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Post by Bod on Jul 6, 2022 7:33:42 GMT
I like your thinking. Not sure if Sagan could outkick WVA or Ewan (if he is in contention) but Sagan has started to find form again in the last month and half and he has the advantage that he doesn’t rely on a lead out train and just focuses on a specific wheel or wheels to follow. Mads Pedersen could do well tomorrow too. The climbs won’t faze him and he has a decent finish on him at the end of a rolling day. Which cycling magazine do you work for and if not, can we all send them an email? Beautiful descriptions, funny, pertinent. I couldn’t get in to the starting stages, not even The Bridge (dum dum) the bridge. So caught up a little on here. By the way, the colour matching cock rings? ….asking for a friend. Thanks 👍 Cock rings would have to meet UCI weight limits and Ineos would inevitably want ones which meet the marginal gains criteria. That said, seeing cock rings being distributed into the crowd by the publicity caravan before the race passed by is surely what Henri Desgrange would have wanted.
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Post by stokeuk474 on Jul 6, 2022 9:43:40 GMT
Just looking at today's stage, let's be honest Thomas cannot compete with Pogacar and Roglic on the big climbs anymore, so could he get on the front today and try to open up some gaps? He does have an advantage over those two riding on cobbles and so this is an opportunity to try and gain some time?
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Post by Bod on Jul 6, 2022 9:47:31 GMT
Stage 5.
Potentially the first day where someone abandons the race. Cobbles, wind, broad shouldered rouleurs making climbers weep, 8 months of planning pissed away as you can’t get a wheel change quickly enough and stand forlornly on a French farm track being gives the side eye by the locals, and surely, surely Van der Poel comes out of hibernation and goes full, erm, Van der Poel. Bernard Hinault said that Paris-Roubaix was a ‘piggery.’ He also got off his bike and punched someone in the face who had blocked the road in protest, so Hinault clearly knew a thing or two.
The clichéd race within a race but with a twist, as it will depend on how many risks the GC guys are willing to take. Someone is losing time as there are so many opportunities to be caught out that it’s inevitable. A decent breakaway should go and be given some leeway I would think and then there are a host of contenders who have been waiting to get onto the cobbles. The hope is full gas carnage and no team being able to fully control the race.
In other words, nothing will happen and a Belgian domestique from Lotto will win.
Six of the cobbled sections are in the final 40km and if someone who is a threat goes on the attack early, there will be riders all over the place. I was going to pose the question as to how well Pogacar can ride on cobbles, but he could probably ride on an ice rink without breaking sweat. However, in terms of a team who can ride on cobbles, then UAE are not in the same league as Jumbo, Ineos or Alpecin. For the GC contenders who are realistic enough to know that Pogacar has a clear edge on them in the mountains, then putting him under pressure has to be the plan.
In short, expect crashes, hand-wringing about why this type of stage shouldn’t be in the TdF and someone using the phrase ‘The Tour de France proper has now started.’
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 6, 2022 11:57:53 GMT
I’m going for this being G’s day.
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Post by thepremierbanksy on Jul 6, 2022 12:10:53 GMT
Big test for Pog today. UAE's rouleurs were all out the back yesterday*, so he may well have to just pretend he rides for Jumbo for the day. Would be good if he lost a bit of time to Ineos and Jumbo before the mountains.
Hope none of the big contenders end up crashing and abandoning mind.
*Hirschi is currently in an early iteration of the break so perhaps he's feeling good.
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 6, 2022 14:43:17 GMT
First hour. 51 Kilometers!
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Post by thepremierbanksy on Jul 6, 2022 15:01:02 GMT
Big test for Pog today. UAE's rouleurs were all out the back yesterday*, so he may well have to just pretend he rides for Jumbo for the day. Would be good if he lost a bit of time to Ineos and Jumbo before the mountains. Hope none of the big contenders end up crashing and abandoning mind. *Hirschi is currently in an early iteration of the break so perhaps he's feeling good. Not done too badly ???
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Post by Bod on Jul 6, 2022 18:10:08 GMT
Cobbles are all part of bike racing/cobbles have no place in bike racing* *Delete as applicable.
One word - carnage.
