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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2021 20:02:32 GMT
Two eggs in a frying pan. All of a sudden a sausage comes flying in... "Fucking hell eggs, it's hot in here isn't it"? One egg turns to the other.. "Fuck me, a talking sausage"!
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Post by chuffedstokie on Feb 5, 2021 12:25:42 GMT
How's the diet going? Not well, had eggs for breakfast, Scrambled? No, Cadbury's.
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Post by thevoid on Feb 5, 2021 20:28:15 GMT
Nostalgia isn't as good as it used to be.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Feb 6, 2021 8:10:24 GMT
There was a massive explosion at a French cheese factory......all that was left was de Brie.
A farmer had 196 cows in his field. When he rounded them up he had 200.
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Post by maxplonk on Feb 10, 2021 7:49:04 GMT
I got my mate an Elephant for his living room, He said "Thanks". I said "don't mention it".
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dogso
Academy Starlet
Posts: 229
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Post by dogso on Feb 11, 2021 2:52:00 GMT
I've just started a job in the PR department at a dried grape company. It's all about raisin awareness.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Feb 12, 2021 11:24:14 GMT
Now that everyone has learned to wash their hands properly, next week, indicators.
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Post by marylandstoke on Feb 13, 2021 14:39:29 GMT
If Mo Salah makes Chinese food does he Wok like an Egyptian?
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Post by Squeekster on Feb 13, 2021 19:12:32 GMT
What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug!
What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Dougles!
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Post by maxplonk on Feb 15, 2021 9:30:34 GMT
I’m thinking of starting up a new business recycling discarded chewing gum.
I just need some help getting it off the ground...
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Post by marylandstoke on Feb 15, 2021 19:51:09 GMT
I’m thinking of starting up a new business recycling discarded chewing gum. I just need some help getting it off the ground... Why do elephants have big ears? Because noddy won’t pay the ransom.
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Post by maxplonk on Feb 16, 2021 12:03:31 GMT
50 years today decimalization was introduced.
I still can't see the point.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2021 7:27:38 GMT
What’s the difference between an Indian and an African Elephant?
Ones an Elephant
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Post by wykepotter on Feb 18, 2021 7:49:27 GMT
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
You put it in a microwave until it’s bill withers...
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Post by maxplonk on Feb 20, 2021 18:05:05 GMT
My friend said he didn’t understand cloning.
I said, “That makes two of us...”
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Post by Kpsje on Feb 24, 2021 18:04:39 GMT
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Post by wrighter on Feb 24, 2021 18:20:57 GMT
Apathy is slowly destroying our way of life
personally i coulnt give a toss
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Post by chuffedstokie on Feb 25, 2021 19:47:27 GMT
My girlfriend asked her hairdresser what sort of cut he would recommend that would make her look pretty, "A power cut" wasn't the answer she was expecting.
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Post by Goonie on Feb 25, 2021 21:49:20 GMT
A stretch of tarmacced lane goes to see a psychiatrist to see if he was schizophrenic
After lengthy testing the psychiatrist says "the good news is you're not schizophrenic but the bad news is you're a cyclepath
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Post by innocentbystander on Mar 1, 2021 9:41:04 GMT
My mate failed his Australian Aboriginal Instruments exam. I asked "Did'ya re-do it?"
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Post by maxplonk on Mar 8, 2021 7:35:22 GMT
I’ve invented a new sport called ‘Quiet Tennis‘.
It’s just like normal tennis but without the racket...
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Post by mrcoke on Mar 9, 2021 19:08:05 GMT
Do people use the word lockdown because they can't spell kworrenteen?
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Post by chuffedstokie on Mar 10, 2021 12:01:20 GMT
Q. My child won't eat fish, what can I replace it with?. A. A cat, cats love fish.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Apr 8, 2021 19:35:59 GMT
Did you hear about the motivational speaker who cancelled at the last minute. He couldn't be arsed.
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Post by PotterLog on Apr 8, 2021 22:48:13 GMT
More of a riddle than a joke...
What has four letters, occasionally has twelve letters, always has six letters but never has five letters
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dogso
Academy Starlet
Posts: 229
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Post by dogso on Apr 8, 2021 23:21:29 GMT
More of a riddle than a joke... What has four letters, occasionally has twelve letters, always has six letters but never has five letters I think you're making a bit of a statement there, Potts
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Post by maxplonk on Apr 9, 2021 14:08:29 GMT
I had to go to the doctor after getting hit in a pillow fight.
He diagnosed "concussion".
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dogso
Academy Starlet
Posts: 229
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Post by dogso on Apr 13, 2021 12:59:54 GMT
I asked my new girlfriend to meet me at the gym but she didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
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Post by yeokel on Apr 13, 2021 13:18:45 GMT
More of a riddle than a joke... What has four letters, occasionally has twelve letters, always has six letters but never has five letters When are you going to tell us the answer?
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Post by murphthesurf on Apr 13, 2021 14:11:51 GMT
More of a riddle than a joke... What has four letters, occasionally has twelve letters, always has six letters but never has five letters When are you going to tell us the answer? The answer has nine letters, Yoky!
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