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Post by chrispk76 on Jul 3, 2014 20:06:56 GMT
And a big thanks to cransonsknees for reminding me women are mental
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Post by padders01 on Jul 3, 2014 20:20:39 GMT
Wow some real gut wrenching stories on here
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 21:29:26 GMT
Guys I feel your pain. I've been there got the tee shirt and lost it all to my money grabbing ex-wife. Its getting on for 20 years ago now but to me it still feels a little raw. I lost absolutely everything, but twenty years on I have a fantastic relationship with my daughter who is now 21 and whom it cost me 1000s of pounds to get access rights to. I have two kids with my wife of ten years who is brilliant. It can be shit at times but there is light at the end of the tunnel and it will turn around. My advice is to love your kids, do your best for them and get out and enjoy yourselves. It will come good.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 21:47:24 GMT
She most likely will say that Yep , I work with a guy whose ex poisoned their little girls mind , so when he did get to see her she had already decided she hated him and the whole situation became awkward . Can't wait :/ I had similar, I left what was a rotten partnership. My ex was very bitter, still is nearly 20 years on I made sure I rang my two girls daily, regardless of all the shit she gave me, I even had to go to court to get parental responsibility and sort my every other weekend at mine routine as she was using them as weapons ...ie anything I disagreed with she said I couldn't see them.....they were 4 and 6 at the time the eldest was a real daddy's girl too...it broke my heart ....I made sure I never said bad things about their mum and told them I would always be there at anytime they wanted me and to ignore their mum when she was putting me down I stuck to my routine of picking them up on every other Friday, dropping them off on Sunday without fail even when I moved to blackpool My dad, who's not with us now, assured me that if I stuck to what I was doing the girls will work things out for themselves and see the truth They are 25 and 23 now and come to see me with my granddaughter regularly I sneakily heard my youngest girl say to my son who is a few years younger that I was her best friend Made me feel great for yonks Always light at the end of the tunnel
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Post by wizzardofdribble on Jul 3, 2014 21:47:36 GMT
The problem for blokes who go through all this..losing the house. .kids..money...is that there is very little in the way of support. With women it's the opposite..plus all the sympathy.
Even though you may have worked your bollocks off to pay the mortgage. .bills etc etc if your wife meets somebody else..you lose it all plus the kids and she gets all the help and support.
In this area of life..men get a very bad deal.
Women often talk about 'equality' but only when it suits them.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 21:53:05 GMT
The problem for blokes who go through all this..losing the house. .kids..money...is that there is very little in the way of support. With women it's the opposite..plus all the sympathy. Even though you may have worked your bollocks off to pay the mortgage. .bills etc etc if your wife meets somebody else..you lose it all plus the kids and she gets all the help and support. In this area of life..men get a very bad deal. People talk about 'equality' but only when it suits them. Half the house is yours.....but you have to by law keep a roof over your kids heads until 16 Then you can force a sale I gave her mine just incase she went into arrears ( she would for spite) and I wanted a clean break
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Post by mermaidsal on Jul 3, 2014 23:48:40 GMT
In this area of life..men get a very bad deal. To be fair a lot of decent women would agree with you, as would decent lawyers these days I'd hope.
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Post by wizzardofdribble on Jul 4, 2014 4:44:52 GMT
The problem for blokes who go through all this..losing the house. .kids..money...is that there is very little in the way of support. With women it's the opposite..plus all the sympathy. Even though you may have worked your bollocks off to pay the mortgage. .bills etc etc if your wife meets somebody else..you lose it all plus the kids and she gets all the help and support. In this area of life..men get a very bad deal. People talk about 'equality' but only when it suits them. Half the house is yours.....but you have to by law keep a roof over your kids heads until 16 Then you can force a sale I gave her mine just incase she went into arrears ( she would for spite) and I wanted a clean break I know many men who'd like a clean break...of the neck preferably.
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Post by pickins on Jul 4, 2014 20:45:42 GMT
Just to re-visit I have now moved out and back to parents, it's a bit upsetting as I'm getting a bit old for living with them but on the plus side it is all very civil, I have a base for my son and I can save and enjoy myself as I have spent all my money on bills for the last 10 years (none of which counted as I contributed nothing apparently). Karma has visited as I've been offered an opportunity for promotion and she had lost her job so she can stick that right up there. I'd still help support her if it got really bad but the time has come to enjoy life a bit and make sure my boy is ok. I'll be in that number when the reds go marching in when villa visit, may even treat myself to a season ticket now.