Losers
- WVA - fell off before even reaching the cobbles, then was a bollock hair away from going into the back of the DSM car when he was chasing to get back on. Don’t take the piss son, Geraint doesn’t want his thunder stolen. Van Aert should try riding some cyclo-cross to improve his bike handling skills.
Bettiol - leading the bunch through the first cobbled sector at full gas when he had two teammates in the break up the road. He then repeated the same feat on the latter sections. First-class shithousery.
Cort - getting in a break wearing the polka dots on a stage where there was not one classified climb. Had the temerity to feign cramp at 5km to go, when it was clear that his legs were fine but he actually had a moustache emergency. To paraphrase Clay Davis, that was some shameful shit.
O’Connor. AG2R has one GC rider. They basically fucked him off to fend for himself when he got distanced. Shabby. Wouldn’t have happened if he was a Frenchman who was in with a chance of gloriously finishing 23rd overall.
Van Der Poel - can’t even say anything snarky, as MVDP is tearing my cold heart out as I desperately want him to do well. Last time I felt this pissed off watching sport was, erm, most match days 😂
Vingegaard - had a mechanical, changed onto a bike which was huge (think Cliff Carr trying to drive Dave Bamber’s car without altering the seat position) and then some Keystone Cops level bike swapping between the Jumbo team, which was GIF worthy.
Ewan - fucking hell. That is all.
Roglic - crashed at a point when his team were scattered all over the road due to various factors. By the time he got team mates with him, the race was gone and so was the Tour. Not that he was going to win it anyway. Dislocated shoulder intro the the bargain.
Winners
- WVA! Yes, a winner and a loser. Keeps yellow and green and rode like a man possessed to bring Vingegaard to the chase group and stop him losing a packet to Pogacar. Respect due.
Powless - smart move to get in the break and a really promising rider.
Pogacar - as the saying goes, when he was making any efforts he looked like he wasn’t even breathing hard enough to blow out a candle. Smooth, calm, classy and just blew his rivals away and didn’t look like he was anywhere near on the rivet.
Clarke - the first ever seventy-two year old stage winner.
Quintana - that guy rides like a beast on stages like this. He weighs less than a hot dog sausage but has some skills on tough days where he shouldn’t even be a factor.
Mas - He is now in 22nd place. If you tell me you have seen him once during the race, then your pants must be on fire. A more convincing Invisible Man than Kevin Bacon ever was.
Van der Hoorn - second place, but a winner for the post-race interview. ‘How are you feeling Taco?’ ‘Shit. Really shit.’
Thomas watch - another day where has let down his legions of fans. Cobbled stage, riders going down all over the place and he stays upright. Pretty disrespectful to those of us who expected big things from him.
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 6, 2022 18:37:45 GMT
Cobbles are all part of bike racing/cobbles have no place in bike racing* *Delete as applicable. One word - carnage. Losers - WVA - fell off before even reaching the cobbles, then was a bollock hair away from going into the back of the DSM car when he was chasing to get back on. Don’t take the piss son, Geraint doesn’t want his thunder stolen. Van Aert should try riding some cyclo-cross to improve his bike handling skills. Bettiol - leading the bunch through the first cobbled sector at full gas when he had two teammates in the break up the road. He then repeated the same feat on the latter sections. First-class shithousery. Cort - getting in a break wearing the polka dots on a stage where there was not one classified climb. Had the temerity to feign cramp at 5km to go, when it was clear that his legs were fine but he actually had a moustache emergency. To paraphrase Clay Davis, that was some shameful shit. O’Connor. AG2R has one GC rider. They basically fucked him off to fend for himself when he got distanced. Shabby. Wouldn’t have happened if he was a Frenchman who was in with a chance of gloriously finishing 23rd overall. Van Der Poel - can’t even say anything snarky, as MVDP is tearing my cold heart out as I desperately want him to do well. Last time I felt this pissed off watching sport was, erm, most match days 😂 Vingegaard - had a mechanical, changed onto a bike which was huge (think Cliff Carr trying to drive Dave Bamber’s car without altering the seat position) and then some Keystone Cops level bike swapping between the Jumbo team, which was GIF worthy. Ewan - fucking hell. That is all. Roglic - crashed at a point when his team were scattered all over the road due to