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Post by armitagestokie on May 23, 2008 16:42:04 GMT
The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons?
A. Salt,pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink?
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed?
A.The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q.What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O and U
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'?
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor
Q.What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand
its meaning?
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A.Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head ;D
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Post by supersmashinggreat on May 23, 2008 17:17:36 GMT
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes? A. Premature death  Q. How can you delay milk turning sour? A. Keep it in the cow ;D Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight ;D ;D |
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davemong
Youth Player
Premeirship!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 266
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Post by davemong on May 23, 2008 19:12:30 GMT
Fuckin brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Hiram on May 23, 2008 19:42:31 GMT
some funny one liners though obviously not from "last year's GCSE exam in Swindon, Wiltshire" or anywhere ever.
. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand
its meaning?
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face
come on - 16 year olds weren't even born when that advert was on TV
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Post by LH_SCFC on May 23, 2008 21:26:37 GMT
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Post by LH_SCFC on May 23, 2008 21:27:08 GMT
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Post by Olgrligm on May 23, 2008 22:00:53 GMT
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Post by Tubes on May 23, 2008 22:21:38 GMT
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Post by robin1302 on May 24, 2008 0:52:03 GMT
;D ;D ;D
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Post by smigchop on May 24, 2008 10:20:01 GMT
we had a whole fucking assembly on these the other day. wtf.
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Post by stokeylad on May 24, 2008 11:33:23 GMT
those picture ones are awesome
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Post by edinburghstokie on May 24, 2008 12:13:57 GMT
the picture ones are probably true, but from a mock sitting or something. Those original ones are the biggest bull I have ever seen. What sort of exam has questions (individual) like those?
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davemong
Youth Player
Premeirship!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 266
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Post by davemong on May 24, 2008 12:44:30 GMT
I like this one;  |
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Post by Miniman on May 24, 2008 13:50:45 GMT
5cm due to pythagoras's law which states that the two shorter sides times by themselves and added together will equal the sum of the hypotenuse size multiplyed by itself. just had to answer it! sorry but that one made me laugh! |
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Post by BiddulphStokie on May 24, 2008 20:51:27 GMT
we had a whole fucking assembly on these the other day. wtf. and uss |
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