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Post by smudger46 on Dec 30, 2012 12:22:50 GMT
that should not be allowed to be printed awful picture.
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Post by murphthesurf on Dec 30, 2012 12:26:06 GMT
A wonderful development! 'Priests-on-air-R-Us', that famous Italian radio station, have just announced that the Pope has asked to be kept updated as to the situation every 15 minutes and will be leading special prayers for the lad from the Vatican balcony at 3pm local time today. I trust we will all be lighting a candle at the same time - I know I will. So plucky. So brave. An example to ALL of us. I'm gettin' all choked up……(breaks down in tears.)
Oh - (sniff, sniff) - wait - more news coming in….. a trip to Lourdes has apparently been arranged for the poor victim and will take place, God willing, as soon as he can be declared fit to travel. Put me down for a couple of hundred of the T-shirts, Bunny, I'll put them on Ebay with all profits going to the tragic victim. Never felt so inspired since Luis the diving chipmunk survived that vicious, heartless tackle from the big German youuuuuuuuuuuuth the other week.
See - hope never dies! I have dried my tears and will be driving down to their ground and hanging my SCFC scarf, with a bunch of flowers, on their railings later today. Never felt so inspired.
PS to Mark Crappenberg: Here's the phone number you wanted: 01782-206662.
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Post by metalhead on Dec 30, 2012 12:51:13 GMT
It's absolute tragic what happened to Jack Cork, my best wishes are with him and his family.
I struggled to sleep last night.
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Post by march4 on Dec 30, 2012 12:54:16 GMT
Second SCFC player sent off this season with no contact whatsoever.
And to compound it all, no punishment for the cheats.
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Post by drfootball on Dec 30, 2012 13:04:21 GMT
Well done Bunny and to everyone on this thread,has to be the funniest one in ages. ;D ;D ;D
Obviously my thoughts are with young Cock,sorry Cork as I know from experience that suffering a grass burn injury is no laughing matter! ;D
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Post by bunnyscfc on Dec 30, 2012 13:11:54 GMT
on the Saints forum they have completely had a sense of humour bypass.
If that was our player, I'd be ashamed, I really would.
Surely not too late for The Queen to dedicate a posthumous OBE or summat?
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Post by bunnyscfc on Dec 30, 2012 13:12:39 GMT
FAwlty Towers classic episode to be screened tonight:
Waiter, this Cork has whined"
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2012 13:20:12 GMT
FAwlty Towers classic episode to be screened tonight: Waiter, this Cork has whined" ;D Superb posts on this thread ;D
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Dec 30, 2012 13:30:56 GMT
Fergie looked at the clip on MOTD,then sent him a card saying he could have died.
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Post by blurtonboy on Dec 30, 2012 13:50:47 GMT
As the outpouring of grief reaches Ireland, the towns people of Cork have decided it only fair, that the town should be renamed Grassburn in honour of poor Jack.
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Post by bunnyscfc on Dec 30, 2012 14:07:14 GMT
As the outpouring of grief reaches Ireland, the towns people of Cork have decided it only fair, that the town should be renamed Grassburn in honour of poor Jack. *applauds*
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2012 14:19:06 GMT
I've just heard some bad news. Nzonzi poked him on facebook to try and diffuse the situation but has instead broke Cork's left leg in two places. Doctors found this latest injury after complaints of feeling pain in his right shoulder
EDIT - now Arsenal fans are starting to hear the news, it's now broke in 5 places
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Post by anarchicalan on Dec 30, 2012 14:46:05 GMT
Latest news just in - we're going to get better weather next year at the Brit because the North Wind saw the tackle and is refusing to come out when N'Zonzi's on the pitch.
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Post by murphthesurf on Dec 30, 2012 15:00:20 GMT
It's absolute tragic what happened to Jack Cork, my best wishes are with him and his family. I struggled to sleep last night. You should've phoned ME, metal - I was awake all night too with all the stress and bottled-up grief - even the dog is still howling mournfully. (There there, Fido.) Oh, wait - here's a TV newsflash with an update entitled 'THE NATION HOLDS ITS BREATH': Okay, okay, good news so far - They haven't called for the Last Rites YET, although it's reported that a long string of publicity-hungry cardinals are already drawing straws and queuing up in ghoulish anticipation as they've just realised this might be their only chance to get on YouTube…… selfish b*st*rds - can't they feel our PAIN….. PS: Good job Huuuuuuuuthy didn't give 'im a Chinese burn into the bargain - he'd have been a gonner for sure.