various factors. By the time he got team mates with him, the race was gone and so was the Tour. Not that he was going to win it anyway. Dislocated shoulder intro the the bargain. Winners - WVA! Yes, a winner and a loser. Keeps yellow and green and rode like a man possessed to bring Vingegaard to the chase group and stop him losing a packet to Pogacar. Respect due. Powless - smart move to get in the break and a really promising rider. Pogacar - as the saying goes, when he was making any efforts he looked like he wasn’t even breathing hard enough to blow out a candle. Smooth, calm, classy and just blew his rivals away and didn’t look like he was anywhere near on the rivet. Clarke - the first ever seventy-two year old stage winner. Quintana - that guy rides like a beast on stages like this. He weighs less than a hot dog sausage but has some skills on tough days where he shouldn’t even be a factor. Mas - He is now in 22nd place. If you tell me you have seen him once during the race, then your pants must be on fire. A more convincing Invisible Man than Kevin Bacon ever was. Van der Hoorn - second place, but a winner for the post-race interview. ‘How are you feeling Taco?’ ‘Shit. Really shit.’ Thomas watch - another day where has let down his legions of fans. Cobbled stage, riders going down all over the place and he stays upright. Pretty disrespectful to those of us who expected big things from him. I really, really wanted Powless to win it but there was that moment, and they seem to happen in slow motion in top cycling. This is cooool. ?…..Someone, someone, seems to have opened a briefcase of pain Fuck me, the elastic bands just broke
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Post by salopstick on Jul 6, 2022 18:53:21 GMT
Great stage
G still upright
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Post by Bod on Jul 6, 2022 18:56:37 GMT
****This is not a drill.*****
****This is not a drill.*****
****This is not a drill.*****
Thomas-watch update. Anyone who had stage five as their choice on the patented G crashometer can rest easy. It transpires that Thomas did indeed crash. The smart money is that he did it on purpose to get it out of the way.
Edited to add that Roglic popped his dislocated shoulder back in at the roadside, sitting on a spectator’s chair. Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon can get fucked, as that’s how you should do it. Ideally, simultaneously popping the shoulder back in and smoking a Gauloise.
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 6, 2022 19:45:32 GMT
I’ll tell you what.
The Tour de France started today.
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Post by Bod on Jul 6, 2022 20:04:36 GMT
I’ll tell you what. The Tour de France started today. My cap is doffed. Well played.
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 7, 2022 0:32:31 GMT
I’ll tell you what. The Tour de France started today. My cap is doffed. Well played. Tip of the chapeau surely?
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Post by Bod on Jul 7, 2022 6:52:51 GMT
My cap is doffed. Well played. Tip of the chapeau surely? I would have done, but Brexit put a stop to that kind of bonhomie.
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Post by Bod on Jul 7, 2022 17:46:32 GMT
Stage 6.
At 61km to go, I saw Enric Mas. I then spotted him again at 21km left and also at 800m remaining! The last time I felt such a stirring was seeing Steino score against The Shit.
Average speed 49.4km/h. Lazy bastards. Start putting in some effort or I’ll just watch repeats of Bergerac on Drama.
Stefan Kung has an enormous head. If you matched it with Groenwegen’s arse, it would create a terrifying human being.
WVA getting in the doomed break of the day and persisting with it when Fuglsang said ‘Fuck it’ and just gave up and Simmons went along with it like a first year at high school being bullied by the cool older kid to smoke, was interesting to say the least. It was the equivalent of Van Aert getting his chopper out, flopping it on the top tube and saying ‘OK, look at this bad boy’ to the peloton. It was Coates-esque dong exhibiting. Was it a wise move? Probably not. Did it cost WVA a chance at a stage win on a finish which would really suit him? Almost certainly. Has it cost him the yellow jersey? Undeniably. Did I enjoy the spectacle? Oh fuck yes.
Winners
- Pogacar. No words needed.
- Powless. Rock solid ride and almost into the lead. I thought he’d taken yellow initially but I’m a knob and wasn’t paying attention properly.
- Ineos. Yates, Martinez and Thomas have been largely invisible, which is a good sign, and sit well placed on GC as the race heads into the Alps. Pidcock is up there too but I think he has his eyes on two specific stages later in the race.
