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Post by middleoftheboothen on Mar 4, 2024 9:23:31 GMT
Recall my father in law letting one go in the Stafford Arms, Bagnalll helped by a wooden seat the acoustics were unreal. The whole pub went quiet and I got daggers all night as they thought it was me. My ex-missus confessed years after the event, that the incredibly potent smell that cleared the kitchen in seconds at a party in Fareham, wasn't actually my beer monster mate that got the majority of the blame at the time, it was her 😄 The guilt was weighing her down all that time. A heavy burden to bear I'd imagine.
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Post by nott1 on Mar 4, 2024 9:29:09 GMT
Anybody ever had a course of chemotherapy and presented 6 months of chemo farts? Absolute Chemical warfare stuff. I have just had chemo,no change on the farting front though. That's just not good enough, NHS cuts to blame so get them to give you a stronger dose next time and your farts will be more effective!
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Post by skemstokie on Mar 4, 2024 9:41:25 GMT
I have just had chemo,no change on the farting front though. That's just not good enough, NHS cuts to blame so get them to give you a stronger dose next time and your farts will be more effective! Got to admit they have always been quite pungent.
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Post by skemstokie on Mar 5, 2024 12:11:58 GMT
That's just not good enough, NHS cuts to blame so get them to give you a stronger dose next time and your farts will be more effective! Got to admit they have always been quite pungent. Went to Dublin a few years back a session in Temple bar a full Irish breakfast followed by a good walk around Dublin,we were walking passed Dunns store wife stopped to look in window i walked on a few yards not realising she had stopped,as i waited felt a rumble and out it came wife turned and walked headlong into it. Later we went to the ferry terminal and into Dunns again just to pick up a few bits to take home ,basket was nearlyfull when i struck again wife put basket on floor and left the building as they say xxx
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Mar 5, 2024 12:29:39 GMT
Got to admit they have always been quite pungent. Went to Dublin a few years back a session in Temple bar a full Irish breakfast followed by a good walk around Dublin,we were walking passed Dunns store wife stopped to look in window i walked on a few yards not realising she had stopped,as i waited felt a rumble and out it came wife turned and walked headlong into it. Later we went to the ferry terminal and into Dunns again just to pick up a few bits to take home ,basket was nearlyfull when i struck again wife put basket on floor and left the building as they say xxx 😁 Farting outside of Dunnes just isn't acceptable. The Irish M & S ..My Mum would have had you not allowed with 100 yards of any of their stores for life if she was aware of this. You desicrated Ireland's prime cardigan supplier there
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Post by dirtclod on Mar 5, 2024 12:31:51 GMT
Whiskey with Chili I've found is the most consistent at producing thermonuclear-level farts. Be careful doing it in public, or the "offended" bunch will label it terrorism. (Or some bloke might try to punch you out in Block 28)
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Post by ihaveadream on Mar 5, 2024 13:08:35 GMT
What row? I'm in block 28 and saw no signs of commotion. But did you smell any signs?
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Post by RF10 on Mar 5, 2024 13:23:33 GMT
If it was the same bloke the eruption on the bus back to Stoke was something to behold. I've not smelt anything like it since a trip on The Nile in Cyro.
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Post by cvillestokie on Mar 5, 2024 13:56:37 GMT
Whiskey with Chili I've found is the most consistent at producing thermonuclear-level farts. Be careful doing it in public, or the "offended" bunch will label it terrorism. (Or some bloke might try to punch you out in Block 28) Protein shake consumption is directly correlated with number and pungency of farts as well. Only some of my wife’s senses have been pleased by my desire to get back into shape 😂
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Post by skemstokie on Mar 5, 2024 15:18:48 GMT
Went to Dublin a few years back a session in Temple bar a full Irish breakfast followed by a good walk around Dublin,we were walking passed Dunns store wife stopped to look in window i walked on a few yards not realising she had stopped,as i waited felt a rumble and out it came wife turned and walked headlong into it. Later we went to the ferry terminal and into Dunns again just to pick up a few bits to take home ,basket was nearlyfull when i struck again wife put basket on floor and left the building as they say xxx 😁 Farting outside of Dunnes just isn't acceptable. The Irish M & S ..My Mum would have had you not allowed with 100 yards of any of their stores for life if she was aware of this. You desicrated Ireland's prime cardigan supplier there What is my fate for farting inside a Dunnes like i did in Dun Laoghaire store?
