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Post by redstriper on Nov 4, 2013 16:37:27 GMT
I've heard loads of people say this over the years at Stoke, I've said it myself a few times, but have you ever truly believed it ?
If so, who was the player and when ?
For me, it was Vincent Pericard in the first half of the Cardiff game x years ago. I was in my forties, well past my best, and my best was fairly wank anyway. But that day I was certain I could have done better than Vince.
Fortunately Rick came on at half time and showed how it should be done, we won 3-0 I think.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2013 16:38:14 GMT
Glennda.
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Post by salopstick on Nov 4, 2013 16:38:51 GMT
Lil ant
I could sit on the bench or treatment table all day for his money and be quite crap for 5 minutes every ten games
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2013 16:39:52 GMT
Begovic on Saturday if it wasn't for the keeper being off his line it would have been straight down his throat...either side of the keeper Begs not straight at him, everyone knows that FFS!!!  |
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Post by cheekymatt71 on Nov 4, 2013 16:40:22 GMT
Not a better footballer in general, but I honestly think I could outrun Crouch in a 50 metre sprint no problem.
And Im an accountant!
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Post by stokiejoe on Nov 4, 2013 17:10:15 GMT
Not a better footballer in general, but I honestly think I could outrun Crouch in a 50 metre sprint no problem. And Im an accountant! Probably why the 100 metre sprint is down to 50 metres! Penny pincher!  |
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Post by onionman on Nov 4, 2013 17:23:48 GMT
Jason Kavanagh is probably the only Stoke player I've seen who didn't seem to actually know the basics - I mean the real absolute beginners basics - of football.
Remember when your Sunday morning team was a man short, so you called at someone's house to wake up their football-hating brother, just so that you could have a full team? Invariably this guy would be played at full-back, wearing trainers and borrowed shin pads, and looking completely confused every time he was given complicated instructions like "get in line", "stay goal-side" or the ever ambiguous "EVERYONE OUT!"
Jason Kavanagh was that man. His team-mates, I imagine, were probably mixed between those who felt sorry for him, damning him with faint encouragement like "Thanks for coming mate!", and the more impatient bullies who would talk about him as if he wasn't there at half-time: "Where did we get this prick from?"
He didn't even know how to jockey such a limited opponent as Francis Tierney. He would run forwards, then backwards, as Tierney approached him with the ball, then all of a sudden Kavanagh would take a frantic mad swipe with his foot, only to forlornly kick the air, before slipping on his arse to give the winger maximum time and space to make his cross.
Jason Kavanagh was not just a bad player, he was not actually a footballer at all. Neither am I, of course, but in 1999 I would still merited being ahead of Kavanagh in the queue for the right-back spot.
Honourable mentions also to Tony "The Shit One" Kelly, and Kofi Nyamah.
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Post by robwahlmann on Nov 4, 2013 17:27:46 GMT
None of us could do better through a whole match than the players out there, but some could probably take a better penalty or a better set piece! Some could even do better on one or two of the missed chances, but overall not a chance in hexx! |
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Post by cheekymatt71 on Nov 4, 2013 17:41:31 GMT
Not a better footballer in general, but I honestly think I could outrun Crouch in a 50 metre sprint no problem. And Im an accountant! Probably why the 100 metre sprint is down to 50 metres! Penny pincher! haha yes cant afford the full 100 metres, theres a recession on you know! |
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Post by Billybigbollox on Nov 4, 2013 20:17:11 GMT
I never seriously thought it until I saw Palacios on Saturday. Then I truly wished I had my boots with me coz I might be in with a chance of getting a game if he can.
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Post by yeswilko on Nov 4, 2013 20:56:38 GMT
The thing that gets me is when they can't pass it 10 yards to another player without it going tits up, i mean, for fucks sake, all you have done your whole life is play football. I played it for maybe 8/9 years with a game a week and maybe a couple of training sessions, but i could fuckin pass the ball to a blokes feet, on me left or right.. IT'S JUST PASSING THE FUCKING BALL !!!!!!!!
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Post by travisio92 on Nov 4, 2013 21:00:36 GMT
Danny Collins got me close a few times, at full-back he always looked like he was at the bus station trying to find the right bus. Just no real positional idea.
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Post by carruthers1on1 on Nov 4, 2013 21:02:49 GMT
PAUL BLOODY STEWART!!! I was once sat in the sentinel stand and during one particularly bad performance I shouted "oh for fucks sake Stewart". He looked me in the eyes and his face said "yes mate, I know".
I've got a horrible feeling the man had international caps
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Post by Somebody_Told_Me on Nov 4, 2013 21:14:26 GMT
Keith Scott!
