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Post by danceswithclams on May 28, 2021 12:54:47 GMT
Tried using a photo of Hannibal Smith, "Howling Mad" Murdock, and B.A. Baracus to unlock my phone but it didn't work.
It said 'No Face detected'.
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2021 16:13:10 GMT
I was kidnapped by two mime artists once. They did unspeakable things to me.
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Post by marylandstoke on May 28, 2021 18:27:22 GMT
I was kidnapped by two mime artists once. They did unspeakable things to me. What worries me here is the specific of Dee’s joke. He could have just said ‘a’ mime but no, it has to be two? Many, many more questions than answers here I fear.
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2021 19:16:13 GMT
I was kidnapped by two mime artists once. They did unspeakable things to me. What worries me here is the specific of Dee’s joke. He could have just said ‘a’ mime but no, it has to be two? Many, many more questions than answers here I fear. Definitely best not to ask
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2021 19:20:12 GMT
I just got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas' There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count Absolutely diabolical but made me smile
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Post by pretzel on May 31, 2021 19:14:49 GMT
To raise some cash, I've put all my 'dogging' paraphernalia on Ebay. Nobody has placed a bid yet but I've got 18 people watching.
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Post by marylandstoke on Jun 1, 2021 16:53:27 GMT
Just finished reading a book about Stockholm Syndrome.
It was awful at first but by the end I loved it.
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Post by maxplonk on Jun 2, 2021 7:28:27 GMT
'i' before 'e' except after 'c' has been disproved by science.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Jun 2, 2021 16:55:26 GMT
'i' before 'e' except after 'c' has been disproved by science. Sorry to butt in on your joke max but it’s "i" before "e" except after "c" when the sound is "ee" well that’s what Neil told me.
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Post by thfc67 on Jun 2, 2021 17:20:16 GMT
My son is taking part in a social experiment. He has to wear a Man Utd top for 2 weeks to see how people react. So far he has been spat at, punched and verbally abused. It will be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.
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Post by maxplonk on Jun 2, 2021 20:37:43 GMT
'i' before 'e' except after 'c' has been disproved by science. Sorry to butt in on your joke max but it’s "i" before "e" except after "c" when the sound is "ee" well that’s what Neil told me. Sounds a bit weird to me.
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Post by danceswithclams on Jun 4, 2021 8:30:54 GMT
Got kicked out of my positive thinking class.
It was shit anyway.
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Post by Kpsje on Jun 4, 2021 9:31:38 GMT
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Post by Clayton Wood on Jun 4, 2021 9:45:52 GMT
I met my future wife at the zoo.
As soon as I saw her in her uniform I knew she was a keeper.
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Post by thfc67 on Jun 4, 2021 9:49:31 GMT
My wife asked me “What would stop the stairs creaking?”
Apparently ‘Slimming World’ was not the right answer.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Jun 4, 2021 9:53:58 GMT
A nurse was dating a Doctor and got pregnant... The married doctor begged her to keep it a secret and asked her to keep away from the public eye. Nine months later, she came to the hospital for delivery. At the same moment, a priest was admitted for having a large cyst in his prostate gland . The doctor had an idea. He sedates the priest under anaesthesia and removes the cyst . When the priest wakes up, the doctor greets him with the baby and tells that it was a miracle that they found a baby in his prostrate. The priest being a God fearing man didn't question it and took the baby home. 15 years later, after the baby had grown into a young boy, the priest decided to have a chat with him. "Tell me, father" asked the boy. "Look, son. I'm your mother " said the priest " the archbishop is your father".
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2021 12:23:08 GMT
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
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Post by danceswithclams on Jun 4, 2021 12:31:11 GMT
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..." A photon was at the airport check-in desk. The agent asks "do you have any luggage?" The photon says: "No, I'm travelling light"
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2021 12:34:28 GMT
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a pint.
The barman serves the beer and the neutron asks how much it is.
The Barman replies - "For you there's no charge".
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Post by yeokel on Jun 4, 2021 13:55:14 GMT
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Post by marylandstoke on Jun 4, 2021 15:20:53 GMT
Would that be better with ‘dead and alive?’
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Post by danceswithclams on Jun 4, 2021 17:43:28 GMT
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol. Can anyone recommend a decent book on SEO? I've looked online but couldn't find anything.
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Jun 4, 2021 18:23:09 GMT
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Post by scfc1863 on Jun 5, 2021 11:21:48 GMT
I'm worried, I keep receiving bunches of flowers with the heads cut off, possibly a cryptic message.
I think I'm being stalked.
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Post by marylandstoke on Jun 5, 2021 13:28:32 GMT
Just found out 50 Shades of Grey was the best selling book last year.
What is the world coming to?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2021 13:33:35 GMT
Just found out 50 Shades of Grey was the best selling book last year. What is the world coming to? Took me a min. Thought was posted on the wrong thread for a sec Do Americans turn European in bathrooms?
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Post by marylandstoke on Jun 5, 2021 14:22:22 GMT
Just found out 50 Shades of Grey was the best selling book last year. What is the world coming to? Took me a min. Thought was posted on the wrong thread for a sec Do Americans turn European in bathrooms? www.ricksteves.com/travel-tips/health/toilet-tricksI shit you not.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2021 14:26:09 GMT
An old girlfriend of mine left her engagement ring on the toilet cistern years ago and i dropped it in. still to this day she thinks she lost it. Unless she reads this of course
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Post by pretzel on Jun 9, 2021 20:48:06 GMT
If you ever think your job is pointless just remember,
there’s a bloke somewhere in Germany that's fitting indicators to BMW’s.
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Post by scfc1863 on Jun 10, 2021 14:10:11 GMT
Recently stayed at Keswick in Cumbria and decided to visit the famous pencil museum, only to find it closed.
Apparently members of staff have been attacked over recent weeks, police believe the culprit could be a disgruntled ex-employee.
Draw your own conclusions.
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