 GMT
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Post by stokefc on Feb 17, 2023 18:43:25 GMT
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Post by Clayton Wood on Feb 17, 2023 18:53:52 GMT
<In the living room> 'Dad, where did we come from?' 'Well, Adam and Eve had babies. They grew up and had their own babies, until after a long long time we came along.' <In the kitchen> Mum where did we come from?' 'Well, originally there were monkeys and over many years we changed from Chimps to humans.' <Back in the living room> 'Dad you lied! Mum says we came from monkeys!' 'She's just on about her side of the family son.'
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Post by Northy on Feb 17, 2023 20:13:00 GMT
I'm writing a book about Tornados and hurricanes, It's only a draft at the moment
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2023 21:59:23 GMT
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, cuz you've already told her twice.
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Post by hotterpotter on Feb 18, 2023 8:56:25 GMT
I'm writing a book about outside clothing storage solutions in the Himalayas. It's a cliff-hanger.
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Post by hotterpotter on Feb 18, 2023 9:10:40 GMT
I'm writing a book about incorrect use of superglue. It's unputdownable.
p.s. Credit to Northy for the inspiration
p.p.s This is what lying in bed feeling miserable after a kidney operation does to me. I'm sure you all wish me a speedy recovery 🤣
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Post by hotterpotter on Feb 18, 2023 9:12:10 GMT
I'm writing a book about faecal fetishes. It's fucking shit.
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Post by hotterpotter on Feb 18, 2023 9:17:40 GMT
I'm writing a book about a bloke who sets fire to houses when it's raining. It's a slow burn.
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Post by hotterpotter on Feb 18, 2023 13:00:33 GMT
I'm writing a book about the state of roads in the UK. It's going ok but there are far too many plotholes.
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Post by hotterpotter on Feb 18, 2023 13:41:54 GMT
I'm writing a book about biscuits in other countries. It takes a while to get to the crunch.
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Post by hotterpotter on Feb 18, 2023 13:45:28 GMT
I'm writing a book about the ureta. It takes the piss out of kidneys.
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Post by alsagerstokie on Feb 18, 2023 15:46:18 GMT
Your writing alot of fuckin books 🤣
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Post by hotterpotter on Feb 18, 2023 15:55:12 GMT
Your writing alot of fuckin books 🤣 Currently on the eleventh book of the trilogy 👍
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Post by meggeth on Feb 18, 2023 19:06:24 GMT
Your writing alot of fuckin books 🤣 Currently on the eleventh book of the trilogy 👍 The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy - a trilogy in five parts........ Funniest read ever! Sorry, not a joke 😕
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Post by teenagefanclub on Feb 18, 2023 22:46:43 GMT
I’ve heard they are selling knock off aero’s in Beijing
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Post by teenagefanclub on Feb 18, 2023 22:47:20 GMT
Ignore last post it was just Chinese whispers
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Post by Clayton Wood on Feb 19, 2023 13:30:57 GMT
If you are not part of the solution You are part of the precipitation.
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Post by marylandstoke on Feb 20, 2023 12:03:15 GMT
Just failed my driving test for stalling.
In the end the instructor said ‘Just get in the fucking car’
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