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Post by vestanpance on Jan 14, 2009 14:08:44 GMT
Something posted elsewhere reminded me of a time me & Mrs Pance were watching a Channel 4 documentary about beastiality (remember it?) and this bloke was going on about fucking his dog, and how sometimes he (the dog) loved it and other times he didn't want to know.
My Mrs then turned to me and said "eurgh, that's disgusting. It's a boy dog".
Anyone else have a mrs type thing capable of outstanding moments of stupidity, or am I just the lucky one?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2009 14:11:30 GMT
When I was watching the same documentary my missus looked at me and said “look, I told you that vestan was fucking disgusting. I do wish you’d stop hanging around with him”
She just doesn’t understand. Neither does the dog.
Kind regards
WD
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Post by vestanpance on Jan 14, 2009 14:15:02 GMT
;D
Go and do some work or something, you fucking otter-botherer.
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Post by lew86 on Jan 14, 2009 14:22:43 GMT
"Is it in yet"
I'll ponder on it as the fair lady has a wealth of brilliant statements
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2009 14:24:15 GMT
A woman at work said to me yesterday said “Who is Stephen Hawking?” I replied and explained he was a famous scientist, wrote A Brief History of time, wheel chair bound etc etc. I reeled a few things off about him and there was nothing registering (very blonde)
I then asked why and she said she’d had a joke text off a mate. I asked her to read it to me “What’s black and sits at the top of the stairs?...........Stephen Hawking after a house fire” she said and then she paused for a few seconds, obviously trying to work it out, and then followed up with the comment “Is he black as well then?”
What do you say to that?
Priceless.
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Post by smapples on Jan 14, 2009 14:28:40 GMT
My mrs says nothing, she is inflatable.
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Post by rocket88 on Jan 14, 2009 14:33:44 GMT
Stupid things you Mrs says....
"Our lad eats like a bucket". ;D
"She's as thick as two short bricks". ;D
"Technology Cartoon". (she means an animated film). ;D
I wouldn't swap her for the world (maybe a lorry load of Stella though). ;D
A friends Mrs came out with this years ago >>>>
But i'll have to set the scene first.
We were sitting in the pub (Roebuck, Caroline st, Longton).
It was a bikers/rockers pub & we were talking about things we had been up to.
One of the subjects was dodgy road tax/insurance.
MrX called over to MrsX & said (tongue in cheek),"wev'e done something illegal haven't we duck"? (he'd got a dodgy tax disc/ins etc).
MrsX came storming over & blurted out,"have you told these b******s wev'e been having anal sex"? ;D
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Post by rocket88 on Jan 14, 2009 14:38:48 GMT
A woman at work said to me yesterday said “Who is Stephen Hawking?” I replied and explained he was a famous scientist, wrote A Brief History of time, wheel chair bound etc etc. I reeled a few things off about him and there was nothing registering (very blonde) I then asked why and she said she’d had a joke text off a mate. I asked her to read it to me “What’s black and sits at the top of the stairs?...........Stephen Hawking after a house fire” she said and then she paused for a few seconds, obviously trying to work it out, and then followed up with the comment “Is he black as well then?” What do you say to that? Priceless. How does she manage to get through everyday life ? ??? |
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Post by lew86 on Jan 14, 2009 14:45:01 GMT
I swear most some women are dangerous.
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Post by rocket88 on Jan 14, 2009 14:52:54 GMT
My mrs says nothing, she is inflatable. At first, i thought that was a play on the word,'Infallable'.  Christ, i'm slow! ;D |
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Post by bondygodfatherleek on Jan 14, 2009 14:57:29 GMT
My mrs says nothing, she is inflatable. At first, i thought that was a play on the word,'Infallable'. Christ, i'm slow! ;D When my missus left me & 4 kids in 96 ;D  , She said to me that I loved Stoke City ;D ;D more than her. I said dunna be daft lass, I love vale more than you  . Haven't seen her since  8-)me . |
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Post by salopstick on Jan 14, 2009 15:46:12 GMT
do you want a brew?
no need to ask!!
