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Post by danceswithclams on Apr 23, 2018 10:21:04 GMT
Now that the dust has settled and everyone aside from the most deluded/heavily medicated have accepted our fate, I've decided to attempt to brighten the mood a little by bringing you a new and exciting game: Things You Find in The Championship
Yes folks, all you need to do is call on your observational comedy skills* and post examples of the idiosyncrasies that make everyone's favourite PAASHUUUN!!!-filled real football for real fans league™ the laugh-a-minute and not at all substandard second tier football competition this sceptered isle has to offer. Winner of the most astute observation gets a handjob off Henrik Risom and a copy of Paul Lambert's Bumper Book of Football Tactics.
I'll kick things off...
#1 Upper tiers of large stadiums occupied by former top flight sides closed and taped off (occupied by a solitary fat steward)
#2 A cunt with a drum (most likely at Preston or Ipswich or somewhere equally innocuous and forgettable).
#3 A really old lady with a woolly hat adorned in what seems to be around 500,000 pinbadges
#4 Teenage goalkeepers on loan from the Premier League
#5 Mick McCarthy (he'll turn up somewhere as he cannot survive outside of his natural habitat for more than one summer)
Over to you!
*There's a small but important difference between 'observational comedy' and merely 'noticing things', as Michael McIntyre would do well to understand.
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Post by thegift on Apr 23, 2018 10:27:44 GMT
Proper football
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Post by crapslinger on Apr 23, 2018 10:30:28 GMT
Berahino actually scoring a goal or is that going to far ?
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Post by stokieinaus on Apr 23, 2018 10:31:46 GMT
Stoke City  |
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Post by crapslinger on Apr 23, 2018 10:32:48 GMT
Paul Lambert !
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Post by bayernoatcake on Apr 23, 2018 10:35:08 GMT
The police shitting themselves at some of the away days they're going to have to deal with!  |
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Post by danceswithclams on Apr 23, 2018 10:37:59 GMT
Berahino actually scoring a goal or is that going to far ? This thread is entitled Things You Find in The Championship, not Things You Find in The City Traders League |
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Post by charlesjefferson on Apr 23, 2018 10:39:03 GMT
Regarding the drum, you get that in The Premier League.
If i were in charge at the very top, which i certainly should be I'd impose the following fines and punishments.
a) If you have someone with a drum in the crowd - Docked 15 points
b) If you hand clappers out to supporters - Docked 15 points
c) If you have goal nets which aren't white or are so tight that the ball doesn't bulge when it hits the net - Docked 5 points
d) If your supporters sing songs such as "On the alley alley oooooooh, on the alley alley ooooooh" or "...and that's the way we like it, like it, like it, a-woah-a-woah-ho-whooooa" - Docked 20 points
e) If you play music over the PA when your team scores - Relegation imposed and a £50m fine. £75m fine if it's 'Glad All Over'
That'll have Palace and Leicester running for cover. Not to mention the Vale.
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Post by stokieinaus on Apr 23, 2018 10:41:45 GMT
Premier league wannabes
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Post by danceswithclams on Apr 23, 2018 10:42:59 GMT
The police shitting themselves at some of the away days they're going to have to deal with! On a similar theme: #10 Laughably bad fake Stone Island being worn by rake thin, apoplectically drunk teenagers from sink estates (there will be a neck tattoo somewhere amongst this somewhere down the line) |
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Post by senojbor on Apr 23, 2018 10:45:56 GMT
The opening day fixtures usually pairs a relegated side with a promoted side. So we will play Shrewsbury away and lose.
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Post by leoncort on Apr 23, 2018 10:55:23 GMT
A lack of half an half scarves, no tourist fans, proper football grounds in some decent cities with some decent atmosphere/beer. dreading it me..
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Post by robstokie on Apr 23, 2018 10:57:08 GMT
An away game at somewhere like Rotherham on a wet, windy Tuesday night in November - which we will undoubtedly get turned over in.
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Post by ursemboys on Apr 23, 2018 10:58:00 GMT
Berahino actually scoring a goal or is that going to far ? Have faith ,he will come good after a close season getting fit down Trentham hills with Wimmer ,just need a creative midfielder and a couple wingers and we will be fine |
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Post by sheriffofrockridge on Apr 23, 2018 10:59:39 GMT
Advertising hoardings dominated by local companies you've never heard of.
Referees who should either be drawing a pension or who have yet to sprout any pubes.
That twat Clem turning up pretending he's everyone's mate.
