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Post by musik on Jun 30, 2024 15:00:47 GMT
It was one of those days (and I hadn't even played The Eagles) when I met my mate I've known for 52 years. We talked about things going on as usual, when he dropped the bomb:
"Do you know what, mate?" he said.
"No, I don't mate" I said pretty sure I didnt.
"I've changed my toilet habits", he said.
"Oh, really, you mean you only shit at home?"
"No" he said.
"You use those hard one layer toilet papers?
"Are you nuts! Are there any other kind for me to use?" he said looking at me a bit angry.
"You have bought a shelf for some books to read during the adventure, like the one I have."
"No", he said more calm now, "but it's actually a good idea".
"You have installed a radio or even a tv in the bathroom?"
"No, I have problems doing two things at the same time. You should know that by now!" he said a bit surprised.
"You have scheduled the toilet times within the family?"
He paused.
After what seemed to be ten seconds, but probably was twenty, since times always flies when you're having a good time, he answered:
"Can you do that?!? Has actually someone done that??"
"Well I .. I don't really know, maybe some disturbed fucker I don't know ..."
"I have started to stand up while I'm in there!" he said proudly.
"Ah, you mean you stand up for the pissing part?"
"I'm no fucking pussy. I'm disappointed in you!" he answered and then paused. "Well ... you're right, I do, but not only for that" he continued and took a glance at me.
"You mean you masturbate in there as well?"
"No, I don't, well I do ... sometimes, no I don't. What's the matter with you?" It seemed he wanted to jump up and down by now.
"What?!? You don't mean, do you?"
"Yes. I do. I have taken the stand up part further. If they want me standing, they got it!" A satisfying look on his face.
"Hmm. But as far as I know and you said it again not long ago, you have trouble doing two things at the same time, and you know ... sometimes ... two things come at the same time. How do you manage to ..."
"Practice man, practice. I started at home. You know I've always had that thing against public toilets. Some pussies would even call it a phobia", he said, "they call every preference a phobia these days."
"Yeah I know, I know."
"But now I even go to the toilet at work!"
For public toilets it should be awesome. Far more hygienic. No contact with the seat whatsoever. In theory.
And I wonder how many are doing this? At the library sometimes I reckon a lot.
But my long time mate convinced me after one attempt at home: it's too difficult doing two things simultaneously.
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Post by vamborools on Jun 30, 2024 15:16:20 GMT
That's got to be the weirdest post ever on the Oatcake, kudos to you Musik
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Post by frasier37 on Jun 30, 2024 15:36:29 GMT
About half four
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Post by marylandstoke on Jun 30, 2024 16:55:07 GMT
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Post by musik on Jun 30, 2024 17:01:11 GMT
He means the hit picture. |
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Post by FbrgVaStkFan on Jul 1, 2024 0:40:19 GMT
This won't end well up there in Scandinavia.
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Post by wannabee on Jul 1, 2024 2:16:51 GMT
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Post by Mr_DaftBurger on Jul 1, 2024 7:04:43 GMT
My nephew once did one lying down on his belly, naked, in the living room. He was about 9 months old, he's now nearly 40 but that image never leaves you! 😳
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Jul 1, 2024 19:16:37 GMT
I’ve seen someone take a stand up shit “through” a mesh fence before. Like a burst fire hydrant but brown
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Post by mtrstudent on Jul 4, 2024 21:14:34 GMT
I’ve seen someone take a stand up shit “through” a mesh fence before. Like a burst fire hydrant but brown Newcastle? I think I saw that. |
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Jul 4, 2024 21:19:11 GMT
I’ve seen someone take a stand up shit “through” a mesh fence before. Like a burst fire hydrant but brown Newcastle? I think I saw that. It was in Geneva funnily enough |
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Post by metalhead on Jul 5, 2024 6:50:12 GMT
Is this an Alan Bennett monologue?
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Post by musik on Jul 5, 2024 11:02:25 GMT
Is this an Alan Bennett monologue? I'm not familiar with that chap at all. No, it's just me telling what happened when I last time met my long time mate. 🤠 |
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