Women Gym Members..worth a look

[broadwayroundabout]

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong
with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a
regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of
personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football
cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead
and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer
named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor
and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for
me. She is something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes
and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me
the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted
her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was
encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching
from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a
FANTASTIC week!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air
then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill,
but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.
I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia
in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or
stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered
other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and
when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My
chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster.
Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered
obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy
life. She said some other shit too.

THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a
half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking,
I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any
other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic,
anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move
without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And
if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells
or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off
and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
choir director?

SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly
voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want
to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to
even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go
and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my
daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun --
like a root canal or a hysterectomy.
I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled
the floor with diamonds!!!

[ben88]

[ben88]

i didnt laugh though

[broadwayroundabout]

you get your money back then Ben...its in your pm box :-)

[mermaidsal]

Sounds about like spinal unit rehab! I got to love everyone in the end but I wanted to kill them at least twice a week on the way... I found arm muscles I never knew existed though...