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Post by Olgrligm on Nov 4, 2013 21:19:00 GMT
Jason Kavanagh is probably the only Stoke player I've seen who didn't seem to actually know the basics - I mean the real absolute beginners basics - of football. Remember when your Sunday morning team was a man short, so you called at someone's house to wake up their football-hating brother, just so that you could have a full team? Invariably this guy would be played at full-back, wearing trainers and borrowed shin pads, and looking completely confused every time he was given complicated instructions like "get in line", "stay goal-side" or the ever ambiguous "EVERYONE OUT!" Jason Kavanagh was that man. His team-mates, I imagine, were probably mixed between those who felt sorry for him, damning him with faint encouragement like "Thanks for coming mate!", and the more impatient bullies who would talk about him as if he wasn't there at half-time: "Where did we get this prick from?" He didn't even know how to jockey such a limited opponent as Francis Tierney. He would run forwards, then backwards, as Tierney approached him with the ball, then all of a sudden Kavanagh would take a frantic mad swipe with his foot, only to forlornly kick the air, before slipping on his arse to give the winger maximum time and space to make his cross. Jason Kavanagh was not just a bad player, he was not actually a footballer at all. Neither am I, of course, but in 1999 I would still merited being ahead of Kavanagh in the queue for the right-back spot. Honourable mentions also to Tony "The Shit One" Kelly, and Kofi Nyamah. If I remember rightly, he left us to become an accountant or bank manager or something. Before I thought of him, I was going to mention TP Jr, who genuinely did not have a single attribute required of a footballer. I recall him going on loan to Bristol Rovers (presumably a favour) and him having one appearance. He came on with five minutes left, gave away a penalty and got a yellow card. Somehow, he has played 19 games for Orlando City. |
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Post by salopstick on Nov 4, 2013 22:00:47 GMT
Jason Kavanagh is probably the only Stoke player I've seen who didn't seem to actually know the basics - I mean the real absolute beginners basics - of football. Remember when your Sunday morning team was a man short, so you called at someone's house to wake up their football-hating brother, just so that you could have a full team? Invariably this guy would be played at full-back, wearing trainers and borrowed shin pads, and looking completely confused every time he was given complicated instructions like "get in line", "stay goal-side" or the ever ambiguous "EVERYONE OUT!" Jason Kavanagh was that man. His team-mates, I imagine, were probably mixed between those who felt sorry for him, damning him with faint encouragement like "Thanks for coming mate!", and the more impatient bullies who would talk about him as if he wasn't there at half-time: "Where did we get this prick from?" He didn't even know how to jockey such a limited opponent as Francis Tierney. He would run forwards, then backwards, as Tierney approached him with the ball, then all of a sudden Kavanagh would take a frantic mad swipe with his foot, only to forlornly kick the air, before slipping on his arse to give the winger maximum time and space to make his cross. Jason Kavanagh was not just a bad player, he was not actually a footballer at all. Neither am I, of course, but in 1999 I would still merited being ahead of Kavanagh in the queue for the right-back spot. Honourable mentions also to Tony "The Shit One" Kelly, and Kofi Nyamah. If I remember rightly, he left us to become an accountant or bank manager or something. Before I thought of him, I was going to mention TP Jr, who genuinely did not have a single attribute required of a footballer. I recall him going on loan to Bristol Rovers (presumably a favour) and him having one appearance. He came on with five minutes left, gave away a penalty and got a yellow card. Somehow, he has played 19 games for Orlando City. And scored |
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Post by braddamick on Nov 4, 2013 22:54:24 GMT
I agree/ Palacios on Saturday.
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Post by boskampsflaps on Nov 4, 2013 22:56:40 GMT
Not a better footballer in general, but I honestly think I could outrun Crouch in a 50 metre sprint no problem. And Im an accountant! I think nearly everyone on this forum could. |
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Post by PotterLog on Nov 5, 2013 3:51:45 GMT
Having watched Stoke since about '85, I think the only player who I've genuinely thought I was superior to as a footballer was Justin Whittle. Not saying he was a terrible player for us - he was actually pretty solid in a hoofing, heading kind of way - but in terms of actual ball skills, he was like the big tall kid at school who was easily the hardest in the year, but utterly, utterly lost when a football landed at his feet.
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Post by Northy on Nov 5, 2013 6:31:33 GMT
Lil ant I could sit on the bench or treatment table all day for his money and be quite crap for 5 minutes every ten games Same here I think, I was still playing the odd game in the Crewe & District league until last season, and there were better players there than little ant |
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Post by Stoke711 on Nov 5, 2013 7:38:29 GMT
Shawcross' chance on Sat, over 90 mins Shotton on the wing, back in the day Keith Scott almost every week.
Edit: Walters' missed pens
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Post by lawrieleslie on Nov 5, 2013 7:38:50 GMT
Not me but my old man used to say he could do better than Bobby Irvine in goal in 60s. As Irvine ran on the pitch towards the Boothen waving to the fans, dad would say"there he goes feeling for the goal posts again".
