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Post by the cat on Apr 25, 2008 13:36:29 GMT
The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon , Wiltshire. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O and U
Q. What is the fibula A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure A. A Roman Emperor
Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
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Post by stokiematt on Apr 25, 2008 13:40:24 GMT
;D thanks alot i look a right nob for laughing out loud in lesson
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Post by walrus on Apr 26, 2008 7:34:34 GMT
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Post by danceswithclams on Apr 26, 2008 8:55:14 GMT
I nearly got expelled for giving the following answers on a GSCE Technology mock exam:
Below a diagram of a mechanical windmill garden ornament thing we were asked to fill in the missing gear/cog to make the thing work and then were asked:
Q: Name 2 outlets where this wind-powered mechanical toy could be purchased
A: B&Q and The Wind-Powered Mechanical Toy Emporium, Durham.
Another gem of mine was:
Q: Name any two tools
A: Peter O'Toole and Toolio Iglaisias
;D
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Post by n01stokie on Apr 26, 2008 8:55:59 GMT
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow
Quality!!
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Post by stokeylad on Apr 26, 2008 10:01:06 GMT
;D awesome
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Post by Miniman on Apr 26, 2008 15:30:57 GMT
How the heck did you get hold of my exam results you thief....
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Post by jonesinamillion on Apr 26, 2008 23:49:45 GMT
superb...judicious one just made me spit my burger out!
I check a-level exam papers in the summer and it continualy amuses me, most have scribed a penis in the margin but the best i've sen was a kid who answered a question on lung function with....
"to whom it may concern, I was absent from school on the day this was taught, if i were present i would have definatley known the answer so please award me the full marks, yours sincerely..."
really wanted to give him the marks for his bare faced cheek!
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