Early days but there is a sense of relief through all the shit. Sometimes it takes a big storm to see the best rainbow.
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Post by pickins on Jul 13, 2014 9:37:00 GMT
..... moving slowly through the depressive phase apparently which is then followed by what is known as the 'sex phase' which sounds a little bit more like light relief compared to everything else.
Hope everybody is hanging in there. Season starts soon!
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Post by f1rew0rks on Jul 13, 2014 15:03:15 GMT
Ive been where you are .... a long time ago. Life does get better. 5 weeks till kick off :-)
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Post by pickins on Jul 29, 2014 23:18:19 GMT
Hope people are still hanging in there. My ex has turned into a total mentalist and I spent the evening rescuing belongings from the driveway.
I will definitely study some psychiatry before the next big leap.
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Post by lastoftheldk on Jul 29, 2014 23:59:43 GMT
They will do or say anything to make you look bad, when they turn they are evil , be prepared
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yamfan
Academy Starlet
Posts: 231
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Post by yamfan on Jul 30, 2014 1:03:54 GMT
Take care mate, hope things work out for you and your kids.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 10:17:28 GMT
Hope people are still hanging in there. My ex has turned into a total mentalist and I spent the evening rescuing belongings from the driveway. I will definitely study some psychiatry before the next big leap. that's the weird part i found as well (and several people i know who've been through it)! you get shat on, then despite how hard it is you then handle it with dignity and try to keep a handle on things for the sake of the kids so they don't see mum and dad at each other's throats and for some reason she (the person that caused it all and created all the pain and hurt in the first place) acts like a fucking nutter and treats you like shit. i had the same...got cheated on, found out, split up,she moved the other bloke in (so had her cake and ate the entire fucking lot basically) moved back in with my mum as had nowhere else to go, saw the kids every chance i could, gave her money for maintenance (far more than legally i had to as well) and was always amicable and friendly around her despite not really wanting to be and then she got all arsey whenever she saw me, tried to start arguments for no reason etc....it does get better in time though as you both get used to the new situation (or it did with me anyway, we're fine with each other nowadays) you'd like to think that after fucking up your life they'd be done with hurting you and they'd move on with their own lives but no, doesn't work like that for some reason. i'd like to say that understanding women is as difficult as understanding a foreign language but even though foreginers talk a bit funny they at least have basic morals and a sense of common decency...some women really don't seem to possess the "How to behave like an adult" switch in their brain
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Post by thebet365 on Jul 30, 2014 10:42:41 GMT
Been through it 2 years ago after 15 years and 4 kids together.
It's a horrible thing to go through but you do learn to deal with it in your own time. Thankfully the ex has not turned into the psycho most do, although she still has her moments even though I do everything I can to keep the kids lives as normal as possible.
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Post by pickins on Jul 30, 2014 17:15:30 GMT
What gets me is that it was her decision but I am at fault. We have got to the 5am phone call stage now.
It's that horrible feeling that you know you have family responsibilities and would do anything to make it right but:
A) She isn't interested in making a go of it although still giving you all the shite even though you are no longer there and she ended it.
&
B) You know that of you did get back together it would be Prob Ok for a couple weeks but then go back to the norm shouting and arguments but would feel bad about going with anyone else
It's all to buggery I tell thee.
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Post by wizzardofdribble on Aug 1, 2014 11:50:31 GMT
Hope people are still hanging in there. My ex has turned into a total mentalist and I spent the evening rescuing belongings from the driveway. I will definitely study some psychiatry before the next big leap. that's the weird part i found as well (and several people i know who've been through it)! you get shat on, then despite how hard it is you then handle it with dignity and try to keep a handle on things for the sake of the kids so they don't see mum and dad at each other's throats and for some reason she (the person that caused it all and created all the pain and hurt in the first place) acts like a fucking nutter and treats you like shit. i had the same...got cheated on, found out, split up,she moved the other bloke in (so had her cake and ate the entire fucking lot basically) moved back in with my mum as had nowhere else to go, saw the kids every chance i could, gave her money for maintenance (far more than legally i had to as well) and was always amicable and friendly around her despite not really wanting to be and then she got all arsey whenever she saw me, tried to start arguments for no reason etc....it does get better in time though as you both get used to the new situation (or it did with me anyway, we're fine with each other nowadays) you'd like to think that after fucking up your life they'd be done with hurting you and they'd move on with their own lives but no, doesn't work like that for some reason. i'd like to say that understanding women is as difficult as understanding a foreign language but even though foreginers talk a bit funny they at least have basic morals and a sense of common decency...some women really don't seem to possess the "How to behave like an adult" switch in their brain It's easier to split the atom than it is trying to understand women..and far less expensive.
