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Post by pickins on Jun 29, 2014 12:59:45 GMT
Any advice from the wise minds of the oatcake?
Stories of brighter, better future's etc?
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Post by RichieBarkerOut! on Jun 29, 2014 13:13:21 GMT
You'll never love like that ever again. Sorry mate.
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Post by pickins on Jun 29, 2014 13:16:02 GMT
Let's hope so!
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Post by RichieBarkerOut! on Jun 29, 2014 13:32:00 GMT
I meant to say, they'll all like that in the end. Sorry mate.
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Post by Billybigbollox on Jun 29, 2014 13:51:40 GMT
It's either go through the misery now or put up with the misery for ever. 28 fucking years. Sob.
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Post by Squeekster on Jun 29, 2014 13:58:08 GMT
Plenty more fish in the sea!
If you like fish that is.
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Jun 29, 2014 14:50:14 GMT
It's even harder staying with some one you dunner get on with.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2014 15:18:31 GMT
Get it on with her mate and have done with it.
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Post by lastoftheldk on Jun 29, 2014 15:30:48 GMT
When you got one its easy to get another, when you don't have one its harder to get one,
get to the knocking shop
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Post by rogerjonesisgod on Jun 29, 2014 16:38:00 GMT
You could try not being such a wind up, pain in the arse and then you might keep the next one. Too soon? Only kidding, but seriously, that is your last and final chance to enjoy true love in your lifetime. Anyhoo, do you think Greece will score tonight? I don't know whether to go over or under 2.5 goals? Thoughts?
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Post by maninasuitcase on Jun 29, 2014 16:38:04 GMT
Sympathise with you mate. Split up with mine in February after 8 years. It felt more like a brother sister relationship in the end, however we have remained friends. We sold up and I have the joys of living with my dad, however hoping to be gone in 2/3 weeks as I've got somewhere to live in pipeline. The problem is I have to start again from scratch as the large majority of stuff was hers when we got together. Got a few bits off the family to get me going so I'm grateful for that but it will be bare boards till I can afford to kit the place out. The only important thing I took was the dog. It was a dark tunnel but the light is getting bigger. The other good thing is I have my freedom to go out and my friends and family have been supportive by dragging me out to keep me sane Keep your chin up buddy cos it does get better.
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Post by pickins on Jun 29, 2014 18:56:44 GMT
Ah t'will all be good come christmas.
Unfortunately there are kids to think of too, dragged it out for their sake but she's had enough and it's mutual this time. It's a case of priorities from now on...... and a trip to Latvia.
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Post by mermaidsal on Jun 29, 2014 20:26:25 GMT
Any advice from the wise minds of the oatcake? Stories of brighter, better future's etc? Look on the bright side, you'll end up spending lots more time on here and make lots of 'friends' who aren't your real friends at all but a lot of bored, bigoted, predatory backstabbers Sorry for the break up but by the sound of it, glad you got out alive!
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Post by mermaidsal on Jun 29, 2014 20:29:46 GMT
Ah t'will all be good come christmas. Unfortunately there are kids to think of too, dragged it out for their sake but she's had enough and it's mutual this time. It's a case of priorities from now on...... and a trip to Latvia. Serious answer. We split up when the twins were 8 and for them as well as ex and me, it was the right thing to be decisive and make the break - if you hang on too long so much anger often comes from both parents and lands on children's heads without anyone meaning to. If it's got to happen, a clean break and then non-angry access arrangements really have worked for us. Also we kept both sets of grandparents onside, that's helped immensely. How old are your kids picks?
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Post by jonah77 on Jun 29, 2014 20:35:10 GMT
I'd like to say my marriage reached the point where we became more like brother and sister than husband and wife but I actually like my sister and detested my wife. Don't worry about it bro. Plenty more fish etc,etc. on a serious note, make sure you spend quality time with your kids or there stopping with you will become a chore for them not an enjoyable time. If your skint like me then just take them to the park or on bike rides. It doesn't have to be trips to Alton towers every week.
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Post by pickins on Jun 29, 2014 20:36:15 GMT
Mine is 3 and step son is 13. All a bit sh**e really but such is life. Just didn't fancy being part of the national broken family statistics. I have a decent career ahead and will be more than a one night a week dad so I'm sure all will be well.
