Anyone else remember that loon over on OVF calling himself Valiantitis or something similar a good few years ago? He'd write pages and pages of utter nonsense. Wonder what happened to him. Christ, he was funny.
All this Vale talk just reminded me of him....
We need him to report on the England games again. Like this.
but it is vale but it is england tonight not vale and it was them but
germany were conkered now it was albania in newcastle a smaller place
then germany I must admit but the same size of players about six foot
but it was I mean they it were there and they did needed to be treated
with little and no it I mean respect otherwise we will suffer but me
and carl got ready to watch it in the front room but there was
conflict and touch of frost was on channel three but me and carl won
the vote and it was us who had the telly but it was england it was
like a world cup final anyway it happens somthimes these games are so
important and it I mean it needs to be won and it must have been won
other wise german goal explosions on saterday would of counted for
little it would have been worthless
it started and we were having roast potataos it was done in a
microwave and the grass was wet but slippy but heskey should have had
longer stud boots to make it stand up better but we had the microwave
for christamas and mint sauce as well but which I use instead of salt
but carl likes mustard and it was nose boom explosion as the players
sumerged from out of the newcastle tunnel and national anthems sung
like opera but albania they had one to which was long but had it I
mean it needed some trumpets to liven it up but then england boomed
god save the queen hopeful and rejoiceful oh oh de do do us oh
faithful victorious god save the queen and it was loud but then
silence for moore which was impressive as quiet as if it were loud but
then we all sat still for that I made sure I went upstairs to do one
before the game kicked it off and empty myself but it I mean vinger
from the mint sauce plays havok with my tail
But it kicked off and it was owen going fast and slow then quick and
showing signs of naylor but been tricky and caused problems from the
start and beckham with his special boot colour and england were all in
white a bit like vale ldv winning era team from the past but it was
barmby clever misjudged placement header wide of the post but not good
enough as we half rosed as one but to no avale as it flashed and
curled wide off the target and but england kept it going but it was
albania they were hard and england were going awag from all angles but
it did not nothing happened and then my mum said lets stick a touch of
frost on and I say no and Carl argues aswell we do not want to watch
touch of frost it is silly but we turn over and he is doing things to
old army men but he has gone really gray but then turn it over again
and just I mean we did to see if half time had arrived and then
suddenly it was there beckham special pointy boots no hair long bogie
like ball over the top of the whole of albania but then it was OWEN
bang spin turn looking the right way special placement goal explosion
in to the net shades of BROOKER but it was OWEN like he was BROOKER
but this it was I mean not to confuse it because it was truly OWEN not
BROOKER and it was england 1 up
Half time we once again had crisps and turned on the lamp it is now
autumn dark nights carl said but the game was there no more touch of
frost but sommersby on channel 2 richard gear on a horse who my mum
says is attratctive but I say no it is england richard gear is not
going live at the moment we are going to watch england not Gear or
touch of frost it is england and we take the remote off her and carl
sits on it to stop her turning over again and we are back on channel 1
but it is albania dangerous and seaman has to save and it is england
struggling what is going on and they keep coming close 70 minutes like
nayim shot from inside if the half was split in half and had a middle
half way line inside a half it would have been a shot from the half
way line but no I mean he shot from half way inside the half cross
type shot seaman amazing hair rose as one and tipped over but then
late on owen header just saved and beckham BROOKER type power shot
like the ldv final turned away but then the final minute 90 minutes
and all is hanging on and close but then it was fowler nug megs one
then he nut megs another it is fowler he is going totally awag in the
penalty area albania do not now what to make of him then bang boom
placement chip goal in the net and england explodes and it we turn
over and richard gear and touch of frost both going totally awag on
horsews in police stations rising as one on the telivision and it is 2
goals in front now albania have none and england are one match away
from world cup finals in japan but not with out a fight and we had
some more crisps to celebrate and then turned over to watch the end of
touch of frost he had a gun pointed at him but then I went upstairs to
wash my head so what happened I do not now but he is on next week so
he never dies
England players how they did score
Seaman 8~ clever he was with his hair a bit to long though but it is
tied back and like a it is like a lady with a mustash but big hands
and old but very dependanent in goals now he is 40 and kept england in
the game with good saves late on.
Neville 7~ not the greatest full back forward defensive player in the
world I admit but is solid not the best tonight does some things wrong
and went awag in a bad manner late on with bad passes but can do
better
Cole 7~ clever player a bit like dean stokes was for vale good going
forward he was but late on went daft in the head with bad pass
movement and let albanians get behind him could of cost the game
against some one like brazil if albania were brazil but they are not
but if it was that they were then we would have had problems
Ferdinand 7~ still needs to come on more a bit he does not shout
either england need a admas or a mark wright shouter at the back
ferdinand is good but he is I mean also raw still but getting better
can do fancy things with balls but needs to be better at easy things
and stop pretending he is a bogie play maker
Campball 7~ is the best defender in the central but is quiet needs to
be loud shades of dean glover at times tonight and is also a carming
influence at the back like Aspin
Gerrard 6~ getting better and young and not grown yet he has a
skeleton inside of him which causes him bad problems but will get
better made some good passes but bad passed as well at times
Beckham 8~ did it all and ran around and is now the best player
england have but he is amazing and can cross shoot run and make things
happen like a cross between ainsworth brammer and matthews should of
scored the man of the match along with seaman
Scholes 6~ I mean he did work hard but not at his most best but hard
working and a good example to all people with ginger hair who have not
let it get in there way of making a name for themselfes I it was vale
where scholes made his debut and I new he was special and he will be
big and bigger one day
Barmby 6~ he is like a player who goes there but will not be the main
one maybe I do not now he is not a guppy but still does well left
sided getting on a bit now but nows liverpool well does somethings
good and other things well but a good player needs to work on
placement headers
Owen 7~ did well but went poor late on but always a threat and is more
likely than most to make awags happen for england but scored and we
should not complain if only he had BROOKER body strength as well he
would be better than ronaldo
Heskey 6~ it was he is the black martin foyle with power I have said
before but some games he does better than others but other times he
can be missing and make bad mistakes I can not make him out
The subs that did come on
Macamanaman 4~ he was awful making some clanging awags on the pitch
like an expensive alex smith what was he doing he has it but he can be
bad and awful some times his hair may look amzing when it blows in the
wind but he lacks the composare of a guppy
Carragher 6~ did not a lot but came on late on he is liverpools
carragher not vales carragher I mean I should point out
Fowler 7~ not much he had a downward drill powered header but not
enough to beat the keeper but did do it for his country late on and
deserves credit for it doing it