- Roglic. Made of Slovenian steel (if Slovenia is renowned for poor quality steel, I apologise) and looked unaffected following his crash yesterday.
Quintana. Rode the perfect race for him. He could never win a stage like that, but he was right up there. I hope he can hold some form as we head into the mountains. I don’t ever see him winning this race but can play a big part if he’s on form.
Losers
- I can’t add WVA to the list even though he ended the stage with absolutely nothing (the green jersey doesn’t count because Cavendish has won that and he hates Internet forum people.)
- Simmons. Stayed with WVA and at one point you could see his soul leave his body as he tried to hold Van Aert’s wheel. He was so desperate for a mechanical to give him a chance to stop that he was begging the team car to sprinkle nails on the road in front of him.
- Sagan. Blew up in the finale on a day where he should have done better.
- van Rensburg. Honoured the South African national champions jersey by ending up stacking it into a French field and getting attacked by French farmers as he wasn’t unionised.
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Quote of the day. When asked his thoughts about WVA, Tom Pidcock said ‘He’s playing with our balls isn’t he? He’s taking the piss.’ Well said young Tom, painting a picture with words.
Thomas-watch.
Another disappointing showing from Joe Allen’s favourite cyclist. Moving up the GC is not what the people expect. You are better than that Geraint, so follow your heart and do what needs to be done.
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 8, 2022 13:05:20 GMT
UAE’s bikes are made of Weetabix!
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Post by Bod on Jul 8, 2022 13:22:57 GMT
Into the mountains we go and ‘The Tour de France starts here.’ Generally that isn’t too far from the truth but as Pogacar is going to win by 79 minutes, it all seems like a bit of a non-event. However, Ineos and TJV have been preparing meticulously, whilst BORA are putting all their hopes on Vlasov having some dormant COViD in his system and repeatedly coughing in Pogacar’s face. The issue being that the defending champion is a cycborg whose only weakness is potential boredom, so if he pulls out a fidget spinner, don’t be surprised.
In terms if the stage, the roads start to gently rise from 20km in and creeps up and up until just over 100km have been coveredt, then a series of rolling roads until the final climb which is 7km at an average gradient of 8.5%. The climb has three main sections, with the steepest gradients in the first km, between km 2 and 4 and then the final km, which are all approaching double digits in terms of gradient.
Strategy wise I’m not even going to start thinking that ‘Ineos have 3 contenders who could attack and force Pogacar to react, lather, rinse, repeat’ because I’ve seen what happened to the armies of Mordor when they attempted to best Gandalf.
Highlight of the day so far was Pogacar’s pre-race interview when he said that he wasn’t worried about the threat posed by Movistar and that Enric Mas should fuck off up the Vale.’
No clue who will win (although Pogacar wins if he wants to,) but can’t see this break holding out as they are just playing their role and eating up TV time. Haven’t seen any of the coverage yet but if the ‘Movistar/BORA have men in the break for Mas/Vlasov to get across to’ narrative hasn’t started yet, I’ll be disappointed.
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 8, 2022 16:02:53 GMT
WHAT a ride.
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Post by partickpotter on Jul 8, 2022 17:43:40 GMT
This shocker caught my eye… a rider breaks his neck because a spectator is too stupid for words…
Brutal.
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Post by deeside2 on Jul 8, 2022 19:45:06 GMT
This shocker caught my eye… a rider breaks his neck because a spectator is too stupid for words… Brutal. It's absolutely crazy. There was a similar incident last year (I think) when some stupid fan was holding up a placard towards the camera, and ended up causing multiple riders to crash heavily although I don't think their injuries were as severe as this latest crash. Harsher penalties should be introduced to try to make fans think about the possible consequences of their actions.
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Post by Bod on Jul 8, 2022 21:18:53 GMT
Stage 7.
Losers
- Ciccone. If Sean Kelly is to believed regarding the early breakaway (paraphrasing) ‘Ciccone couldn’t be fucking arsed when he started to suffer and so he gave up.’ Kelly may be a pensioner, but he’d still fuck you up and take your lunch money.
- BORA. 2 men in the break, surely for the aim of aiding Vlasov or at the least, a stage win. Vlasov then imploded and Kamna got caught virtually on the line.
