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Post by burberrybassist on May 2, 2013 0:09:42 GMT
Oatcake remake of classic Channel 4 day time quiz show...
15 ffs to 1
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Post by nottspotter on May 2, 2013 0:19:27 GMT
GAME OF TONES
king toneey tries to appease the masses of stoke-on-trenteros having divided the Britannia. His blind faith is put in the white knight Walters against a savage onslaught from friend and foe alike. He bares his Peter Coates-of-arms against the usurper MON and trusts in his valiant band fighting in a cage formation
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Post by Miracle Aligner on May 2, 2013 0:22:13 GMT
Abdoulaye Fayes' Pie's - As the title reads, Abdoulaye hosts a half an hour cookery show on a Friday morning on the the channel where he tests out never before tried fillings in pastry.
Jones Moans and Groans - Reminiscent of Praise and Grumble, Kenwyne Jones hosts a football phone in show where fans can air their opinions on current affairs at the club. Of course, no one can understand what he says because he speaks in Rasta.
I'm also sure there is a 'Mama Role' joke in here somewhere, I just cant think of one this late.
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Post by thevoid on May 2, 2013 0:36:02 GMT
Corky: My Struggle
Four months after the horrific events at the Britannia Stadium, Jim Rosenthal meets tragic Jack Cork and hears his untold story. This programme contains harrowing images of Jack rolling around on the floor like a twat. Featuring appearances and tributes by Theo Paphitis, Sir Clive Woodward, ex-King Zog of Albania and the black guy from Ghostbusters.
Followed by:
CorkAid 2013
Highlights from the inaugral CorkAid concert held at the Municipal Swimming Baths, Kettering.
Includes The Travelling Wilburys headline set, Sir Trevor MacDonald in THAT dress, and Susan Boyle's showstopping collaboration with Aphex Twin.
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Post by cheeesfreeex on May 2, 2013 1:04:31 GMT
"..and Susan Boyle's showstopping collaboration with Aphex Twin." If it's a version of 'Windowlicker' please count me the feck in. If it's 'Didgeridoo' type shite I'm out....
Where's all this going on? On this thread... at a later date...
.. and I read earlier something about Smoke Infused Cider.... it's getting better..
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Post by RipRoaringPotter on May 2, 2013 3:05:14 GMT
06:00-09:00 - GOOD MOURNING: Wake up and get your day off to the worst possible start as regulars on the Oatcake dissect the 1-0 loss away to Man United, which must be the worst result in the history of football and makes us a laughing stock to the rest of the country, or possibly the whole world.
09:00-10:00 - CAN'T COOKE, WON'T COOKE: Tony Pulis talks about the difficult decision to release a hard-working, mediocre striker who plays for his boyhood club.
10:00-11:00 - SKEELS ON WHEELS: After a long and distinguished career as a footballer, a 73-year-old decides that he wants to learn how to roller skate.
11:00-12:00 - WHELAN OF FORTUNE: Contestants have the chance to guess where his next pass will go, for the chance to win a signed pair of Dean Whiteheads.
12:00-13:00 - OLDFIELDS OF GOLD: Relax for an hour as we play back some great passes from the Australian maestro, set to a soothing Eva Cassidy soundtrack which will make you fondly remember classics such as his six-yard pass to Chris Short or that time he passed forward to someone, somewhere.
13:00-14:00 - STRICTLY COME DISCO DANCING: Bryan Small fills in for Forysth [Richard, not Bruce], and even tries to show the contestants a thing or two.
14:00-16:00 - CARRY ON KEMPING: Hilarious japes as an administrative error leads to an assistant manager reading out a teamsheet for two hours solid.
16:00-16:30 - THOMAS THE WANK ENGINE: Honest but bumbling defender talks about his worst games in Stoke colours, including getting sent off against Sheffield United.
16:30-17:00 - CONROY OF THE ROVERS: In the biggest game of his career, can the boy himself get Stoke off to a good start in the 1972 League Cup Final.
17:00-18:00 - STRANGE HILL: It's the first day at school for a psychotic defender, but he struggles to fit in after maiming someone for using his pencil sharper and catching the attention of the headmaster after accidentally putting his head through the PE teacher.
18:00-19:00 - KOLAR ICE CAPS: We take a look at the recent victories of Czech left-wingers in battling climate change.
18:30-19:00 - VAN DEURZY SHORE: The group are startled when an odd-looking Belgian moves into the neighbourhood.
19:00-20:00 - HUTH DO YOU THINK YOU ARE: In our most sensational episode yet, a German traces his roots back to a bear.
