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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 7, 2021 13:14:02 GMT
Exhausted today.
Was up all night worrying if I was getting insomnia.
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Post by maxplonk on Jul 8, 2021 11:09:06 GMT
My old English Sheepdog only understands commands like,
“ Sit ye!”
“Walkest thou!” and “Comest thee hither!”
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2021 16:07:02 GMT
What animal is always at a baseball game? A bat. Sadly liked that one
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Post by spiderpuss on Jul 9, 2021 16:28:54 GMT
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore. What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? A Doyouthinkhesawrus.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2021 16:46:25 GMT
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Post by meltonjohn on Jul 9, 2021 16:48:06 GMT
This guy is a joke everyday
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2021 16:48:44 GMT
To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.
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Post by danceswithclams on Jul 9, 2021 17:20:31 GMT
Sorry I'm late posting to this thread today. Found out my best friend died of heartburn this morning.
Can't believe Gav is gone.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Jul 9, 2021 17:31:34 GMT
A man and his 10 year old son walk in to Boots and pass the condoms rack. Halting the boy asks, "Dad, what are these?" "They're called condoms son, used by men for safe sex." "I've heard about that at school." The boy picks up a pack of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in here?" "For 6th former boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday." "Cool." He then picks up a 6 pack. "Who uses 6 then?" "That's for when you've left school and gone to university. 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday." "Who need THESE?" as he picks up a 12 pack. "That's for married men son. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2021 17:55:51 GMT
what did the Japanese Armoracia rustican ahorseradish root say to the Antophila insecta that is closely related to the wasp
Wasaap bee?
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 9, 2021 20:20:52 GMT
what did the Japanese Armoracia rustican ahorseradish root say to the Antophila insecta that is closely related to the wasp Wasaap bee? Emo? Is that you?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2021 20:27:04 GMT
what did the Japanese Armoracia rustican ahorseradish root say to the Antophila insecta that is closely related to the wasp Wasaap bee? Emo? Is that you?If referring to the great Emo Philips I take as a compliment
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 10, 2021 3:05:10 GMT
If referring to the great Emo Philips I take as a compliment as meant then chapeau tipped
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Post by Clayton Wood on Jul 11, 2021 8:00:13 GMT
(One for Musik ) The CEO of Ikea has just been elected Prime Minister of Sweden. He is currently assembling his Cabinet.
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Post by Kpsje on Jul 11, 2021 9:31:07 GMT
football fever grips the nation...
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2021 10:22:23 GMT
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic alcoholic who died last week?
He choked on his own Vimto.
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Post by steve66 on Jul 12, 2021 12:12:59 GMT
The guy who started knock knock jokes has been awarded the no bell prize
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 12, 2021 14:00:19 GMT
This is the very last time I will use valet parking.
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Post by maxplonk on Jul 13, 2021 6:26:52 GMT
I found a pen that writes underwater. It writes other words too.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Jul 13, 2021 9:46:08 GMT
We've got really good pet insurance, while our dog was at the vet they gave us a courtesy cat!.
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 13, 2021 13:54:39 GMT
Was in Soho a little while back and there was some guy advertising a 19 year old TV. Ridiculous….. it’s not going to 4K, it’s might not even be HD at that point.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2021 15:10:49 GMT
What do you call KGB agents at a Pet Shop Boys gig?
mince Spies
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Post by dirtclod on Jul 13, 2021 15:33:32 GMT
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Jul 15, 2021 7:43:50 GMT
Five out of six people agree..
Russian roulette is completely safe.
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Post by flea79 on Jul 15, 2021 10:56:13 GMT
statistically 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape
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Post by Clayton Wood on Jul 16, 2021 7:25:17 GMT
I told my wife I'd overheard our milkman bragging he'd shagged every woman bar one in our block of flats. Must be that snotty cow at 23, she replied.
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Post by dutchstokie on Jul 16, 2021 9:56:09 GMT
Whats the best way to annoy Lady Gaga ?
Poker face
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Post by shakermaker on Jul 16, 2021 12:22:01 GMT
Darts legend Andy Fordham has died at the age of 59. No age at all that. I thought he would have at least made 180. (Too soon?)
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Post by danceswithclams on Jul 16, 2021 13:19:13 GMT
Bought an official England branded stationery set from Poundland this morning.
It's missing three pens.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Jul 16, 2021 19:26:18 GMT
The guy at the furniture store told me the sofa would seat 5 people without any problems,
then it occurred to me, I don't know 5 people without any problems.
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