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Post by pretzel on Feb 23, 2024 20:37:29 GMT
I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki. I dropped her off at work one day and she just vanished into Finnair
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Post by Staying up for Grandadstokey on Feb 26, 2024 16:35:49 GMT
Vladimir Putin, in order to boost his popularity visits a school in Moscow and gives the pupils a talk saying that Russia is a great country and he wants to make things better for everyone. After there is a period of time for questions. Little Sasha puts her hand up and says "I have 2 questions, why did Russia take Crimea and why have we sent troops into Ukraine?" " Good question he replies , but before he can go any further the bell goes and everyone leaves the room. When they get back the question time continues and little Misha puts up her hand .I have 4 questions she says , Why did Russia take Crimea ,why did we send troops into Ukraine, why did the bell go 20 minutes early and where the fuck is Sasha?.
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Post by atillathehoneybee on Feb 28, 2024 15:18:19 GMT
Just seen the woman who played Pat Butcher in Eastenders lay a wreath for that girl who wrote a diary while hiding from the Nazis
Anne Frank?
No, just Pat
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Post by flea79 on Feb 28, 2024 16:07:03 GMT
Just seen the woman who played Pat Butcher in Eastenders lay a wreath for that girl who wrote a diary while hiding from the Nazis Anne Frank? No, just Pat this took me a minute, terrible, utterly terrible!
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Feb 28, 2024 16:07:34 GMT
Just seen the woman who played Pat Butcher in Eastenders lay a wreath for that girl who wrote a diary while hiding from the Nazis Anne Frank? No, just Pat ?
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Post by flea79 on Feb 28, 2024 16:46:21 GMT
Just seen the woman who played Pat Butcher in Eastenders lay a wreath for that girl who wrote a diary while hiding from the Nazis Anne Frank? No, just Pat ? and frank? as in pat butchers husband frank butcher, not anne frank herself, ffs its awful
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Feb 28, 2024 16:58:13 GMT
and frank? as in pat butchers husband frank butcher, not anne frank herself, ffs its awful Ah ok No idea who her husband is but 👍😁
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Post by lawrieleslie on Feb 28, 2024 16:58:47 GMT
Hardys wine makers are bringing out a new Pinot wine. It’s being made with their newly cultivated anti-diuretic hybrid grape and is aimed at the older people’s market. It’s called Pinot More.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Mar 8, 2024 12:50:49 GMT
What's 28 feet long and has 3 teeth? The queue at Vale Park ticket office.
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Post by atillathehoneybee on Mar 8, 2024 15:35:09 GMT
Recent investigations in Portugal have inspired a French car manufacturer to build a vehicle that has enough room to fit your kids in the boot.
They're calling it the 'Renault Mccann'.
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Mar 8, 2024 15:49:20 GMT
Recent investigations in Portugal have inspired a French car manufacturer to build a vehicle that has enough room to fit your kids in the boot. They're calling it the 'Renault Mccann'. 😁
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Post by felonious on Mar 8, 2024 16:50:29 GMT
Didn't know where to put this so I'll put it here. On the radio a few days back a woman phoned in talking about the time when she was a little girl and found her hamster dead, stiff as a board lying on it's back with it's legs sticking up into the air. As she hysterically screamed all the family came rushing to her to see what the problem was. She said for months afterwards her slightly older brother and cousin took great pleasure in lying on their backs with their legs and arms up in the air at every opportunity when she came into the room
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Post by alsagerstokie on Mar 8, 2024 17:10:25 GMT
Why would somebody pick up my mobile, delete my Spandau Ballet ringtone, then put it back? It just doesn't ring true.
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Post by pretzel on Mar 8, 2024 19:11:17 GMT
My therapist seems to think I have trouble verbalising my emotions.
I can't say I'm surprised.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Mar 15, 2024 10:43:10 GMT
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?" “Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." “Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce." “I can understand that" replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Bentley's and Range Rover's in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim? " asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. “Ours is prettier!"
