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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Sept 22, 2023 17:04:46 GMT
My wife was born female, she identifies as female, but according to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding, she's a family of four.
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Post by maxplonk on Sept 22, 2023 17:18:49 GMT
I had to give up running the origami club: I just couldn't handle the paperwork.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Sept 22, 2023 17:35:06 GMT
I had to give up running the origami club: I just couldn't handle the paperwork. Did it fold? |
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Post by bigjohnritchie on Sept 22, 2023 17:54:40 GMT
I had to give up running the origami club: I just couldn't handle the paperwork. Did it fold? That's creased me up! |
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Post by marylandstoke on Sept 22, 2023 18:06:59 GMT
Went past a place yesterday and they had a sign that said ‘We serve Breakfast anytime’
So I ordered bacon and eggs, during the renaissance.
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Post by lordb on Sept 22, 2023 19:43:30 GMT
You can get the World Oragami Championships on Sky Sports Paper view... |
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Sept 22, 2023 19:44:25 GMT
You can get the World Oragami Championships on Sky Sports Paper view... I don’t know why but I’m tickled |
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Post by wannabee on Sept 29, 2023 20:08:27 GMT
Blonde says to her friend: "My husband's suffers from dandruff and nothing we've tried seems to work."
Brunette Friend : "Oh, that's no problem. I gave my Husband Head and Shoulders and that did the trick."
Blonde : "How do you give Shoulders?"
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Post by chuffedstokie on Oct 2, 2023 18:17:35 GMT
I bought three gallons of Tipp ex today...
Big mistake.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Oct 3, 2023 2:41:38 GMT
"my mate has a quality street stuck in his throat...
"the purple one"..
"yeh, that's him"
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Post by frasier37 on Oct 7, 2023 13:26:03 GMT
speaking to my wife last night while browsing my phone, i said ...'what do you think of Tik Tok?'
Reply.....'The thicker the better'
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Post by lawrieleslie on Oct 8, 2023 6:18:16 GMT
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Post by lawrieleslie on Oct 8, 2023 6:46:43 GMT
If you weigh a whale at a whale-weigh station, where do you weigh a pie? ……………….somewhere over a rainbow.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Oct 8, 2023 7:32:51 GMT
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Post by marylandstoke on Oct 10, 2023 13:55:20 GMT
Just escaped from the police in nothing but my underwear.
There was a brief chase.
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Post by maxplonk on Oct 10, 2023 19:41:09 GMT
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar...
...no way is that a coincidence.
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Oct 10, 2023 22:40:31 GMT
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Post by marylandstoke on Oct 11, 2023 21:26:33 GMT
You only need two letters to spell panda.
P and A
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Oct 12, 2023 15:37:25 GMT
“My friend has a Quality Street chocolate blocking his windpipe."
“The Purple One?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Oct 12, 2023 15:46:52 GMT
How many roses are you meant to give the missus on her birthday ? My mate said in the pub yesterday he was giving his wife 6 of them, but I figured it would be more romantic to give 12, so that’s what I did.
Anyway , now she’s moaning about it and I’m starting to wonder if I should have just given her the whole tin.
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Post by scfc1863 on Oct 12, 2023 23:07:16 GMT
Time to come clean … 😵
The other night the wife went out to meet an old friend, so I decided to do something I’ve been considering for a long time… I started to watch a Man Utd game on the TV.
Unexpectedly, due to the friend not showing, I heard my wife pull into the driveway, … blind panic kicked in but fortunately I was able to find a porn channel, drop my trousers and quickly sit back down to save the embarrassment.
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Post by bigjohnritchie on Oct 13, 2023 18:34:53 GMT
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Post by lawrieleslie on Oct 13, 2023 18:37:52 GMT
Took me a minute….excellent |
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Post by scfc1863 on Oct 14, 2023 11:04:43 GMT
Q. Why are some people wary of Worcestershire Sauce?
A. It's very hard to say.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Oct 18, 2023 7:20:50 GMT
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.
Merging the Renault 'clio' with the Ford 'taurus' they have designed the 'clitaurus'. It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able to find it-let alone turn it on- even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.
Rumour has it though that it can be a real bitch to start in the morning.
Some have reported that on cold winter mornings,when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over at all. New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of.
Used models may initially appear to have kerb appeal and a low price but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel and become high maintenance and the kerb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are divided on the benefit of the in built feature of the boot size increasing over time and this model is therefore not expected to reach collector status.
Most owners find it's best to lease one and replace when it becomes problematic.
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Post by lawrieleslie on Oct 18, 2023 14:24:03 GMT
Went to watch the start of the Whitbread Single Handed round the world yacht race at Plymouth Hoe this morning. Cheating bastards were using both hands even before they’d sailed out of Plymouth Sound. So I went to the official start on Mountbatten Pier to make a complaint and the umpire said I was a loony. No wonder the world is in such a fucking mess when a blind eye is turned to such blatant cheating.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Oct 27, 2023 10:17:15 GMT
Went to a friends birthday party last night and he'd hired a local band called 1023MB. They were very good and are hoping to get a full gig next. Setting up danceswithclams here |
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Post by scfcwebby on Oct 28, 2023 15:56:57 GMT
I've just tried to buy a Dracula costume for Halloween & the girl in the shop tried to sell me a Port Vale shirt.
I said "I think you must have misheard me.... I said.......I want to look like a count!"
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Post by marylandstoke on Oct 28, 2023 19:42:49 GMT
My wife said why don’t you dress up for Halloween in something that will frighten everyone in the neighborhood.
I’m going as gluten.
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Post by marylandstoke on Oct 31, 2023 17:39:59 GMT
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
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