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Post by rocket88 on Jan 14, 2009 15:56:22 GMT
"do i look fat in this"?  |
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Post by rocket88 on Jan 14, 2009 15:59:38 GMT
"are you going to fix this washing machine or are you just going to sit there getting pissed & listening to the Stoke match". ;D
I just made that one up! ;D
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Post by sweetandinnocent on Jan 14, 2009 16:15:54 GMT
comments made by an old ex - girl freindher dad was having a new cooker." "guess what babe, my dads having a new cooker today" me - "gas or electric?" "i dont know, whats the difference? " ;D ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Watching a world cup game, i'm sure it was argentina v spain."What countrys Argentina in Babe?" me - ";D have a guess!?!?" " Its in Spain somewhere int it?" ;D ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- yes she was blonde 
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Post by rocket88 on Jan 14, 2009 16:18:52 GMT
comments made by an old ex - girl freindher dad was having a new cooker." guess what babe, my dads having a new cooker today" me - "gas or electric?" "i dont know, whats the difference? " ;D ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Watching a world cup game, i'm sure it was argentina v spain."What countrys Argentina in Babe?" me - ";D have a guess!?!?" " Its in Spain somewhere int it?" ;D ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- yes she was blonde  |
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Post by mumf14 on Jan 14, 2009 16:22:16 GMT
"..MOVE YOU FAT IDLE ARSE... YOU FAT BASTUURD..!!
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Post by BrianLeicsStokie on Jan 14, 2009 16:28:46 GMT
"Is it supposed to go in there?"
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Post by chunky on Jan 14, 2009 16:37:25 GMT
you wont come in my mouth will you?
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Post by jonesinamillion on Jan 14, 2009 16:44:27 GMT
A quote from a mtes missus...
Back in late 70's to early 80's apparently there was a botchulism outbreak which had many people petrified. Getting in one night he put the news on to see if there had been any developments. Newsreader "The Botchulism outbreak has been narrowed down to have been caused by canned Tuna, in particular form a plant in Canada."
His missus turned to him and said...
"...well i never knew Tuna came from plants"
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Post by lordeffinghamhunt on Jan 14, 2009 18:01:19 GMT
" Tell the maid to stop sucking your cock"
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Post by dadofsam on Jan 14, 2009 18:56:14 GMT
'Don't buy those biscuits, you'll only eat them'
Well, yes
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Post by Batfink on Jan 14, 2009 19:04:42 GMT
"You told me that we are playing Holland, it says the Netherlands there!"
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Post by rocket88 on Jan 14, 2009 19:08:51 GMT
"i'm on the Atkins diet, it works". ;D
"i'm going Slimfast, it works". ;D
"i'm on the De-tox diet, it works". ;D
"i'm going the gym with me mate, it works". ;D
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2009 19:32:03 GMT
Going through Cellerhead and seeing the new wind turbines mar lady said "What have they put them up for" I nearly crashed in the Hopeless wanker pub..... |
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Post by Ron Jeremy on Jan 14, 2009 21:17:48 GMT
psml, the best threads on this forum are about women
Haha !
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Post by stokee72 on Jan 14, 2009 22:43:58 GMT
my missus on the exercise bike at the gym - 'how long will it take to do 3 miles'
me - 'depends on how fast you pedal'
lovely wife - what do you mean?
me - if it takes you 20 mins to get to hanley at 50 mph you'll get there quicker than if you averaged 30 mph'
lovely wife - ''why''
agh - engineer vs beauty therapist - doh!
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Post by NE8Stokie on Jan 14, 2009 22:51:58 GMT
"That Pericard fella looks like he's a good player..."
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Post by stokecity on Jan 14, 2009 23:00:46 GMT
ok, promised other half I wouldn't post but what the hey 1. on parking the car in Bentilee she hid the crooklock under the seat. I asked what she was doing and she said she didn't want someone breaking the window with it to get in the car. 2. On about an Orange mobile phone contract with 60 minutes of free talk she said it would be no use to her 'cos she'd use that in half an hour. 3. We've had the one about not buying biscuits 'cos the kids will only eat them. 4. Loads of others that I can't think of but will come to me later. |
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Post by stokeylad on Jan 15, 2009 0:43:16 GMT
absolutley brilliant thread, shame i can't add any ofmy own, but i'll have a think
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, She said to me that I loved Stoke City ;D ;D more than her. I said dunna be daft lass, I love vale more than you 
8-)me 
