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Post by marylandstoke on Feb 24, 2023 18:37:06 GMT
Been trying to learn to speak dolphin.
It was difficult at first but then it just clicked.
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Post by pretzel on Feb 27, 2023 21:26:21 GMT
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Feb 27, 2023 22:13:00 GMT
That’s a pearler. Thank you for making me chuckle as I get to sleep😉
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Post by Northy on Feb 28, 2023 17:11:25 GMT
I was once asked to do some tiling in the pub at The Queen Vic, I never got to finish as the landlady kept yelling, grout my pub
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Post by Northy on Feb 28, 2023 17:12:26 GMT
I was walking up a path, across a field, through a stream, up a hill, over a style, sorry, I’ve just realised I’m rambling again.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Mar 9, 2023 4:29:27 GMT
I've just arrived at one of those Swiss suicide clinics, you know what the bastards have given me for breakfast, cheerios!.
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Post by hotterpotter on Mar 9, 2023 7:46:08 GMT
I've just arrived at one of those Swiss suicide clinics, you know what the bastards have given me for breakfast, cheerios!. I had the same when I attended a residential "play guitar faster" course, only the breakfast was Shreddies.
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Post by teenagefanclub on Mar 9, 2023 7:55:25 GMT
I've just arrived at one of those Swiss suicide clinics, you know what the bastards have given me for breakfast, cheerios!. I had the same when I attended a residential "play guitar faster" course, only the breakfast was Shreddies. I had a similar experience when I attended the 2 day chiropodist course, and they served me corn flakes.
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Post by hotterpotter on Mar 9, 2023 8:02:19 GMT
What cereal do Blur have for breakfast?
All Barn
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Post by Northy on Mar 9, 2023 9:07:15 GMT
My sister Eileen, has one leg shorter than the other.
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Post by Northy on Mar 9, 2023 9:09:32 GMT
The 5 symptoms of Laziness
1..........
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Post by teenagefanclub on Mar 9, 2023 9:11:34 GMT
My sister Eileen, has one leg shorter than the other. She leans?
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Post by Northy on Mar 9, 2023 9:17:23 GMT
I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a screwdriver, turned a few heads.
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Post by Northy on Mar 9, 2023 9:19:43 GMT
I was engaged twice before but never got married, I had a couple of near Mrs
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Post by innocentbystander on Mar 9, 2023 9:58:54 GMT
My sister Eileen, has one leg shorter than the other. At least she has one leg longer than the other to make up for it.
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Post by steve66 on Mar 9, 2023 11:46:13 GMT
Why did Mozart hate all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
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Post by pretzel on Mar 9, 2023 17:21:52 GMT
My sister Eileen, has one leg shorter than the other. Is her surname 'Dover'
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Post by dexter97 on Mar 10, 2023 7:42:11 GMT
Somebody's invented a thought-controlled air freshener.
Makes scents if you think about it.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Mar 10, 2023 7:50:39 GMT
I was walking up a path, across a field, through a stream, up a hill, over a style, sorry, I’ve just realised I’m rambling again. Think I’ve said this before but I recently tried our village rambling society but decided not to join……they just kept going on and on.
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Mar 10, 2023 9:26:19 GMT
A pub near me had a party for Burns Night & Chinese New Year. It’s called Chinese Burns Night….I wasn’t going to go but they twisted my arm.
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Mar 10, 2023 9:31:14 GMT
My nephew who is studying for a history exam asked me if I know anything about Galileo. I told him he's just a poor boy from a poor family...
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Mar 10, 2023 9:51:08 GMT
Many years ago a good friend of mine rang me to say his wife had emptied the house they owned and left him for another fella, he was devastated. All his friends including me rallied round him and tried to take his mind off his excruciating pain, this all kicked off on a Thursday.
On the Sunday a few of us including my devastated mate went to watch a Sunday league game, we were driving to the match and he said:
"she's taken everything from the house, I went into the loft today, she's even taken the Christmas Tree, it doesn't look like she's coming back does it?"
One of his best friends replied:
"not before fucking Christmas anyway"
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Post by Northy on Mar 10, 2023 10:16:26 GMT
Scientists have developed an air freshener that is controlled by the mind.
When you think about it, it makes scents.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Mar 10, 2023 11:25:59 GMT
I lay awake all night trying to work out where the sun goes when it's dark.
Then it just dawned on me.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Mar 10, 2023 12:07:41 GMT
What do you call a sleepwalking vicar?
Roaming' Catholic.
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Post by marylandstoke on Mar 10, 2023 22:25:44 GMT
I've just arrived at one of those Swiss suicide clinics, you know what the bastards have given me for breakfast, cheerios!. I had the same when I attended a residential "play guitar faster" course, only the breakfast was Shreddies. Well played
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Post by marylandstoke on Mar 10, 2023 22:33:57 GMT
Was in the gents the other day and the bloke next to me was having a terrible time.
Theres piss going out, going up, going in all directions.
I waited till he came out and gave him a business card.
He said thank you and asked if was a urologists.
Told him no, it’s a clarinet player, she’ll teach you to hold it.
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Mar 11, 2023 11:15:49 GMT
A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their underpants, and began hoisting the children up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in Year Four.'
"No, love,” he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15"
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Mar 17, 2023 16:09:16 GMT
2 scousers go to Amsterdam on holiday. They go to a brothel and ask if they have got a fat ginger bird with no teeth, a heroin habit and a minge like a vandalised bus seat. The Madam says, "You boys are kinky." They reply, "Not really, we're just looking for our Mum!
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Mar 17, 2023 16:13:30 GMT
There's a woman coming to work tomorrow to talk about sexual harassment in the workplace… Hope she's got big tits!
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