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Mar 5, 2024 15:21:51 GMT
😁 Farting outside of Dunnes just isn't acceptable. The Irish M & S ..My Mum would have had you not allowed with 100 yards of any of their stores for life if she was aware of this. You desicrated Ireland's prime cardigan supplier there What is my fate for farting inside a the Dun Laoghaire store? DL was built as a port to send farting offenders on the next ferry to Liverpool as punishment Was kind of the Irish Answer to Van Diemens land in fart circumstances.
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Post by skemstokie on Mar 5, 2024 15:48:25 GMT
What is my fate for farting inside a the Dun Laoghaire store? DL was built as a port to send farting offenders on the next ferry to Liverpool as punishment Was kind of the Irish Answer to Van Diemens land in fart circumstances. Always wondered why i ended up Skelmersdale full of scousers,my fart was not that bad.
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Mar 5, 2024 15:54:04 GMT
DL was built as a port to send farting offenders on the next ferry to Liverpool as punishment Was kind of the Irish Answer to Van Diemens land in fart circumstances. Always wondered why i ended up Skelmersdale full of scousers,my fart was not that bad. Was just chatting to someone from DL oddly about an hour ago. Big Pool fan but looks out for us I haven't mentioned you releasing gaseous emissions on his patch as he's quite the lairy gentleman 😁
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Post by kevkj on Mar 5, 2024 16:05:04 GMT
I once cleared the bar at the Coach & Horses in Stafford one Saturday night,after returning from the match. It seems a full English breakfast,wrights pie and sausage roll early afternoon and 10 pints of Guinness could create a devlish concoction out my arse. I was very proud of it but did not claim for it as the two barmaids were gagging for breath.I just moved away with everyone else muttering which dirty bastard dropped that.
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Post by Goonie on Mar 5, 2024 16:34:47 GMT
I farted so loud once the neighbours in the adjoining house stopped arguing
True story
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Post by skemstokie on Mar 5, 2024 17:21:05 GMT
I once cleared the bar at the Coach & Horses in Stafford one Saturday night,after returning from the match. It seems a full English breakfast,wrights pie and sausage roll early afternoon and 10 pints of Guinness could create a devlish concoction out my arse. I was very proud of it but did not claim for it as the two barmaids were gagging for breath.I just moved away with everyone else muttering which dirty bastard dropped that. Was in the long line for league cup final tickets arrived early after several pints of Bents bitter and a few pickled eggs i was wrapped in a blanket as the line got shorter as people snuggled up closer to keep warm i happened upon a stool with 3 legs so made use of it balancing on 3 legs with blanket over my head,wether it was the warmth or the bitter or maybe the eggs but i felt warmth creeping up my back and could hear people blaming each other, in the end i peeked out and there was nobody within 10 foot of me, a total exclusion zone.
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Post by dirtclod on Mar 5, 2024 17:38:19 GMT
Whiskey with Chili I've found is the most consistent at producing thermonuclear-level farts. Be careful doing it in public, or the "offended" bunch will label it terrorism. (Or some bloke might try to punch you out in Block 28) Protein shake consumption is directly correlated with number and pungency of farts as well. Only some of my wife’s senses have been pleased by my desire to get back into shape 😂 Have experienced the protein shake one myself. And that's if it doesn't run completely through you at the start!
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Post by Squeekster on Mar 5, 2024 19:05:20 GMT
I farted so loud once the neighbours in the adjoining house stopped arguing True story I did one that woke me up once it was that loud, my brother was staying over(and sharing the double) and he was in hysterics as I awoke saying what why when.
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Post by skemstokie on Mar 5, 2024 19:27:53 GMT
Whiskey with Chili I've found is the most consistent at producing thermonuclear-level farts. Be careful doing it in public, or the "offended" bunch will label it terrorism. (Or some bloke might try to punch you out in Block 28) Protein shake consumption is directly correlated with number and pungency of farts as well. Only some of my wife’s senses have been pleased by my desire to get back into shape 😂 I suffered 6 T.I.A`s a few years back and ended up spending one night on the stroke ward and two of the patients were feed by a tube direct into their stomach`s a high protein diet when their bowels opened that was the smell to end all smells, my bed was by the window it was January and i spent most of the night with window open.