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Post by atillathehoneybee on Mar 15, 2024 14:12:23 GMT
This morning I decided to greet my postman at the door in the nude. Now I'm not sure what shocked him the most, the sight of my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived........
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Post by atillathehoneybee on Mar 15, 2024 14:13:30 GMT
I decided to order a Chinese meal last night. They asked me for my order and I said, 'I usually like the specials'. They sent me Too Much Foo Yung.......
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Post by Goonie on Mar 15, 2024 14:46:12 GMT
My therapist seems to think I have trouble verbalising my emotions. I can't say I'm surprised. My therapist told me I had alexithymia I'm not sure how I feel about it
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Post by chuffedstokie on Mar 16, 2024 18:51:49 GMT
Odds on aliens to land on earth: 1,000,000 to 1
Odds on Spurs to win a trophy: Ask the f*cking aliens when they get here.
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Post by marylandstoke on Mar 22, 2024 12:56:29 GMT
I wanted to write about my lethologica but I just can find the words.
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Post by Mendicant on Mar 22, 2024 15:48:23 GMT
What’s the difference between a drunken archer and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can’t hit and the other can hoot but…
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Post by wannabee on Mar 22, 2024 16:49:09 GMT
A professor of mathematics sent a Text Message to his wife. It read:
“Dear wife, you must realise that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 19-year-old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight. - Your Husband”
As he arrived at the hotel, he received a Text reply that read as follows:
“Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with our 19-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 19 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 19. Don’t wait up
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Post by pretzel on Mar 22, 2024 18:27:56 GMT
If I had a pound for every girl that doesn't find me attractive, pretty soon they'd find me attractive.
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Post by 828492 on Mar 24, 2024 12:50:56 GMT
I asked the woman in the bookshop if Prince Harry’s book was available to download. She asked if I meant the pdf file. I said, ‘No, that’s his uncle’.
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Post by marylandstoke on Mar 25, 2024 13:49:27 GMT
What do you call a pig on fire?
A pig lit.
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Post by atillathehoneybee on Mar 25, 2024 14:46:06 GMT
I see Bonnie Tyler has jumped on the Celebrity Football Video Craze. She has done a video exclusively about goalies that have played for both Man City & England in recent years. It's Totally Clips of Joe Hart.
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Post by stokefc on Mar 25, 2024 18:36:31 GMT
Boy walks into the bathroom just as his Mum gets out the shower , boy says , what's that Mum , Mum says , oh , it's where your Dad him me with an axe , boy says , what a shot , rayte in the cunt
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Mar 25, 2024 18:42:29 GMT
Boy walks into the bathroom just as his Mum gets out the shower , boy says , what's that Mum , Mum says , oh , it's where your Dad him me with an axe , boy says , what a shot , rayte in the cunt That is so bad it’s made me laugh my bollocks off🤣
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Post by atillathehoneybee on Mar 26, 2024 16:10:09 GMT
Easter Joke.
Jesus is up on the cross and sees his most trusted deciple Peter at the foot of the hill...
" Peter, Peter, Come here, I need to speak to you"
Peter tries to get up the hill but is intercepted by Roman guards who cut of his arms and send him tumbling back down.
" Peter, Peter, Come here, I really need to speak to you" Says Jesus.
So again, he tries to get past the guards, who this time cut off his legs and send him tumbling...
Again.." Peter, Peter, Come here, I really need to tell you something." Says Jesus.
This time he tries to roll up the hill, and feeling sorry for him allow him up to the cross.
" What is it my Lord, what do you want to tell me" Says Peter.
" I can see your house from here" Says Jesus...
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Post by backintheday on Mar 26, 2024 16:55:50 GMT
Boy walks into the bathroom just as his Mum gets out the shower , boy says , what's that Mum , Mum says , oh , it's where your Dad him me with an axe , boy says , what a shot , rayte in the cunt Quality youth, absolute quality
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