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Post by lawrieleslie on Jan 19, 2024 10:35:48 GMT
A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G.' The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?" It took me a minute. Like it.
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Jan 19, 2024 12:48:24 GMT
A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G.' The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?" It took me a minute. Like it. It's 2" hours,and I still don't get it.🤔
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Post by steve66 on Jan 19, 2024 13:33:59 GMT
It took me a minute. Like it. It's 2" hours,and I still don't get it.🤔 Take G out of Angus!
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Post by marylandstoke on Jan 19, 2024 23:10:34 GMT
A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G.' The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?" Had to work for that one.
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Post by redstriper on Jan 20, 2024 10:41:30 GMT
A man got on a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
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Post by Clayton Wood on Jan 22, 2024 15:58:38 GMT
Threw my mobile out of the bedroom window. It crashed to the ground and shattered.
Forgot to switch airplane mode on.
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Post by scfc1863 on Jan 27, 2024 12:34:24 GMT
Finally, after six arduous months, I've finally completed an intricate replica model of Mount Everest.
Feeling suitably proud of my endeavours, I invited my mate around to have a look.
"That's brilliant" he exclaimed "Is it to scale?" "No" I replied, "Just to look at".
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Post by lawrieleslie on Feb 2, 2024 6:50:08 GMT
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Feb 2, 2024 15:47:39 GMT
Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because he still had his penis stuck in the Chicken.
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Post by wannabee on Feb 2, 2024 19:43:24 GMT
At a funeral, a man asks the Vicar for the wifi code.
The Vicar replies "please have some respect for your late mother"
The man says '"is that all lower case"?
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Post by atillathehoneybee on Feb 8, 2024 13:26:16 GMT
I just watched Bonnie Tyler's new football video. It's great saves from England and Man City goalkeepers great saves. It's called " Totally Clips of Joe Hart"
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Post by Staying up for Grandadstokey on Feb 8, 2024 18:13:45 GMT
How many birds on a Dudley golf course?
Answer is 4 Birdie , Eagle ,Albatross and an owl in one.
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Post by teenagefanclub on Feb 9, 2024 8:04:22 GMT
How does a Welsh man find a sheep in long grass?
Irresistible
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Post by deeside2 on Feb 10, 2024 6:44:47 GMT
Getting mythology wrong is my Hercules ankle.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Feb 10, 2024 8:11:35 GMT
As Grandad used to tell me, "son as one door closes another one opens"……..he was a great philosopher but rubbish cabinet maker.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Feb 11, 2024 19:34:14 GMT
Just managed to book a table for me and the Mrs on Valentines Night. She doesn’t particularly like snooker but hey it’s a night out.
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Post by deeside2 on Feb 12, 2024 6:42:04 GMT
Anybody who believes in telekinesis, raise my hand
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Post by innocentbystander on Feb 13, 2024 21:29:55 GMT
My Mrs. wanted to see The Monkees in Switzerland. "Not a chance," I said.
Then I saw her face, and I'm in Geneva.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Feb 14, 2024 9:42:27 GMT
Three blokes go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the bloke on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The bloke on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the bloke in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Feb 15, 2024 0:59:52 GMT
My Mrs. wanted to see The Monkees in Switzerland. "Not a chance," I said. Then I saw her face, and I'm in Geneva. Hope they did I'm not your Toblerone Really was the best I could do, sorry
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Post by Kpsje on Feb 15, 2024 21:39:20 GMT
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Post by maxplonk on Feb 16, 2024 9:28:30 GMT
Kid: Dad. When does a joke become a dad joke?
Dad: When it becomes apparent.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Feb 16, 2024 12:56:35 GMT
An old lady walked into a pet store, found a parrot, and asked the owner if she could buy it. The owner said, "No! That parrot has a bad mouth! Trust me - you do not want that parrot!" She said, "I can teach it good manners." "OK, but don't say you haven't been warned!" But, when she got home the parrot said "bollocks", so she put it in the freezer for 10 seconds. She took it out and said, "Did you learn your lesson?" It said "shit" so she put it back in for 30 seconds. She took it out and asked if it learned its lesson yet. The parrot said "Brr... Yes, I learned my lesson, but, what the fuck did the chicken do?"
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Post by auntiegeorge on Feb 16, 2024 22:52:43 GMT
My friend Eric just got a job as a trainee nurse at the Royal Stoke. I went in there yesterday and bumped into the sister in charge. I asked her how Eric was doing and she said he was doing very well but he gets a bit confused sometimes. I said 'What do you mean?' She said 'Yesterday I told him to give a patient 2 injections at 4 o'clock. Instead he gave him 4 injections at 2 o'clock. And today I asked him to give a patient 3 pills at 6 o'clock and instead he gave him 6 pills at 3 o'clock. I'm a bit concerned at the moment'. I said 'Why's that?' She said 'I've just told him to go and prick a man's boil'.
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Post by thebasfordhedgehog on Feb 18, 2024 18:31:33 GMT
What does Kylie sing while counting sheep?
I can’t get ewe out of my head .
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Feb 23, 2024 10:00:09 GMT
Sat in the pub last night with my mate and 6 of the meanest hardest looking men came in and started giving us threatening looks .
My mate started getting worried said let’s pretend we are the police they might leave us alone.
We only got through the first chorus of Roxanne and they kicked the shit out of us
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Feb 23, 2024 10:20:23 GMT
An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three pints of Guinness.He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.When he finished all three, he came back to the bar and ordered three more.
The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it but it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we all used to drink together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way.He orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.
Just after New Year's Day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your sad loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. It's me......I'm doing Dry January!"
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Feb 23, 2024 10:23:16 GMT
I’ve just bought a Van Gogh coffee table.
I know it’s a genuine Van Gogh, because it’s got a bit of veneer missing.
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Post by deeside2 on Feb 23, 2024 17:16:48 GMT
I never knew what happiness was until I got married — and then it was too late.
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Post by wannabee on Feb 23, 2024 20:03:51 GMT
As I get older, I find I only need 3 shops. Specsavers , Boots and Greggs.
My life is just specs and drugs and sausage rolls
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