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Post by ihaveadream on Jun 30, 2014 12:58:58 GMT
Sometimes you have to be out of a relationship to realise how toxic it was.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2014 13:42:29 GMT
Mine is 3 and step son is 13. All a bit sh**e really but such is life. Just didn't fancy being part of the national broken family statistics. I have a decent career ahead and will be more than a one night a week dad so I'm sure all will be well. you still going to live locally to them mate? split up with mine few years back and have 2 kids. as i still live locally we have an arrangement that whenever they're with her, if they want to see daddy they can anytime and vice versa when they're with me. speak to them every night on the phone and have them in the week and every other weekend. people will say you "get used to it" (not living with your kids) but you don't, you just learn how to cope with it. i don't miss the ex in any way (and not in a negative way, we still get on well) but still always miss the kids but as long as you have a good relationship with them (and having an amicable one with the ex is necessary for that) then you'll probably get closer to them as when you do see them it will be just YOUR time with them alone. when i split up i was devastated at not being able to see them every day and everything they did etc. but you will get through it, come out the other side and instead of you losing a relationship with them you're just changing the one you will have with them and it will be more about you and them specifically. there are good times ahead!
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Post by mermaidsal on Jun 30, 2014 19:24:59 GMT
you still going to live locally to them mate? split up with mine few years back and have 2 kids. as i still live locally we have an arrangement that whenever they're with her, if they want to see daddy they can anytime and vice versa when they're with me. speak to them every night on the phone and have them in the week and every other weekend. people will say you "get used to it" (not living with your kids) but you don't, you just learn how to cope with it. i don't miss the ex in any way (and not in a negative way, we still get on well) but still always miss the kids but as long as you have a good relationship with them (and having an amicable one with the ex is necessary for that) then you'll probably get closer to them as when you do see them it will be just YOUR time with them alone. when i split up i was devastated at not being able to see them every day and everything they did etc. but you will get through it, come out the other side and instead of you losing a relationship with them you're just changing the one you will have with them and it will be more about you and them specifically. there are good times ahead! Really hear the pain in this People say it's hard being a mum bringing up kids (largely) on your own and yes it is sometimes, but the compensation of having them with you more or less full time is a massive difference, I wouldn't swap for sure.
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Post by chrispk76 on Jul 2, 2014 22:10:43 GMT
Going through similar myself mate after 13 years . crazy timing. have a 6 year old boy who I dote on like any father does. Put him to bed most nights by reading him a story. But, she's now nearly 8 months pregnant and has decided our relationship is intolerable. we've had discussions before about the "brother/sister" thing and if one of us isn't on our smartphone then the other is. nothing really has changed since then and i just accepted this is how it would be, if she didn't moan about it then I'll just put up with it. it's only happened this week but it seems certain there's no resolving. So we are in seperate rooms trying to figure out how we are going to do this. the house is in a joint mortgage that my parents gave us £12k deposit on 5years ago,if we sold at market value it'd leave us with about £3k each after returning my parents cash and paying usual fees. That could take months or years to sell so what do we do in the meantime as neither of us will move out , she has nowhere to go to with family and I daren't leave the house as every single thing is in my name except the joint mortgage, plus I have to protect my parents cash. The thought of being a weekend dad and walking into an empty house on weekdays makes me feel physically sick. That's before I even think about another bloke (eventually) bringing my kids up and having more nights with them than I get . Plus everything I will miss with my soon to be son who isn't even breathing for himself yet ! growing up, crawling , walking, talking and doing random silly things It's gonna be a truly shit year of my life at least. It's taking all my willpower to not press the self destruct button
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Post by chigstoke on Jul 2, 2014 22:51:41 GMT
Going through similar myself mate after 13 years . crazy timing. have a 6 year old boy who I dote on like any father does. Put him to bed most nights by reading him a story. But, she's now nearly 8 months pregnant and has decided our relationship is intolerable. we've had discussions before about the "brother/sister" thing and if one of us isn't on our smartphone then the other is. nothing really has changed since then and i just accepted this is how it would be, if she didn't moan about it then I'll just put up with it. it's only happened this week but it seems certain there's no resolving. So we are in seperate rooms trying to figure out how we are going to do this. the house is in a joint mortgage that my parents gave us £12k deposit on 5years ago,if we sold at market value it'd leave us with about £3k each after returning my parents cash and paying usual fees. That could take months or years to sell so what do we do in the meantime as neither of us will move out , she has nowhere to go to with family and I daren't leave the house as every single thing is in my name except the joint mortgage, plus I have to protect my parents cash. The thought of being a weekend dad and walking into an empty house on weekdays makes me feel physically sick. That's before I even think about another bloke (eventually) bringing my kids up and having more nights with them than I get . Plus everything I will miss with my soon to be son who isn't even breathing for himself yet ! growing up, crawling , walking, talking and doing random silly things It's gonna be a truly shit year of my life at least. It's taking all my willpower to not press the self destruct button I can tell by just reading this how difficult this must be for you. It must take a TON of will power to keep a cool head and not to do anything rash. There are people in similar situations who posted on this thread and I am sure they are more than happy to give you some advice and help. Just remember that support is there fella, if you need it. The kid is gonna be the most important part of this, and its important he has you as the central figure in his life. I hope it works out for you mate