20:00-21:00 - LIGHTS, KAMARA, ACTION: Comedy for all the family as a manager finds himself in the wrong place, at the wrong time.
21:00-23:00 - THE LIGHTBOURNE ULTIMATUM: A Bermudan man is found lying unconscious outside the Britannia Stadium, with a three-year contract surgically inserted into his head. With severe memory loss, he must try to remember how to play football or risk being sent to deepest, darkest Sweden.
23:00-00:00 - KNOWING ME, KNOWING PUGH: In the second part of our open University course, students have the chance to probe arguably the greatest mind to have ever played for Leeds, Man United, Stoke, Preston and Sheffield Wednesday.
00:00-02:00 - LAWRENCE OF A LABIA [18+]: Raunchy film as four footballers come home to try and get some rest after a long day's training at Sunderland, but one woman has other plans.
03:00-04:00 - GASH IN THE SEX ATTIC [18+]: Ever wondered what happened to the cheerleaders that used to come on at half-time? Well they're all grown up, and here for your pleasure guys.
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malt
Spectator
Posts: 12
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Post by malt on May 2, 2013 6:34:13 GMT
Dave Kemp Extreme World: -
Episode 1 USA: - Stoke City's ex-Assistant manager spends a year in America infiltrating the MLS' most notorious gangs, getting to know their strengths & weaknesses and more importantly whether or not any members could play the Mama role. Concern for his safety is raised after nobody hears from him in over 6 months. Dave returns however to take up the vacant assistant managers job after finding out the square root of fuck all. Much to the annoyance of the Oatcake message board.
Epsiode 2 Uruguay: - In the next episode Dave looks to track down the notorious Uruguayan party loving hard man known only as Diego. Kemp is delighted when he learns he can wear his Black Stoke bench coat and training shorts on a shopping trip in Montevideo, where Diego looks to buy a Ghetto Blaster for his off-shore apartment.
Episode 3: - Clayton Woods:- Dave returns to Stoke-On-Trent to work alongside the evil Welsh gangster Tony Pulis as they look to quash & repel anybody from having different views than them on how to play football. This week they target the influence of Scottish, Honduran, Nottingham & Chester based gangs in the Stoke City changing room.
Episode 4: - Summer 2013. Following the decision by the Coates family to dispose of Pulis, Kemp is called to the Bet365 office in festival park for a meeting with Coates family, where he his given an offer he can't refuse.
Episode 5: - The future, Kemp wins a celebrity look alike competition. Though his joy is soon turned to dispare after Madamme Tussards fail to commission the creation of the pre-match interview wax works featuring himself & Pulis fearing journalist Nigel Johnson.
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Post by lawrieleslie on May 2, 2013 6:43:11 GMT
I'm a Footballer, get me out of here.
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Post by LL Cool Dave on May 2, 2013 6:50:33 GMT
Room 1-0-1-0-1-0-1-01
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Post by Pugsley on May 2, 2013 7:04:04 GMT
Kempos About - hilarity assured in a new series following uber-coach Dave Kemp on his scouting missions. Weekly episodes come from either Sunderland or Pompey training grounds. A Christmas special is planned to film the master in action at grounds in North and South America.
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Post by baltipiesmuggler on May 2, 2013 7:14:51 GMT
"Can't kick, won't kick"
An in depth look at the complex relationship between Tony Pulis and Wilson Palacios.
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Post by jeycov on May 2, 2013 8:14:52 GMT
Family Fortunes. Eager game-show contestant Tony Pulis attempts to piss through as much of the Family's Fortune as he can in a 40 minute tv slot. Very good
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Post by westaussiestokie on May 2, 2013 8:41:10 GMT
Geoff and Brek star in a remake of 'An American in Paris'
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Post by Tony Clueless on May 2, 2013 8:46:39 GMT
Shottons got talent. Manager Pulis and assisant manager Kemp try to convince fans that the up and coming starlet as indeed got an once of talent.
Ep.2 Whelans got talent
Ep.3 Walters got talent.
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Post by scfc75 on May 2, 2013 8:46:54 GMT
Friends.... and I mean friends
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Post by stokeramblers on May 2, 2013 8:56:17 GMT
Embarrassing Bodies.
A Channel 4 special from the Stoke City training ground. Peter Crouch is embarrassed by his gigantism. A chubby Wilson Palacios talks about his complex relationship with bacon and cheese oatcakes. Manager Tony Pulis is worried that he appears to be a massive bellend.