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Post by pickins on Aug 13, 2014 23:28:42 GMT
Any first post split 'encounter' advice? Very strange occurrence this evening!
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Post by salopstick on Aug 14, 2014 0:17:51 GMT
Any advice from the wise minds of the oatcake? Stories of brighter, better future's etc? Look on the bright side, you'll end up spending lots more time on here and make lots of 'friends' who aren't your real friends at all but a lot of bored, bigoted, predatory backstabbers enough about you Sal, the rest of us are alrate
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 5:45:10 GMT
Look on the bright side, you'll end up spending lots more time on here and make lots of 'friends' who aren't your real friends at all but a lot of bored, bigoted, predatory backstabbers enough about you Sal, the rest of us are alrate Damn you Al.......beat me to it
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 5:54:08 GMT
Hope people are still hanging in there. My ex has turned into a total mentalist and I spent the evening rescuing belongings from the driveway. I will definitely study some psychiatry before the next big leap. Mines still a mentalist now mate......you have to just bite your lip no matter how tempted you are to give her both barrels.......every time you let go with anger it will be used against you, either with solicitors or your kids Be the bigger person, calmer no matter how much you're raging inside.....it'll pay off I promise you.....and your kids will think more of you in the end When she uses the kids as weapons or slags you off in front of them......let it go over your head.....feel pity for her and never never never slag her off infront of the kids
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Post by wizzardofdribble on Aug 14, 2014 11:32:58 GMT
That's right Minnie ;-)
The idea is to wind a bloke up and up over a long period of time with snidy comments and actions...then when he reacts..pounce on it and use it to the fullest advantage.
Psychological abuse.
Best not to react at all..but thats very very difficult...
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Post by salopstick on Aug 14, 2014 11:50:30 GMT
That's right Minnie ;-) The idea is to wind a bloke up and up over a long period of time with snidy comments and actions...then when he reacts..pounce on it and use it to the fullest advantage. Psychological abuse. Best not to react at all..but thats very very difficult... But enough about sal the rest of us are alrate
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 12:27:14 GMT
That's right Minnie ;-) The idea is to wind a bloke up and up over a long period of time with snidy comments and actions...then when he reacts..pounce on it and use it to the fullest advantage. Psychological abuse. Best not to react at all..but thats very very difficult... But enough about sal the rest of us are alrate You're on form today mucka
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Post by MrFlirty on Aug 14, 2014 12:31:26 GMT
Split up after 20 years. Thought end of my life. Met a new woman out of the blue 2 years later, Happiest I have ever been and been together 4 years now.
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Post by pickins on Aug 14, 2014 20:22:31 GMT
Mine has now inherited many illnesses and seems to be at breaking point now that the bills are coming in.
It's very difficult to be supportive and reassuring when somebody has put you through a hellish situation.
She is still as ignorant of the facts as ever, still maintaining all of my faults, but it's a case of making things as easy as possible because of the littleun.
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Post by Mr_DaftBurger on Aug 14, 2014 21:26:13 GMT
She most likely will say that Yep , I work with a guy whose ex poisoned their little girls mind , so when he did get to see her she had already decided she hated him and the whole situation became awkward . Can't wait :/ It's important that whatever the temptation you do not bad mouth the mother. Kids are smart and eventually work it out for themselves. If she bad mouths you and the child finds it's not true they will end up hating the person who fed the lies. Works both ways so keep your thoughts to yourself. As they say 'Not in front of the children!'
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 7:38:23 GMT
Split up after 20 years. Thought end of my life. Met a new woman out of the blue 2 years later, Happiest I have ever been and been together 4 years now. Frank Maloney ?
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Post by Northy on Aug 15, 2014 8:33:21 GMT
Any first post split 'encounter' advice? Very strange occurrence this evening! Pray, tell us more I bumped into an ex, (she went off with somebody else when I was away, although we weren't married but engaged and living together) in Hanley on a weekend night, she had had a drink and said to me 'you can mess my lipstick up anytime you want' so I did there and then, smeared it across her face, it was great and to give her her due she said 'I deserved that'
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