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Post by dutchstokie on Jul 3, 2014 6:50:43 GMT
Going through similar myself mate after 13 years . crazy timing. have a 6 year old boy who I dote on like any father does. Put him to bed most nights by reading him a story. But, she's now nearly 8 months pregnant and has decided our relationship is intolerable. we've had discussions before about the "brother/sister" thing and if one of us isn't on our smartphone then the other is. nothing really has changed since then and i just accepted this is how it would be, if she didn't moan about it then I'll just put up with it. it's only happened this week but it seems certain there's no resolving. So we are in seperate rooms trying to figure out how we are going to do this. the house is in a joint mortgage that my parents gave us £12k deposit on 5years ago,if we sold at market value it'd leave us with about £3k each after returning my parents cash and paying usual fees. That could take months or years to sell so what do we do in the meantime as neither of us will move out , she has nowhere to go to with family and I daren't leave the house as every single thing is in my name except the joint mortgage, plus I have to protect my parents cash. The thought of being a weekend dad and walking into an empty house on weekdays makes me feel physically sick. That's before I even think about another bloke (eventually) bringing my kids up and having more nights with them than I get . Plus everything I will miss with my soon to be son who isn't even breathing for himself yet ! growing up, crawling , walking, talking and doing random silly things It's gonna be a truly shit year of my life at least. It's taking all my willpower to not press the self destruct button Can relate to a lot of that fella....got married in 2004 and she did the dirty with an old flame in 2009.....4months it was going on n all. I was trying to find an old related footie story on the lap top and couldnt remember the website so I went into the histroy of the PC and wallop......divorceplanner.nl, child maintenance documents what to do with house contents documents, divisioon of savings documents the fuckin lot. She got rumbled royally so the day after I confronted her and it all came out What really grated my gears though was we arranged it so that she could move out whilst I was in Stockholm working (so I didnt have to see her) The weekend between the 2 week stint in Stockholm we agreed I would have the kiddies. I gets home Saturday morning to an empty house with a note on the table saying "the kids have come with me" Gutted wasnt the word....just sat sobbin - dont mind to admit it.... After many months of childish squabbling on both parts I have to say it worked out fine. The kids are everything to me and as long as theyre fine then Im a happy chappy ! As others have mentioned it DOES get easier.....if I can give andy advice to you its just keep calm...a difficult thing to do under the circumstances As regards to the ex - I wish nothing but pain, anguish, suffering, financial ruin, guilt and a dose of herpes
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Post by chrispk76 on Jul 3, 2014 10:22:20 GMT
Cheers for the words guys it means/helps a lot and I'm sure the OP would agree . I've been calm so far and will remain that way, some part of me is in denial though I think, a sort of thinking "it's just her hormones". But deep down I know that's not the case and I'll have to face up to not having my kid/kids around me as much as I would like, I just hope it doesn't get to the stage where they become a weapon and that she doesn't chirp in their ears saying "your dad is to blame for everything" especially when I meet someone else
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Post by lastoftheldk on Jul 3, 2014 10:43:24 GMT
She most likely will say that
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Post by chrispk76 on Jul 3, 2014 12:23:27 GMT
She most likely will say that Yep , I work with a guy whose ex poisoned their little girls mind , so when he did get to see her she had already decided she hated him and the whole situation became awkward . Can't wait :/
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 13:51:38 GMT
Get yourself out to drowned your sorrows I'll ask Julian to meet/meat up with you You'll never look back......... ....well nervously maybe
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 14:02:35 GMT
Keep it all civil, even if you're raging inside, carry on being the best dad you can as that is the most important thing in this......keep a good routine going with your kids...and don't over pamper them they are tougher than you think
Look at the bigger picture and do all those things you would have done if you were single.......life's short....don't waste it
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Post by iancransonsknees on Jul 3, 2014 19:24:24 GMT
especially when I meet someone else Why would you do that, they're all fucking mental. To paraphrase a great line from the tremendous Early Doors; it'd be like winning the lottery and giving it all back.
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Post by mermaidsal on Jul 3, 2014 19:28:18 GMT
chris, picks, everyone else going through this - just wishing you luck, good friends and good family through a shitty, shitty time. Life does get easier in the end after a marriage breakdown, truly, but taking everything to bits is hell.
One big piece of advice is do what you're doing now, talk about it and keep talking, don't let it all go inwards or it burns holes in you. One reason women generally seem to handle this better is we're expected to talk thnis stuff out and blokes aren't. One more daft gender stereotype...
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Post by chrispk76 on Jul 3, 2014 20:05:17 GMT
Thanks Minnie and sal, good advice and good to see there is light at the end of the long tunnel. glad I stumbled across this thread .
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