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Post by Rick Oshea on May 19, 2008 12:36:24 GMT
as pointed out on my other post classic jokes are always the best
think of the best ones you can remember
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2008 12:38:38 GMT
Michael Barrymore was asked if he'll be doing panto this year. He said he doesn't think so as he did Aladdin 6 years ago and hasn't heard the last of it.
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Post by Premiership Titanic Captain on May 19, 2008 12:41:50 GMT
An English man, a Scottish man and an Irish man all entered a 26 mile long swimming race. After 12 miles the Scottish man gets tired and drops out. Then after 16 miles the English man gets tired and drops out. After 25 miles the Irish man decides he can't finish the race, so he turns around and swims back to the start.
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Chopper
Academy Starlet
"Fack Neville Bartos"
Posts: 111
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Post by Chopper on May 19, 2008 14:33:10 GMT
A man staying at the Ritz hotel in London removes a card offering sexual services from a phone box.
Back at the hotel he rings the number...
A lady with a silky soft voice answers and asks if she can be of any assistance.
The man says, "I'd like a blow job, some mild bondage, finishing off with a soapy tit wank. Is that ok?"
The lady says, "It sounds interesting sir, but you might like to dial 9 for an outside line first."
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Post by tnbiscuitswithtone on May 19, 2008 14:42:59 GMT
one thing you never say in a gay bar,
'' can push your stool in for you ? ''
not that i've ever been into to a gay bar, honest !
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Post by ben88 on May 19, 2008 14:59:25 GMT
why was six scared?
because seven ate nine
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Post by Rick Oshea on May 19, 2008 15:04:05 GMT
knock knock
who's there?
dunnop
dunnop who?
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Post by brayo82 on May 19, 2008 15:06:58 GMT
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.”
The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it
starts.”
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.
He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.”
The wife is furious. She yells at him,
“Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore . . .”
The man sighs and says, “It’s started.”
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Post by LL Cool Dave on May 19, 2008 19:45:45 GMT
what do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
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Post by Bojan Mackey on May 19, 2008 19:55:18 GMT
I once had a large gay following
But i ducked into an alleyway and lost him
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Post by salopstick on May 19, 2008 19:57:05 GMT
polar bear walks into a bar
"can i have a vodka and
coke please"
barman" why the big paws"
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Post by Cityfullergoals on May 19, 2008 20:14:39 GMT
White horse walks into a pub
Barman says, hey did you know weve got a whisky named after you
Horse says: What Eric
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Post by craig67 on May 19, 2008 20:15:39 GMT
Doctor,doctor.My dog's got no nose?
How does he smell?
Terrible!
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Post by Pretty Little Boother on May 19, 2008 20:21:44 GMT
White horse walks into a pub
Barman says, hey did you know weve got a whisky named after you
Horse says: What Eric Dammit! I was reading down getting all excited cause no-one had said it yet, with it being one of my favourite drinks, so I put my typing hat on and find that the second post from bottom had beaten me to it!  Two sausages frying away in a pan. One turns round and says to the other "Fuck me, it's a bit hot in here, innit?" The other jumps around with a terrified look on its face and shouts "OH MY GOD, A TALKING SAUSAGE!" |
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Post by Cityfullergoals on May 19, 2008 20:24:54 GMT
Boother
Have a karma mate for good taste in scotch
Just sampling a Glenmorangie mesen actually
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Post by R.I.P Fullers Nan on May 19, 2008 20:55:24 GMT
An English man, a Scottish man and an Irish man all entered a 26 mile long swimming race. After 12 miles the Scottish man gets tired and drops out. Then after 16 miles the English man gets tired and drops out. After 25 miles the Irish man decides he can't finish the race, so he turns around and swims back to the start. Decent! |
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Post by Staffsoatcake on May 19, 2008 21:03:25 GMT
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she did'nt have her seat belt on.  |
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Post by pricey21 on May 20, 2008 19:23:25 GMT
Whats got 2 legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog  |
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Post by BoothenBooBoo on May 20, 2008 19:45:42 GMT
Man driving down the road. Woman driving up the same road.
The pass each other.
Man shouts out of window "COW" woman yells back "KNOBHEAD"
Woman drives around the corner, crashes into huge cow and dies.
If only women would f*cking listen.
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Post by BoothenBooBoo on May 20, 2008 19:48:29 GMT
A man ended up in hospital today, with a toy horse lodged in his arse.
The doctor has described his condition as stable!!!
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Post by Miniman on May 20, 2008 19:56:08 GMT
Why did the boy fall off a swing?
Because he had no arms.
(Anyone watch 'Dom Joly's Complainers', because this is where i heard it from. He asked a man on the street who was dead dodgy looking, what's your favourite joke?)
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Post by trout-licker on May 21, 2008 0:21:30 GMT
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Post by scfc147 on May 21, 2008 9:36:03 GMT
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A Cloud!
What do you call a spider with no legs?
A Sultana!
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Post by foals on May 21, 2008 10:45:50 GMT
whats better than winning the paralympics?
having legs.
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sheffieldstokie82
Youth Player
Watching games at night in NZ really changes the way you think about things.
Posts: 370
Location: Wellington, NZ
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Post by sheffieldstokie82 on May 21, 2008 11:18:47 GMT
Why can't stevie wonder read or write?
Cos he's black
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Post by wardrobe monster on May 21, 2008 12:34:25 GMT
News Report..........A man has just fallen into the sofa making machine at the DFS factory. A hospital spokesman has described him as "comfortable".
News Update......The hospital has said the man who fell into the sofa making machine is now "fully re-covered".
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Post by craig67 on May 21, 2008 12:51:45 GMT
Boom boom! ;D
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Post by LL Cool Dave on May 21, 2008 22:17:11 GMT
Whats got 8 legs and a big black cunt?
The A Team.
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