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Post by andyapotter on Mar 5, 2024 19:28:40 GMT
I farted so loud once the neighbours in the adjoining house stopped arguing True story I did one that woke me up once it was that loud, my brother was staying over(and sharing the double) and he was in hysterics as I awoke saying what why when. Farting in bed reminds me of the time I was in hospital for tests years ago now. Crept out for a few pints in the greyhound and snook back in through casualty. Not sure if it was the hospital food or the ale but I blew the covers off. Not sure if it was the thunder of my bum trumpet or the laughter of the 3 nurses crowding around the bed opposite that half woke me up. Llcy
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Post by enuntio on Mar 5, 2024 19:30:24 GMT
More fun than a match day thread 🤣
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Post by nott1 on Mar 6, 2024 10:59:22 GMT
Got to admit they have always been quite pungent. Went to Dublin a few years back a session in Temple bar a full Irish breakfast followed by a good walk around Dublin,we were walking passed Dunns store wife stopped to look in window i walked on a few yards not realising she had stopped,as i waited felt a rumble and out it came wife turned and walked headlong into it. Later we went to the ferry terminal and into Dunns again just to pick up a few bits to take home ,basket was nearlyfull when i struck again wife put basket on floor and left the building as they say xxx Sounds like you have a knack for getting your timing spot on!
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Post by skemstokie on Mar 6, 2024 11:29:52 GMT
Went to Dublin a few years back a session in Temple bar a full Irish breakfast followed by a good walk around Dublin,we were walking passed Dunns store wife stopped to look in window i walked on a few yards not realising she had stopped,as i waited felt a rumble and out it came wife turned and walked headlong into it. Later we went to the ferry terminal and into Dunns again just to pick up a few bits to take home ,basket was nearlyfull when i struck again wife put basket on floor and left the building as they say xxx Sounds like you have a knack for getting your timing spot on! Wife now tends to walk ahead of me
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Post by nott1 on Mar 7, 2024 10:00:59 GMT
Whiskey with Chili I've found is the most consistent at producing thermonuclear-level farts. Be careful doing it in public, or the "offended" bunch will label it terrorism. (Or some bloke might try to punch you out in Block 28) Protein shake consumption is directly correlated with number and pungency of farts as well. Only some of my wife’s senses have been pleased by my desire to get back into shape 😂 Must try that
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Post by mistergumby on Mar 7, 2024 10:20:41 GMT
Whiskey with Chili I've found is the most consistent at producing thermonuclear-level farts. Be careful doing it in public, or the "offended" bunch will label it terrorism. (Or some bloke might try to punch you out in Block 28) I see your whisky and chilli and raise you champagne and baked beans as a generator of flatus odiferous maximus.
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Post by borat on Mar 7, 2024 18:51:24 GMT
When I was in jail In 2017 my padmate was smoking something called mamba and the smell of his farts were horrific and obviously not helped by the fact you can't open your windows or doors! Apparently few people have ended up with a colostomy bag because it ruins your insides eventually.
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Post by nott1 on Mar 7, 2024 18:53:05 GMT
When I was in jail In 2017 my padmate was smoking something called mamba and the smell of his farts were horrific and obviously not helped by the fact you can't open your windows or doors! Apparently few people have ended up with a colostomy bag because it ruins your insides eventually. Serves em right!
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Post by palerider on Mar 7, 2024 20:49:40 GMT
I prefer a shit to a shag these days both great but don't have to cuddle it for an hour afterwords
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Post by dirtclod on Mar 7, 2024 22:04:55 GMT
Whiskey with Chili I've found is the most consistent at producing thermonuclear-level farts. Be careful doing it in public, or the "offended" bunch will label it terrorism. (Or some bloke might try to punch you out in Block 28) I see your whisky and chilli and raise you champagne and baked beans as a generator of flatus odiferous maximus. That could cause a serious explosion.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2024 5:15:35 GMT
Whiskey with Chili I've found is the most consistent at producing thermonuclear-level farts. Be careful doing it in public, or the "offended" bunch will label it terrorism. (Or some bloke might try to punch you out in Block 28) Protein shake consumption is directly correlated with number and pungency of farts as well. Only some of my wife’s senses have been pleased by my desire to get back into shape 😂 Spot on that mate. I'm on a high protein diet at the minute as I'm losing weight and toning up. Missus still not interested, but my uncontrollable shitting in bed at night isn't exactly turning her on
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