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Post by westaussiestokie on May 2, 2013 9:10:11 GMT
Agent Sonko
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Post by nottspotter on May 2, 2013 9:16:55 GMT
GONE DOGGING
A revealing exposé on Liam Lawrence and the mystery of the 'tripping over the dog' injury. Contains scenes Of a perverse and sexual nature.
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Post by LL Cool Dave on May 2, 2013 10:12:50 GMT
Home.
Stoke Citys remake of popular Aussie soap 'Home and Away'
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Post by djralphy2k9 on May 2, 2013 10:24:35 GMT
The Jeremy Kyle Show - Stoke City special.
James Beattie returns to tell all on the TP incident, where the man himself runs out from the back with a towel.
Liam Lawrence then gives chase but trips over the dog on the way out.
Pennant is called out to stage but is to pissed to move from the sofa
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Post by baltipiesmuggler on May 2, 2013 10:39:00 GMT
Home. Stoke Citys remake of popular Aussie soap 'Home and Away' *applauds*
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Post by baltipiesmuggler on May 2, 2013 10:41:35 GMT
"The Family Ness"
Jamie's family are lovingly recreated in animated form, where they all wear tartan and live in a lake.
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Post by StokeyMan on May 2, 2013 11:12:12 GMT
"Shotton's Shot On Target"
A story about a young 'kiddie' who wants to make it big as a footballer, and proves his credentials with hour after hour of shooting attempts, with the odd misplaced cross for good measure.
The movie Premier, "Crouch starring in Walking Tall".
A remake of the 2004 film, of the same name, with the ironic substitution of Dwayne Johnson for Peter Crouch.
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SCFC TV !
May 2, 2013 11:25:56 GMT
via mobile
Post by lordeffinghamhunt on May 2, 2013 11:25:56 GMT
Ready Steady Crook. Printers at the ready for more money making hints at tips from Stoke City legend Mickey Thomas
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Post by likelyladgalizmo on May 2, 2013 11:27:24 GMT
SCFC Cribs.
This week Mama and Brucie Dyer will be looking at a property on Trentham road. The 7 bedroom house formerly of Lee Trundle is in need of some tlc.
Jon Walters street striker. Jon Boy is back again for another year and this time the search for the nation’s most skilful street footballer is bigger and better than ever!
SAS The Real Story series 1. Follow Mike and Simon as the dynmacic duo uncover there exploits.
Jamies 15 minute meal. Footballing superstar and chief Jamie Ness makes Falafel wraps and spiced chicken lentils.
Stoke City Sporting Heroes SCFCTV Presenter Nigel Johnson. interviews former Stoke star Kofi Nyamah about is stay in the potteries.
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Post by banburypotter on May 2, 2013 11:37:45 GMT
Deadliest 60
Abdulaye Faye reveals the 60 best ways to make opposition players shit themselves
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Post by banburypotter on May 2, 2013 11:38:44 GMT
By the way, this is the best thread that has been on here for many months
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SCFC TV !
May 2, 2013 11:43:59 GMT
via mobile
Post by nottspotter on May 2, 2013 11:43:59 GMT
Agreed! Was sat reading this and laughing out loud last night!
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Post by stokeramblers on May 2, 2013 11:44:37 GMT
Worlds Wildest Pulis Chases. Channel 5, 11pm Retired Sheriff and TV personality John Bunnell presents a show compiling Tony Pulis' craziest chases. "Britannia Stadium, Stoke on Trent" "It started out as a routine inquiry for Carlton Cole..."
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2013 11:49:05 GMT
"Bargain Hunt"
Tony Pulis goes on the hunt for some "cheap as chips" bargains.........
David Dickinson "What have you got yourself there Tony?" TP "It's a mid 1980s item, a centre midfielder, originated in America, seen better days...the signature reads 'Maurice Edu'...." DD "And what is it's purpose?" TP "Not a clue David. Not a fu**ing clue. It's marked up at 10 pence though" DD "And you'll think you'll make a profit?" TP "Doubtful Davey lad, but I've knocked the seller down to nothing.....bag it....I'm having it....."
….sometime later…..
DD "And what have you found now Tony?” TP “This is another mid 1980s product. Originated in Honduras. This one seems to be a bit heavier than the original. It’s called a Wilson Palacios…” DD “And what is it marked up at?” TP “£8m Davey lad” DD “£8m? For a fat copy of the original. Will you even use it?” TP “Doubtful Dave but I’ve fu**ing purchased it…….I fu*ing love stockpiling centre midfielders….” DD “Have you gone fu**ing mental?” TP “Not at all Dicko, not at all……..GOOOOOAAAARRRNNNN JON….” DD “Fu**ing Herbert…”
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