Panic Stations!!!!

[Trouserdog]

We always do it don't we?

It'd be lovely just to sit through a second half, knowing we were going to win, rather than having to watch us throwing various body parts in front of the ball in a desperate attempt to prevent an equaliser that was so unlikely all of twenty minutes ago.

At 3-0 up, and playing well against a Southampton team who looked bereft of confidence, even the most pressimistic Stokie could only envisage at worst, a late consolation goal and a leisurely cruise to a 3-1 win.

However, the team seemed to have swapped the traditional half time orange for pints of horlicks, washed down with diazepan chasers. The defence simply stood around, picking their arses and yawning as Stern John, or Collins John, or whichever fucking John it was, turned and smashed Southampton's first goal into the top corner.

If that got the defence in a flap, what followed the second goal was quite simply the most shambolic period of defending I have ever seen from a Stoke team.

Just imagine a house full of gazelles having a new years eve party. They're all sitting round in a civilized manner, probably discussing the arts and drinking wine, in that effette middle-class gazelle manner. Anyway, at about eleven the doorbell goes, and the host gazelle goes to answer it, fully expecting it to be some other gazelle friend or relative, carrying a bottle of chardonay. However, it isn't...stood at the door are four pissed up lions, carrying several 4-packs of Carling, and within the blink of an eye they've burst their way into the house and are rampaging around trying to tear the panicking gazelles into little pieces.

Well, the chaos of that scene wouldn't even come close to what our defence looked like after Collins/Stern had rammed home his second goal. We had Ryan Shawcross, an international £2million defender, performing air shots like some kind of special needs child playing on a slippery yard, Leon Cort and Danny Pugh running around like headless farmyard creatures, and Simmo just flapping about like it wa ssomething to do to pass the time.

For about twenty minutes i was shitting myself, and started to think of the carnage that would result if a really good team set about our defence. Lions vs Gazelles?...it would be more like rabid T-Rex's versus day-old lambs.

However, to the team's credit they regained a degree of composure, and all in all it's still a damn good 3 points. However, games like this just go to show the importance of having that leader-figure at the heart of the defence...the big hairy arsed bastard who makes sure everyones too scared of him NOT to be in the right position, and who can allieviate pressure with one great "'ave it" style clearance.

Maybe Shawcross will grow into this sort of character, who knows, but if we do get to where we want to be (and overall I think we are good enough) then this would be one of the first things to address.

Anyway, sorry to have rambled on a bit...well done Stoke, even if I do now need to change my pants.

[Olgrligm]

;D Agree with all of that, have some karma.

[Trouserdog]

Why thank you. That'll make up for at least one of the times that soicowboy has smited me.

[ruts66]

"some kind of special needs child playing on a slippery yard"

One of the greatest footballing analogies I've ever heard, thank you TD... ;D

[garyhackett]

completely agree

in my mind the 1.2 million we paid for Cort is a sheer waste of money, we needed a leader to partner shawcross and he will never be a leader, yes he can score goals yes he can head the ball but he is schit on the deck and has absolutely no leadership skills or presence about him

we need an Overson, Taggart, Higgy or pre-injury Hill type player in the team instead

[Deleted]

Trouserdog simply triffic dude....That is some analogy. Exhalted

[Trouserdog]

I think at this level the guaranteed success of the Delap long throw/Cort header/Goal! routine outweighs the dodgy nature of Cort's defending, but in the Premiership the poor guy would simply get murdered.

Still be useful to bring off the bench though for when we're lumping balls into the box in the last minute though!

[trout-licker]

;D Very good

[Godo]

I'm not knocking the lad because I think he's a terrific prospect but to achieve his potential he does need to be helped along the way. After the air shot etc Ryan needed someone to tell him to keep it very simple for the next 10 minutes and to just shift the ball and gain some composure. Instead he tried to make up for his mistake by doing too much but simply ended up giving corners away etc I also thought at that stage that a Vinny Overson would have done a lot more to get Ryan through it and despite everything we do still look very quiet on the park and lacking in leaders. But the lads make up for it with individual character and commitment but we could do with a steadying influence as the tension rises towards the end of the season.