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Post by jamasa on Nov 5, 2013 7:47:40 GMT
We should try a few more of these.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2013 7:55:00 GMT
John Clark.
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Post by hollybush on Nov 5, 2013 9:50:37 GMT
Jason Kavanagh is probably the only Stoke player I've seen who didn't seem to actually know the basics - I mean the real absolute beginners basics - of football. Remember when your Sunday morning team was a man short, so you called at someone's house to wake up their football-hating brother, just so that you could have a full team? Invariably this guy would be played at full-back, wearing trainers and borrowed shin pads, and looking completely confused every time he was given complicated instructions like "get in line", "stay goal-side" or the ever ambiguous "EVERYONE OUT!" Jason Kavanagh was that man. His team-mates, I imagine, were probably mixed between those who felt sorry for him, damning him with faint encouragement like "Thanks for coming mate!", and the more impatient bullies who would talk about him as if he wasn't there at half-time: "Where did we get this prick from?" He didn't even know how to jockey such a limited opponent as Francis Tierney. He would run forwards, then backwards, as Tierney approached him with the ball, then all of a sudden Kavanagh would take a frantic mad swipe with his foot, only to forlornly kick the air, before slipping on his arse to give the winger maximum time and space to make his cross. Jason Kavanagh was not just a bad player, he was not actually a footballer at all. Neither am I, of course, but in 1999 I would still merited being ahead of Kavanagh in the queue for the right-back spot. Honourable mentions also to Tony "The Shit One" Kelly, and Kofi Nyamah. If I remember rightly, he left us to become an accountant or bank manager or something. Before I thought of him, I was going to mention TP Jr, who genuinely did not have a single attribute required of a footballer. I recall him going on loan to Bristol Rovers (presumably a favour) and him having one appearance. He came on with five minutes left, gave away a penalty and got a yellow card. Somehow, he has played 19 games for Orlando City.This, of course, tells us all we ever need to know about US football (soccer). |
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Post by Bojan Mackey on Nov 5, 2013 10:13:13 GMT
Salif Diao, every time I watched him play I was convinced that him & his agent were con artists, and that he'd be more at home with the Stone Dominoes U12's, every pass was a complete disaster, he was slower than tectonic movement, and his mistiming of tackles on the edge of his own penalty area was so incredibly cringeworthy it crossed the line into hilarious.
Not just the worst player I've seen in a Stoke shirt, simply the most diabolical footballer I've ever seen in my life, he had absolutely no redeeming features whatsoever, to this day the name sends shivers down my spine in case he shows up at the Britannia for another "Ambassadorial role".
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2013 10:15:17 GMT
A lot of people seem to think they could do better than Hughes on here.
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Post by metalhead on Nov 5, 2013 13:16:35 GMT
I remember when I was younger watching Bryan Small and thinking to myself, when I'm a professional footballer, I'll never be as bad as that guy. I'm not a professional footballer, but I'm definitely not as bad as Bryan Small. Aside from the fact his positional sense was dreadful, he had this incredible uncanny ability of losing a man, even when the man he was marking wasn't really moving. He basically invented the term static attacking. He was also pretty much incapable of heading the ball, or using his right foot. I expect most kids from that generation are both footed, because watching Bryan Small try and use his right foot was absolutely painful and he used to do everything he could to switch onto his left ahhhh. His long range passing was... uhmm, okay at best, but I remember plenty of them flying into the stand.
I once remember reading an article that described Bryan Small as a 'tenacious full back with the ability to deliver a good cross'... I'm guessing they weren't a regular at Stoke matches.
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Post by Clem Fandango on Nov 5, 2013 13:29:19 GMT
Having watched Stoke since about '85, I think the only player who I've genuinely thought I was superior to as a footballer was Justin Whittle. Not saying he was a terrible player for us - he was actually pretty solid in a hoofing, heading kind of way - but in terms of actual ball skills, he was like the big tall kid at school who was easily the hardest in the year, but utterly, utterly lost when a football landed at his feet. I loved Whittle he was great. He was poor with ball but he certainly stuck to his man. I remember the Boro game at home in the 1997/98 season (first at the Brit) and he completely marked Merson out of the game. I think Merson went to the world cup in the summer as well. |
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Post by nantwichstokie on Nov 5, 2013 13:50:53 GMT
Lil ant I could sit on the bench or treatment table all day for his money and be quite crap for 5 minutes every ten games Same here I think, I was still playing the odd game in the Crewe & District league until last season, and there were better players there than little ant I play that league when I've not fucked me groin. Who were you playing for ?? For me the one player I seriously thought I could do better than was... Martin Carruthers (finishing wise) COULDN'T FINISH his fucking dinner that lad. |
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