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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2022 16:20:33 GMT
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Post by scfc1863 on Dec 24, 2022 15:16:30 GMT
A clown turned up late on his first day in his new job at the circus and was promptly sacked.
He’s suing for funfair dismissal. 🤡
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Post by redstriper on Dec 29, 2022 14:52:24 GMT
Sales of suppositories are way down, and the two main companies who make them are in a price war to survive.
One of the CEO's commented - "we hate price wars, nobody wins, it's a race to the bottom"
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Post by maxplonk on Jan 1, 2023 12:40:38 GMT
The Mrs. looks over my shoulder as I stare at the pc screen and asks what I'm doing.
Me: Looking for cheap flights. She: Oh, how nice, You might get a nice surprise tonight.
She winks, smiles and goes up to bed.
Funny really, as she's never been interested in darts before. 🤔
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Post by maxplonk on Jan 1, 2023 12:42:01 GMT
I had a Russian advent calendar. Every time I opened a window a Putin critic fell out.
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Post by scfcwebby on Jan 10, 2023 10:21:01 GMT
I'm teaching my four year old to speak Spanish. He can't even say please yet.
That's poor for four
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Jan 11, 2023 11:08:41 GMT
A man has just been ran over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry...
The police said there was no easy way to tell his family!
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Post by marylandstoke on Jan 13, 2023 21:42:59 GMT
A man has just been ran over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry... The police said there was no easy way to tell his family! The only thing that surpassed the confused look on my wife’s face was the fact that this, gem, was what caused it.
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Post by davethebass on Jan 13, 2023 22:00:35 GMT
Q. What's black and white and red all over? A. A nun caught watching porn. Q. What's black and white and red all over and can't turn round in corridors? A. A nun with a javelin through her neck.
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Jan 13, 2023 22:04:28 GMT
Q. What's black and white and red all over? A. A nun caught watching porn. Q. What's black and white and red all over and can't turn round in corridors? A. A nun with a javelin through her neck. That’s so shit it’s good🤣
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Post by svengaliinplatforms on Jan 13, 2023 22:08:04 GMT
I said to the Mrs earlier, "I'm going to make myself a new bike, out of spaghetti"
She laughed, and told me I was an idiot.
You should have seen her face when I rode pasta.
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Post by steve66 on Jan 13, 2023 23:32:17 GMT
Lord of the manor, lord fotheringay went for his nightly bath, tonight however he wanted a drink while bathing, rang the bell and the butler, Waddle appeared, yes my lord what can I help with, my favourite whiskey please, Waddle goes downstairs and returns with whiskey and a water bottle, thank you but why have you brought a water bottle, my lord I heard you say as I left the room “whataboutawaterbottlewaddle”
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Post by noustie on Jan 14, 2023 7:18:25 GMT
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Post by davethebass on Jan 14, 2023 7:28:06 GMT
Two nuns in a bath, one says "where's the soap?", the other one says "it does doesn't it"
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Post by davethebass on Jan 14, 2023 8:07:40 GMT
Nun says to another nun "got up out the wrong side of the bed this morning did we?", other nun says "what makes you say that?". First nun says, "you've got the bishop's shoes on"
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Post by Northy on Jan 14, 2023 8:31:29 GMT
Two nuns in a bath, one says "where's the soap?", the other one says "it does doesn't it" Was it originally by Cleo Rocos in a Kenny Everett sketch?
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Post by noustie on Jan 14, 2023 8:36:04 GMT
Two nuns in a bath, one says "where's the soap?", the other one says "it does doesn't it" Was it originally by Cleo Rocos in a Kenny Everett sketch? I remember it from Vicar of Dibley but could have been pinched from someone else.
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Post by davethebass on Jan 14, 2023 9:08:30 GMT
Two nuns in a bath, one says "where's the soap?", the other one says "it does doesn't it" Was it originally by Cleo Rocos in a Kenny Everett sketch? I've a vague memory it was on the telly, but I can't remember what
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Post by yeokel on Jan 14, 2023 9:55:51 GMT
Two nuns in a bath, one says "where's the soap?", the other one says "it does doesn't it" Was it originally by Cleo Rocos in a Kenny Everett sketch? It’s much older than that. I remember seeing it in a rag mag in the 60s, and I’m sure it existed before that.
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Post by redstriper on Jan 14, 2023 10:17:13 GMT
Two nuns in a bath, one says "where's the soap?", the other one says "it does doesn't it" Was it originally by Cleo Rocos in a Kenny Everett sketch? its pre-dates that i think, because i remember hearing it when i was a young teenager at school and not understanding it
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Post by yeokel on Jan 14, 2023 10:27:18 GMT
Was it originally by Cleo Rocos in a Kenny Everett sketch? its pre-dates that i think, because i remember hearing it when i was a young teenager at school and not understanding it I still don’t understand it
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Post by lancashirelad on Jan 15, 2023 13:27:25 GMT
its pre-dates that i think, because i remember hearing it when i was a young teenager at school and not understanding it I still don’t understand it
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Post by flea79 on Jan 15, 2023 20:39:13 GMT
its pre-dates that i think, because i remember hearing it when i was a young teenager at school and not understanding it I still don’t understand it Me neither can somebody explain it please Edit A quick google has explained it, it’s worse than the girl called rudolf and the history class one!
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Jan 15, 2023 20:41:15 GMT
I still don’t understand it Me neither can somebody explain it please I thought better of the Hartshill brethren Flea!
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Post by flea79 on Jan 15, 2023 20:45:07 GMT
Me neither can somebody explain it please I thought better of the Hartshill brethren Flea! I had to Google it, still struggling to be honest, can’t the nuns just get a dildo instead of wasting soap? It’s only like the two lesbians in Ireland arguing over the rubber bullet
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Jan 17, 2023 19:03:18 GMT
A T-Rex and Velociraptor are sitting in a bar. The Velociraptor points to a Triceratops in the corner and says “Why is he first to get served ?” The T-Rex says “Because he was herbivorous”
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Post by pretzel on Jan 17, 2023 19:28:45 GMT
What do you call someone who pretends to be your father
A faux pa
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Post by hotterpotter on Jan 17, 2023 23:18:16 GMT
I thought better of the Hartshill brethren Flea! I had to Google it, still struggling to be honest, can’t the nuns just get a dildo instead of wasting soap? But then the joke wouldn't work...
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Post by flea79 on Jan 18, 2023 9:01:04 GMT
I had to Google it, still struggling to be honest, can’t the nuns just get a dildo instead of wasting soap? But then the joke wouldn't work... it barely functioned as it was
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Post by marylandstoke on Jan 18, 2023 9:16:12 GMT
Two nuns on a tandem.
One says ‘I’ve never come this way before’ The other says ’Its probably the cobblestones’
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