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Post by danceswithclams on Apr 23, 2018 10:59:59 GMT
#11 Screwfix idents on all highlights packages and live match coverage
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2018 11:00:15 GMT
The opening day fixtures usually pairs a relegated side with a promoted side. So we will play Shrewsbury away and lose. Yeh, lose by 4 or 5 and be Match Choice  Hopefully you'll find Peter Coates in his seat with "The Best Squad We've Ever Had" all sitting there with him and not embarrassing themselves on the pitch. |
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Post by ursemboys on Apr 23, 2018 11:00:16 GMT
The police shitting themselves at some of the away days they're going to have to deal with! On a similar theme: #10 Laughably bad fake Stone Island being worn by rake thin, apoplectically drunk teenagers from sink estates (there will be a neck tattoo somewhere amongst this somewhere down the line) how do you know where i live lol and my neck tattoo is a work of art youth  |
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Post by ursemboys on Apr 23, 2018 11:05:15 GMT
On a similar theme: #10 Laughably bad fake Stone Island being worn by rake thin, apoplectically drunk teenagers from sink estates (there will be a neck tattoo somewhere amongst this somewhere down the line) how do you know where i live lol and my neck tattoo is a work of art youth Diouf did the tattoo for me, it was meant be on my arse but he missed |
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Post by str8outtahampton on Apr 23, 2018 11:08:02 GMT
Drawn away versus a promoted team in the cup - Stoke fans chant "Premier League, you're having a laugh"
Away fans in same game chant "Premier League, you stank it out". (People look at one another and say "fair point, well made")
Endless, repetitive threads about how many glory hunters have abandandoned the club
Endless repetitive threads about how much better it is that the "plastics" have abandoned the club
New feared firm emerges at awaydays - however this time it is called the Batey 80
Wilted spinach, sun dried tomato and seared scallop salade tiede at the White Horse (aka the Sloaney Pony), Parsons Green ahead of Fulham away
People call for corner to be unfilled-in, and for giant wind machine to be installed to recreate the early Pulis years
People call for the Sea Lion to be re-built - brick by brick - right outside the ground, openly selling alcohol to minors. (Actually that might just be me).
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Post by danceswithclams on Apr 23, 2018 11:13:05 GMT
#12 Loads of teams with kits supplied by prestigious Nike / Adidas / Puma brands, juxtaposed with low-end 'BIG MICK'S CARPET WAREHOUSE' sponsors
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Post by potterinleeds on Apr 23, 2018 11:14:14 GMT
#13. The scenic juxtaposition of light industrial units and dimly-lit underpasses as one approaches Elland Road on foot from the north-west.
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Post by Alvechurch Assassin on Apr 23, 2018 11:14:49 GMT
We'll find;
V small clubs singing 'what division are you in'
Robust tackling against us as we'll be a scalp in S1
A sudden lack of interest when talking with people outside of the club
Neil Warnock
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Post by danceswithclams on Apr 23, 2018 11:17:55 GMT
#13 A lack of Colin Murray pronouncing 'Wolves' as 'Whooolvess'
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Post by philb on Apr 23, 2018 11:18:53 GMT
An away game at somewhere like Rotherham on a wet, windy Tuesday night in November - which we will undoubtedly get turned over in. Can see it now.... Can Stoke do it on a wet windy November night in Rotherham 😳 |
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Post by danceswithclams on Apr 23, 2018 11:20:16 GMT
#13 LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS
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Post by jeycov on Apr 23, 2018 11:26:35 GMT
Expensive away tickets?
Not sure if the Championship have a £30 upper limit or if they can charge more for "top teams"
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Post by dirtygary69 on Apr 23, 2018 11:37:48 GMT
Matches on Good Friday and Easter Monday
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Post by Stokyo on Apr 23, 2018 11:39:10 GMT
Self sufficiency
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Post by dirtygary69 on Apr 23, 2018 11:47:00 GMT
That vile old lesbian Neil Warnock wankering about the place
Cuddly mascots dicking about on the pitch
Some 'hard-nut' opponent thinking he's rocky, needs bringing down a peg or three
Hairy arsed defenders mauling your strikers
Absolute silence in the stands, allowing for moments of comedy usually aimed at the linesman
Fucking Millwall, twatting your nan in Stoke town centre
Garry Birtles on co-commentary finding it difficult to hide his disdain for Stoke City and sometimes just football in general (Trevor Francis had better fuck off)
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