- O’ Connor - needs lo lose a packet on some stages now to get some freedom to go for a stage win later in the race.
- Powless. Was holding on by his banjo string on the final climb but alas, then it snapped and he shipped time quickly.
- Sexual deviants.* Not one image all day of someone in the crowd showing their arse to the camera. It wasn’t like this in the old days. In the mid 90’s, when blood was thick and gears were big, the roadside was basically like a more hardcore version of Salo. *a blow up doll at 18.5km was a half-hearted effort but too little, too late.
- Ineos. Yellow helmets for leading the team competition? A greater sartorial error than our pinstriped home kit. If you’re reduced to drawing attention to the fact that you’re leading a competition so shit that not even Movistar care any more, then you have problems.
- Astana. They are in this race. Go on, go and check. They even showed their face at the front at 6km to go. Their plan of riding simultaneously under the radar whilst making no progress whatsoever is Baldrickesque. Unconfirmed reports state that they weren’t actually invited to the race and just jump in from the crowd at various points.
- Me. I have Dylan Teuns in my fantasy team and he got me semi-tumuscent and then it all went south.
- Eurosport studio team. For trying to use this stage as evidence that the race is wide open.
Winners
- Sean Kelly for combining the phrases ‘Wiggle room’ and ‘Leeway’ to form ‘Leeroom.’ I wouldn’t say it to his face though as he has killed for much less.
- Everyone who knew that little would happen today and regardless of the final 3km, it didn’t. A formulaic mountain stage. Strong team set the tempo and then the attacks come with a handful of km remaining.
- Meintjes. Creeping up the GC and running across the line with his bike! Agent Meintjes doing what he does.
- Organisers for including Planche des Belles Filles, as it’s a bastard of a climb.
- Pogacar. Did Vingegaard over on the line and gave him the ‘Fuck you’ sideways glance as he did.
- Kamna. Balls of steel, but not to be. He’s a very, very good rider though and is only going to improve.
Special bonus winner - Matt Stephens. Speaking with Wiggins after the race and described Pogacar’s win as ‘Cannibalistic.’ He now has to out €50 in the Merckx comparison jar.
Thomas-watch. Can tell he’s reaching the tail-end of his career as he’s forgotten his primary aim. He was on Ganna’s wheel on the final descent and had countless chances to bin it into a family enjoying a picnic. Looks calm and composed on the bike. Will be called into the commissaries office to work out what he’s up to.
The moral of today was that it is all well and good having three riders in contention, but if none of them are able to attack, it’s irrelevant.
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 9, 2022 0:09:06 GMT
Stage 7. Losers - Ciccone. If Sean Kelly is to believed regarding the early breakaway (paraphrasing) ‘Ciccone couldn’t be fucking arsed when he started to suffer and so he gave up.’ Kelly may be a pensioner, but he’d still fuck you up and take your lunch money. - BORA. 2 men in the break, surely for the aim of aiding Vlasov or at the least, a stage win. Vlasov then imploded and Kamna got caught virtually on the line. - O’ Connor - needs lo lose a packet on some stages now to get some freedom to go for a stage win later in the race. - Powless. Was holding on by his banjo string on the final climb but alas, then it snapped and he shipped time quickly. - Sexual deviants.* Not one image all day of someone in the crowd showing their arse to the camera. It wasn’t like this in the old days. In the mid 90’s, when blood was thick and gears were big, the roadside was basically like a more hardcore version of Salo. *a blow up doll at 18.5km was a half-hearted effort but too little, too late. - Ineos. Yellow helmets for leading the team competition? A greater sartorial error than our pinstriped home kit. If you’re reduced to drawing attention to the fact that you’re leading a competition so shit that not even Movistar care any more, then you have problems. - Astana. They are in this race. Go on, go and check. They even showed their face at the front at 6km to go. Their plan of riding simultaneously under the radar whilst making no progress whatsoever is Baldrickesque. Unconfirmed reports state that they weren’t actually invited to the race and just jump in from the crowd at various points. - Me. I have Dylan Teuns in my fantasy team and he got me semi-tumuscent and then it all went south. - Eurosport studio team. For trying to use this stage as evidence that the race is wide open. Winners - Sean Kelly for combining the phrases ‘Wiggle room’ and ‘Leeway’ to form ‘Leeroom.’ I wouldn’t say it to his face though as he has killed for much less. - Everyone who knew that little would happen today and regardless of the final 3km, it didn’t. A formulaic mountain stage. Strong team set the tempo and then the attacks come with a handful of km remaining. - Meintjes. Creeping up the GC and running across the line with his bike! Agent Meintjes doing what he does. - Organisers for including Planche des Belles Filles, as it’s a bastard of a climb. - Pogacar. Did Vingegaard over on the line and gave him the ‘Fuck you’ sideways glance as he did. - Kamna. Balls of steel, but not to be. He’s a very, very good rider though and is only going to improve. Special bonus winner - Matt Stephens. Speaking with Wiggins after the race and described Pogacar’s win as ‘Cannibalistic.’ He now has to out €50 in the Merckx comparison jar. Thomas-watch. Can tell he’s reaching the tail-end of his career as he’s forgotten his primary aim. He was on Ganna’s wheel on the final descent and had countless chances to bin it into a family enjoying a picnic. Looks calm and composed on the bike. Will be called into the commissaries office to work out what he’s up to. The moral of today was that it is all well and good having three riders in contention, but if none of them are able to attack, it’s irrelevant. The moral of today was that it is all well and good having three riders in contention, but if none of them are able to attack, it’s irrelevant. Exactly that.
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Post by Bod on Jul 9, 2022 9:40:19 GMT
Vegard Stake Laengen from UAE has tested positive for COVID. This could now get interesting. I hope it doesn’t end up like the Tour de Suisse a couple of weeks ago where 154 riders started and 76 finished and the vast majority were due to COViD. However, if Pogacar tests positive this surely opens the door for the comeback of all comebacks as Pierre Rolland will seize the day and restore the honour of the French by taking 37th overall rather than 38th 🇫🇷
I have no axe to grind with Pogacar whatsoever and think he is exciting to watch, but if he were to be ousted from the race I wouldn’t be exactly unhappy.
Edited to add - Bollocks, Laengen is my fantasy team and I’d forgotten. That will teach me for mocking Pierre Rolland.and secretly wishing Pogacar had to exit the race.
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Post by Bod on Jul 9, 2022 11:39:12 GMT
Early doors crash for Thomas. He’s rode himself into form now. Pogacar, Vlasov, Bardet, Gaudu, Quintana and a few others down too.
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Post by deeside2 on Jul 9, 2022 12:31:11 GMT
I'd like to see Quintana stay down ! Can't stand him.
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Post by Bod on Jul 9, 2022 12:40:50 GMT
I'd like to see Quintana stay down ! Can't stand him. My curiosity is now piqued. Why is that? I find him to be pretty nondescript and fairly dull. Enric Mas on the other hand, that guy boils my piss.
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Post by marylandstoke on Jul 9, 2022 13:04:10 GMT
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Post by deeside2 on Jul 9, 2022 16:36:03 GMT
I'd like to see Quintana stay down ! Can't stand him. My curiosity is now piqued. Why is that? I find him to be pretty nondescript and fairly dull. Enric Mas on the other hand, that guy boils my piss. Yes he is dull and nondescript. I remember when Froomey was at his peak and Quintana was at Movistar and was one of his main TDF rivals. I read an article (Cycling News) that very few people at Movistar (or in the peloton) liked him, as he was not a team player, didn't mix, and was very arrogant and demanding. I remember one famous TDF stage where Froomey got to the top of the final climb first, Quintana was right behind him, Froomey decided to go for it downhill, and rather than chase him Quintana looked around for someone else to do the work. By this time Froomey had opened a gap and eventually won the stage after a lengthy solo ride. Quintana was quick to point the finger at other riders rather than admit he should have chased. My best memory of Quintana is when he lost the Giro on the final stage time trial to Tom Dumoulin.
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Post by deeside2 on Jul 9, 2022 16:38:44 GMT
I watched the final hour today - is there anyone else in the race that can actually give Pogacar any real competition for the GC ? It just seems he can turn it on, on any terrain, whenever he needs to. It's pretty boring and predictable. I think the only way he can lose is if he crashes out of the Tour.
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