A junior school teacher is taking an English lesson and having explained the word 'definitely' asks the class to use it correctly in a sentence. Sarah puts her hand up and says, 'the sky is definitely blue. miss." The teacher replies, 'well that's not strictly true. At sunrise or sunset the sky is red." David says, 'the grass is definitely green." 'Good try David, she says, 'but if there is not enough water the grass turns brown.' Little Jonny stands up and ask, 'Do farts have lumps miss?' Annoyed she replies, 'that's nothing to do with the subject. But no they don't.' 'Then in that case I've definitely shit myself, miss.'
Post by DeesideStokie on Sept 18, 2020 11:48:42 GMT
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains.