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Post by OldStokie on Dec 4, 2014 12:17:59 GMT
Was speaking to the doddery old fart last night. He's living in a *disabled bungalow* near Hull, in a small village where he runs almost everything from the bingo night to council meetings. He also produces the village rag, and writes for the Local History Society. He's in reet good form.  All his family, including his precious 7yo grandson - who, unfortunately, has the same debilitating illness as Tel - are around him, and he's as happy as a pig in muck. The council have just put in a 100 yard ramp to his bungalow. I asked him if it's a straight run. He said it goes around corners and they're going to paint it yellow.  In his back garden is a massive gazebo and a garden table that seats twelve. He says he has that for unexpected guests. They've just fitted him a wet-room bathroom, so he now dances while he sings in the bath. There are rails all around it, he says, which he uses to stop him falling flat on his arse.  He drinks in the local club, which is right next door to him, and also gets a bottle of Pinot Grigio down him a day. He says there are 27 versions of that brew; he's three-parts through tasting them all, but it might be a while before he completes the full monty because some are really expensive. He says if anybody wants to buy him anything for Xmas, expensive Pinot Grigio will do fine. (I think he may be turning in to a wino, which is far less lethal than that half-bottle of rum a day he used to drink.) He's just taken delivery of 72 Wrights Meat and Tater pies. Also, he has six dozen oatcakes delivered every month from an oatcake shop in High Lane. I think that's about it. Oh, he did say that he hasn't had his Sky cable cut for a while...  and he doesn't use the board now because he's afraid of Pit Bulls.  I'll pass any messages along, but I would warn you not to contact him by telephone. Although I never stopped laughing while I was chatting to him... two hours of Tel is only for the bravest of hearts.  OS. |
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Post by ParaPsych on Dec 4, 2014 13:01:06 GMT
Hello from me
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Post by NorwichStokie on Dec 4, 2014 13:09:18 GMT
And me! Glad the old git is doing well. |
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Post by Robo10 on Dec 4, 2014 13:21:13 GMT
Oatcake Occassionals....Tel always used to somehow get the strongest side....
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Post by MrFlirty on Dec 4, 2014 13:24:24 GMT
Ah just brought back great memories of those original occasionals games and the banter between players and managers
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Post by AlbertTatlock on Dec 4, 2014 13:26:20 GMT
Say owrate to the old fart. Gouranga.  |
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Post by Lakeland Potter on Dec 4, 2014 13:26:42 GMT
Was speaking to the doddery old fart last night. He's living in a *disabled bungalow* near Hull, in a small village where he runs almost everything from the bingo night to council meetings. He also produces the village rag, and writes for the Local History Society. He's in reet good form. All his family, including his precious 7yo grandson - who, unfortunately, has the same debilitating illness as Tel - are around him, and he's as happy as a pig in muck. The council have just put in a 100 yard ramp to his bungalow. I asked him if it's a straight run. He said it goes around corners and they're going to paint it yellow. In his back garden is a massive gazebo and a garden table that seats twelve. He says he has that for unexpected guests. They've just fitted him a wet-room bathroom, so he now dances while he sings in the bath. There are rails all around it, he says, which he uses to stop him falling flat on his arse. He drinks in the local club, which is right next door to him, and also gets a bottle of Pinot Grigio down him a day. He says there are 27 versions of that brew; he's three-parts through tasting them all, but it might be a while before he completes the full monty because some are really expensive. He says if anybody wants to buy him anything for Xmas, expensive Pinot Grigio will do fine. (I think he may be turning in to a wino, which is far less lethal than that half-bottle of rum a day he used to drink.) He's just taken delivery of 72 Wrights Meat and Tater pies. Also, he has six dozen oatcakes delivered every month from an oatcake shop in High Lane. I think that's about it. Oh, he did say that he hasn't had his Sky cable cut for a while... and he doesn't use the board now because he's afraid of Pit Bulls. I'll pass any messages along, but I would warn you not to contact him by telephone. Although I never stopped laughing while I was chatting to him... two hours of Tel is only for the bravest of hearts. OS. Cheers for that Mick. Exactly what disability does the bungalow have - rotting foundations - a broken chimney - rising damp? I think we should be told. Anyway, despite the problems with his accommodation, I'm glad Tel is doing well. If he needs his Sky cable cutting, I have a friend living in Brough near Hull and she will probably nip round and cut it for him - he only has to beg me to give her a ring. Years ago he refused to let me adopt Harold so I could get into the Brit for free as his carer, I don't mind telling you it hurt me badly. But time is a great healer and I have forgiven him now. |
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Post by jimmygscfc on Dec 4, 2014 13:44:34 GMT
A salute from me too Mick. I still remember the night we both stayed at yours after an 'OBPU evening'. Me tucked under a Thomas the Tank duvet and Tel snoring so loud next door that I could hear him through the wall. He's missed on here.
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Post by jezzascfc on Dec 4, 2014 13:54:20 GMT
I see him pop up on Facebook occasionally, so the ole bugger still has t'internet. Coax him back on here with the promise of some jammy dodgers!! Give him my regards too.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2014 14:09:51 GMT
Zzzzzzzz i nodded off
GD
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Post by keasie1863 on Dec 4, 2014 14:12:41 GMT
Tell him,he still owes me,for all those taxi fares,to and from hanford.mind you,it was worth it watching him try to run off
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Post by surreystokie on Dec 4, 2014 14:13:36 GMT
Great to hear about Tel, OS, and thanks. What I want to know is why did he not attend our match, there, in August and why were we not told that he was there, if indeed he was, at that time, so that we could have hired transport to go out to see him? Most importantly, there would have been at least one of our number who could have pushed his wheelchair in a straight line.  Good Luck, Tel. |
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Post by elystokie on Dec 4, 2014 14:33:15 GMT
A salute from me too Mick. I still remember the night we both stayed at yours after an 'OBPU evening'. Me tucked under a Thomas the Tank duvet and Tel snoring so loud next door that I could hear him through the wall. He's missed on here. He stayed at ours in Pompey a couple of times, thought I'd be safe from the snoring with him downstairs and me up, alas that wasn't the case Say hi from me too please Mick. |
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Post by mcf on Dec 4, 2014 15:17:58 GMT
Was speaking to the doddery old fart last night. He's living in a *disabled bungalow* near Hull, in a small village where he runs almost everything from the bingo night to council meetings. He also produces the village rag, and writes for the Local History Society. He's in reet good form. All his family, including his precious 7yo grandson - who, unfortunately, has the same debilitating illness as Tel - are around him, and he's as happy as a pig in muck. The council have just put in a 100 yard ramp to his bungalow. I asked him if it's a straight run. He said it goes around corners and they're going to paint it yellow. In his back garden is a massive gazebo and a garden table that seats twelve. He says he has that for unexpected guests. They've just fitted him a wet-room bathroom, so he now dances while he sings in the bath. There are rails all around it, he says, which he uses to stop him falling flat on his arse. He drinks in the local club, which is right next door to him, and also gets a bottle of Pinot Grigio down him a day. He says there are 27 versions of that brew; he's three-parts through tasting them all, but it might be a while before he completes the full monty because some are really expensive. He says if anybody wants to buy him anything for Xmas, expensive Pinot Grigio will do fine. (I think he may be turning in to a wino, which is far less lethal than that half-bottle of rum a day he used to drink.) He's just taken delivery of 72 Wrights Meat and Tater pies. Also, he has six dozen oatcakes delivered every month from an oatcake shop in High Lane. I think that's about it. Oh, he did say that he hasn't had his Sky cable cut for a while... and he doesn't use the board now because he's afraid of Pit Bulls. I'll pass any messages along, but I would warn you not to contact him by telephone. Although I never stopped laughing while I was chatting to him... two hours of Tel is only for the bravest of hearts. OS. What a fucking relief you wrote all that bollocks...i thought you were going to say he had snuffed it. Hello Tel and I'm chuffed your not dead yet......pass that on OS. PS can't be long for either of you mind  |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2014 15:36:20 GMT
Pillsbury,
its gods olds waiting room on this thread !
GD
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Post by leicspotter on Dec 4, 2014 16:55:03 GMT
Good to hear he is still around...used to enjoy (some of) his contributions Sorry to hear that his grandson is not so 'grand' |
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Post by MarkWolstanton on Dec 4, 2014 19:07:42 GMT
With respect, has the old twat got his dial up connection working yet? ????
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Post by OldStokie on Dec 4, 2014 22:55:09 GMT
I will pass on all your best wishes and desires to be at his funeral. But I suspect old Tel and me will outlive some of you fuckers. My three favourite stand-out from dozens of memories of Tel. You can add your own as you wish. 1) At that piss-up in fenton. He was standing by me and Merk and Mark Wooly when he suddenly did a 'Delboy' and went over backwards to land flat on his back. The thump as he hit the floor was so loud and hard that it shook the foundations. We all looked at each other, thinking he'd died. Then Tel got up with a big grin on his face. We asked if he was alright. He said he was and carried on drinking as if nothing had happened. We all looked at each other in amazement that anybody could have survived that fall. 2) An OBPU at O'Leary's. Whenever we had an OBPU there, the manager would always send out bowls of chips and curry dips about ten o'clock. Anyway, out came six bowls of curry dips, which were placed on each table. Half an hour later... no chips. So Tel (who is an out and out pig when it comes to free snappin') decided there would be no chips, and after having gathered up the bowls of curry dips, using just his fingers, ate the contents of all the bowls. Just as he lifted up his (free) 23rd rum and black, the chips came. Everybody asked where the curry dips were. Tel sat there burping with a big grin on his face while he was called every bastard under the sun. 3) At 'Arold's 80th b'day party. Tel had 'organised' everything. (I was sitting with our Tone, Dan, and Adam.) He'd got a couple to run one of those horse racing nights on a big screen. After an hour of faffing about, it wouldn't work. Tel was almost in tears that he'd let everyone down. Anyway, it was decided to turn it into a bingo night. So out comes the bingo stuff and we all queued up to buy tickets. The bloke who was running it was the same bloke who was supposed to do the horse racing. The bingo game began. Halfway through somebody shouted, "We've already had that number!" The bloke said he was sorry and carried on. Another two calls later, somebody else shouted up, "We've already had that number!" And it went downbank from there until everybody was laughing their balls off. So we had to give that up as well. Tel was really upset. He came across to our table where all four of us were crying with laughter, and looking really sheepish, said, "I feel I've let everybody down." Our Tone said to him, "You haven't let anybody down, Tel. I've never had such a good night. I haven't laughed so much for years." Tel's face lit up, and he said, "At least the pie and peas were good." OS. |
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Post by Davef on Dec 5, 2014 12:40:28 GMT
One of my best memories of Tel was when Paul Spencer first met him at O'Leary's. The two of them had been going at it hammer and tongues on the message board (I'm not even sure what it was about, possibly the Fans Forum, maybe Gudjon, I can't remember). Anyway, as you do, Paul got this idea into his head of the type of bloke Tel was based on his internet persona and was prepared for things to get a bit more heated when they actually met in the flesh for the first time. The look on Paul's face when he walked in and saw Tel sat at the table was absolutely priceless. |
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Post by greyman on Dec 5, 2014 12:55:41 GMT
Who?
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Post by jugger on Dec 5, 2014 12:59:20 GMT
I believe he used to post under the username Telford Dave ;-) J8-) |
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Post by RAF on Dec 5, 2014 12:59:33 GMT
That's the scag come down for you, you cunter! I see Tel on Facebook quite often and thats enough of his bollocks without bringing it back here! Doddering old twat! :) H |
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Post by sheikhmomo on Dec 5, 2014 13:01:30 GMT
Grown men on facebook. Friggin Ada.
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Post by MarkWolstanton on Dec 5, 2014 13:26:23 GMT
Grown men on facebook. Friggin Ada. I heard you had "liked" the Dender Bender Group page?  |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2014 13:37:02 GMT
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Post by sheikhmomo on Dec 5, 2014 13:58:59 GMT
Grown men on facebook. Friggin Ada. I heard you had "liked" the Dender Bender Group page? I was fully aware that grown men used it to meet up with other grown men in far off laybys to exchange fluids |
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Post by sheikhmomo on Dec 5, 2014 14:01:11 GMT
If that's a cunning ruse to get me to sign up so you can groom me, then hard lines bum boy |
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Post by greyman on Dec 5, 2014 14:23:07 GMT
From what I can tell, it's only old farts who do use Facebook these days. Anybody who wants to be down with the kids like momo is grooming talking to them on Snapchat or some such.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2014 14:34:03 GMT
If that's a cunning ruse to get me to sign up so you can groom me, then hard lines bum boy Nah,
I'll leave that job up to that nice Mr Scholes
GD
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Post by Paul Spencer on Dec 7, 2014 0:34:24 GMT
One of my best memories of Tel was when Paul Spencer first met him at O'Leary's. The two of them had been going at it hammer and tongues on the message board (I'm not even sure what it was about, possibly the Fans Forum, maybe Gudjon, I can't remember). Anyway, as you do, Paul got this idea into his head of the type of bloke Tel was based on his internet persona and was prepared for things to get a bit more heated when they actually met in the flesh for the first time. The look on Paul's face when he walked in and saw Tel sat at the table was absolutely priceless. I'd pretty much told everyone I was going to knock the fooker out and then the REAL Tel walked in! Top bloke. |
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All his family, including his precious 7yo grandson - who, unfortunately, has the same debilitating illness as Tel - are around him, and he's as happy as a pig in muck.
In his back garden is a massive gazebo and a garden table that seats twelve. He says he has that for unexpected guests. They've just fitted him a wet-room bathroom, so he now dances while he sings in the bath. There are rails all around it, he says, which he uses to stop him falling flat on his arse. 
and he doesn't use the board now because he's afraid of Pit Bulls. 
