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Post by powchirper on Jun 23, 2008 16:42:55 GMT
As some of the regular users of this board will know i got a speeding ticket off the North Wales constabulary last week, 35 mph in a 30 zone, £60 fine and 3 pts, Anyway me and the g/f went to Wales again last week end and while we were dawdling along at 30 we were talking about what we should of wrote to the Chief Constable as an excuse for not seeing the 30 sign, The best we came up with was;.......Sorry for not seeing your crummy little 30 sign but i was that smacked off me tits i could barely see the road never mind read the sign posts,...... Any more funny excuses are welcome and the best/funniest will get 3pts on his licence and 1 karma point.  |
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Post by muckakev on Jun 23, 2008 16:47:27 GMT
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Post by Cityfullergoals on Jun 23, 2008 16:52:12 GMT
Sorry officer - I lost concentration when I passed a field back there and saw Dave Jones and a sheep
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Post by BoothenBooBoo on Jun 23, 2008 17:00:52 GMT
Well on a serious note Chirpers you can contest it all they way and request for a Calibration Certificate of the camera to prove that the Camera is upto date with its servicing.
It has worked in the past.
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Post by SegaMegaDave on Jun 23, 2008 17:24:22 GMT
I'll be honest with you officer from the start.
You may or may not be aware that I was recently involved in foiling an elevator bomb plot in a hotel in Aberystwith. For my heroics myself and my crimefighting partner were both awarded medals of bravery.
Unfortuantly the terrorist, a suspected former member of your constabulary denied proper disabilty benefits escaped to plan his revenge.
The said revenge came as myself and my girlfriend (Sandra Bullock) were taking a leisurley drive in a wonderfully picturesque part of North Wales. I took a call on my mobile phone and was informed by the terrorist that my car was infact rigged with a speed sensitive bomb and if i was to drop my speed below 35mph the bomb would detonate killing all 38 passengers in my car.
As you can imagine a fast paced, suspense filled adventure began as I was forced to take drastic but nessasary measures to protect the lives of my girlfeind and the other 38 passengers of my Vauxhall Nova, this adventure culminated in the rescue of the passengers on the runway of Cardiff International Airport and the apprenhension and detention of the bomber.
Perhaps in light of these extenuating circumstances and the apparent complete failiure of the North Wales Police force in their search for the bomber prior to the event you may reconsider the outstanding speeding fine against my licence.
I await your response.
Yours sincerley
Chirper
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Post by Arthurdollar on Jun 23, 2008 17:26:53 GMT
I was trying to run one of you pigs off the road at the time.........Is that against the law in this inbred land of sheep-shagging men and ugly women.
That should do the trick boyo
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Post by st0kecity on Jun 23, 2008 19:10:00 GMT
I was rushing to the nearby mountains to dispose of the body in my boot. It was starting to decompose somewhat and didnt smell especially pleasant.
Sincerely
Chirpers
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Post by powchirper on Jun 23, 2008 21:49:45 GMT
These are all good, i should post them to the NWC, These fuckers care more about catching a speeding driver than doing real police work, twats.
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Post by Cityfullergoals on Jun 23, 2008 21:51:37 GMT
Take it Segamegadave has won hands down?
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Post by powchirper on Jun 23, 2008 22:17:08 GMT
Muckakev will get the K as i did have a chuckle at that, sega,s is very good too though so i might give all of em some K tomorrow.
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Post by DansViews on Jun 23, 2008 22:26:34 GMT
I was trying to keep a safe distance between myself and the car behind me.
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Post by vote for pedro on Jun 23, 2008 22:35:07 GMT
how about this
Dear officer wanky sheepfiddlingsistershaggingtwat.
Please find enclosed a cheque for £60 for the privilege of my trying to get out of your shite country as fast as i could.
Your policy of rewarding the english drivers of 3 points everytime they are forced to try to escape is a fantastic way of keeping us returning to witness incest and beastiality in every village
Thanks again
Chirper
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Post by ricksastokie on Jun 23, 2008 23:59:02 GMT
Dear Mr Chief Constable
I would like to take you up on your most kind offer of 3 points for £60. In fact I wondered whether I could purchase some more and request that you send them to the English Premier League and ask them to assign then to Stoke City Football Club for the forthcoming 2008-2009 season.
yours sincerely
Mr Chirper
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Post by SegaMegaDave on Jun 24, 2008 8:46:27 GMT
I'll be honest with you officer from the start. You may or may not be aware that I was recently involved in foiling an elevator bomb plot in a hotel in Aberystwith. For my heroics myself and my crimefighting partner were both awarded medals of bravery. Unfortuantly the terrorist, a suspected former member of your constabulary denied proper disabilty benefits escaped to plan his revenge. The said revenge came as myself and my girlfriend (Sandra Bullock) were taking a leisurley drive in a wonderfully picturesque part of North Wales. I took a call on my mobile phone and was informed by the terrorist that my car was infact rigged with a speed sensitive bomb and if i was to drop my speed below 35mph the bomb would detonate killing all 38 passengers in my car. As you can imagine a fast paced, suspense filled adventure began as I was forced to take drastic but nessasary measures to protect the lives of my girlfeind and the other 38 passengers of my Vauxhall Nova, this adventure culminated in the rescue of the passengers on the runway of Cardiff International Airport and the apprenhension and detention of the bomber. Perhaps in light of these extenuating circumstances and the apparent complete failiure of the North Wales Police force in their search for the bomber prior to the event you may reconsider the outstanding speeding fine against my licence. I await your response. Yours sincerley Chirper PS cancel my ticket right now or I will be forced to make a dodgy sequel involving a boat and Honnay from Shortland Street |
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Post by muckakev on Jun 24, 2008 15:47:40 GMT
Tks chirpers, have a K back mate,
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2008 16:04:02 GMT
Dear Sirs, Please find enclosed a cheque for £60 in relation to my speeding conviction. For clarity I attach a photo of myself just so you can be sure it was me:  |
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Post by vestanpance on Jun 25, 2008 13:11:05 GMT
Dear Mr Welshman,
As you seem to be aware, recently one of your spped cameras inadvertantly flashed my vehicle as i was desperately searching for a way out of your country. I have subsequently received your request for me to pay £60 but it is my duty to inform you that as an Englishman, i do not recognise the authority by which you are trying to prosecute me, and as such have no intention of paying.
Any further instruction you make for payment will only get me more angry, and may result in me and some of my mates declaring war on Wales. This is a war you simply cannot win. Once the rest of England hears that you get to punch Welshman we will crush you like insects. This is not a road i wish to pursue as i am ostensibly a pacifist, but by your deeds sir you have stirred the patriot in me, and any further action on your part will result in a swift and merciless retribution.
Best Wishes,
Chirper.
p.s. - I trod in some Dog Shit in BedGellert, do you want it back? The advert says you like to keep your mud so i thought i'd better check.
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