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Post by Clayton Wood on Jul 26, 2017 9:53:33 GMT
Mary had a little lamb, She tied it to a pylon. Ten thousand volts shot up its leg, And turned it all to nylon.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2017 10:45:42 GMT
Little miss muffet sat on a tuffet Knickers all tattered and torn It wasn't the spider that sat down beside her It was little boy blue with his horn.
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Post by davethebass on Jul 26, 2017 21:37:38 GMT
"How do you sell a deaf guy a frog? DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG!" -Lemmy
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Post by broadwayroundabout on Jul 26, 2017 22:12:21 GMT
I was on holiday last week in Barmouth, sat on the beach with me binoculars on the lookout for dolphins, 2 hours pass and not seen one......I thought to myself, "what's the porpoise"
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Post by stokiemarc on Jul 26, 2017 22:38:47 GMT
Two opticians walk into a bar.....you'd have thought that one of them would have seen it!
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Post by broadwayroundabout on Jul 26, 2017 22:49:53 GMT
My favourite poem always makes me chuckle,
Roses are red Violets are blue I've got a knife, now get in the fcuking van!
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Post by broadwayroundabout on Jul 26, 2017 22:51:32 GMT
Took the Mrs out last night......
1 punch, fucking beaut!
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Post by davethebass on Jul 26, 2017 22:57:37 GMT
Roses are red Violets are fucking VIOLET! ffs
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Post by superheroantonius on Jul 26, 2017 23:04:26 GMT
Making love to a woman is like playing the Violin
I don't know how to do it
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Post by superheroantonius on Jul 26, 2017 23:05:42 GMT
I am lying in bed with the mrs
Just told her I love her
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Post by ohbottom on Jul 27, 2017 7:27:19 GMT
Roses are red Bacon is red Poems are hard Bacon
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Jul 27, 2017 7:55:19 GMT
Patient,"Doctor, I have broken my arm in 3 places".
Doctor,"Well don't go to those places".
Newly weds, on honeymoon in Blackpool. The landlady is spying through the keyhole to see what they are up to. She calls her husband to have a look, because the groom is throwing Peanuts up the Brides Fanny. "Shall we try that tonight"?she asks her Husband. "OK then, here is £20, go down the shop, and buy a dozen Coconuts".
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Post by davethebass on Jul 27, 2017 8:16:31 GMT
Bloke with a frog on his head goes to the doctor's "What seems to be the matter?" "I've got a human stuck to my arse"
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Post by davethebass on Jul 27, 2017 8:20:04 GMT
"Doctor Ive got a steering wheel stuck down my trousers" "How did that happen?" "I don't know, but it's driving me nuts!"
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Post by rawli on Jul 27, 2017 17:26:16 GMT
Man walks into a quirky little antique shop and spots this little brass cat..."how much the brass cat mate" he's asks..."it's £25 and there's a really strange story attached to it".,,.bloke says,.."look I'll take the cat but I ain't got time for the story"..so he buys the brass cat and starts walking home,..after a few hundred yards he notices a load of cats following him, so he starts to wonder about the story,..by this time he's got 1000's of cats following him, by this time he's shitting himself so he thinks it's gotta be something to do with the brass cat and the story...so he throws it in the canal and all the cats that were following him jump in the canal after the brass cat and all drown...fella can't believe what he's just seen so he heads back to the shop..."mate about that brass cat you sold me".,,,"Oh have you come back to here the story"?...."Na"...said the bloke..."You got any Muslim ones"? WAITS ANXIOUSLY FOR DOG'S ABUSE FROM THE USUAL SUSPECTS.Because it's wank you mean?
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Post by superheroantonius on Jul 27, 2017 22:18:04 GMT
A man was attacked by a bear at the teddy bears picnic today
Is condition is described as stable but he's not out of the woods yet
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Post by superheroantonius on Jul 27, 2017 22:20:40 GMT
Rowntrees first new box of chocolates in a decade, comes out today
With an exact 50/50 mix of white and dark chocolates
Equality street
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Post by leicspotter on Jul 28, 2017 13:18:34 GMT
My wife's gone to the West Indies.
Jamaica?
No
Barbados
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2017 13:23:48 GMT
Rowntrees first new box of chocolates in a decade, comes out today With an exact 50/50 mix of white and dark chocolates Equality street
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Post by scfcwebby on Jul 28, 2017 18:54:53 GMT
My wife's gone to the West Indies. Jamaica? No Barbados Have I missed the joke or is it meant to be Jamaica? No she wanted to go... Feel free to whoosh me if I have missed the joke 🤔
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Post by broadwayroundabout on Jul 28, 2017 19:50:10 GMT
My wife's gone to the West Indies. Jamaica? No Barbados Have I missed the joke or is it meant to be Jamaica? No she wanted to go... Feel free to whoosh me if I have missed the joke 🤔 Yeh you missed it,😄😄 D'ya make her?
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Post by scfcwebby on Jul 28, 2017 21:24:32 GMT
Have I missed the joke or is it meant to be Jamaica? No she wanted to go... Feel free to whoosh me if I have missed the joke 🤔 Yeh you missed it,😄😄 D'ya make her? I know but the joke should be My wife has gone to the Carribean (West Indies) Jamaica? No, she wanted to go
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Post by chuffedstokie on Jul 28, 2017 22:37:53 GMT
Man goes into the butchers and asks for a pound of bacon, butcher asks "lean back ", man leaning back says, "pound of bacon please ".
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