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Post by k on Dec 30, 2012 15:08:49 GMT
*** Breaking News ***
An Australian Radio station has phoned St. Mary's Hospital pretending to be Nigel Adkins, and obtained an update on the player. It was confirmed live on air that he's on an intravenous drip of lucozade and eating purely grape sandwiches to facilitate his recovery.
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Post by k on Dec 30, 2012 15:23:09 GMT
*** Breaking News *** An Australian Radio station has phoned St. Mary's Hospital pretending to be Nigel Adkins, and obtained an update on the player. It was confirmed live on air that he's on an intravenous drip of lucozade and eating purely grape sandwiches to facilitate his recovery. I'm afraid there's even worse news, ex-Saint Francis Benali, now working as a night porter inside Saint Mary's Hospital (and believed responsible for putting the call through) has, out of pure embarrassment, taken the desperate and drastic step of...resuming his professional football career...!
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Post by murphthesurf on Dec 30, 2012 15:46:12 GMT
Latest, just in…………..
Bulletin just gone up on the gates at Buckingham Palace: At the Queen's insistence, Wills and Kate are going to call the new arrival Corky, whether it's a boy or a girl….. or anything else, for that matter.
She has also decreed that the National Anthem itself is to be changed, so, all together now, 'God.... save.... our.... gracious Cork………'
God bless you, Your Majesty! We can always rely on you to respond accordingly to the Nation's strife. Our terrible burden is lightened already, and we humbly apologise for the earlier sarcastic cracks about the number for Hanley Specsavers and the Chinese burn. We bow deeply and exit from your gracious presence, walking backwards. (**YELP!!!!!!!!!**) - Ooooops, sorry, never saw that corgi……. oh, sh*t, now that's TWO casualties…..
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2012 16:01:06 GMT
Im pulling for Jack too - yet another spineless jellyfish of a footballer
hope the southampton MB picks up on this thread
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Post by Staffsoatcake on Dec 30, 2012 16:01:36 GMT
3 Arsenal players watched the tackle on Goals on Sunday,and all 3 dived onto the carpet.
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Post by onionman on Dec 30, 2012 16:03:11 GMT
now Arsenal fans are starting to hear the news, it's now broke in 5 places This is even worse than what he did to Francis Jeffers and Aaron Ramsey. Yet Tony Pulis will insist Ryan Shawcross is "not that kind of player".
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Post by k on Dec 30, 2012 16:08:35 GMT
Glenn Hoddle's former spiritual healer, Eileen Drury has offered to carry out a spiritual healing session on the fresh air space between Cork's legs to aid it's recovery.
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Post by blurtonboy on Dec 30, 2012 16:15:34 GMT
ITV Update
They have now commissioned a new update of the popular 80's series of Heartbeat, with Jack Cork playing a new version of Greengrass.
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Post by rawli on Dec 30, 2012 16:17:50 GMT
Why don't we have a minutes applause in the 18th minute for all our games for the remainder of the season. Or retire our number18 shirt as a mark of respect.
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Post by RichieBarkerOut! on Dec 30, 2012 16:18:44 GMT
Just watching the Felix Baumgartner Space Jump documentary, and it quite clear that poor Corky suffered from supersonic air vortices caused by N'Zonzi bringing his foot down at over 700 mph.
N'Zonzi could have brought his foot down at a safe 600 mph, but he chose not to. Clattenburg knows his physics, and he was left with no choice but to send him off.
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Post by jonnynico on Dec 30, 2012 16:25:37 GMT
They are thinking of putting him on the honours list incase he does'nt make it into the new year, but they can't make their minds up if it should be for his contributions to diving or acting.
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Post by themightyragnar on Dec 30, 2012 16:26:03 GMT
Let us all give thanks to God that Ryan Shawcross was not on the pitch or he may have incited Cork to inflict even more terrible grass stains on both himself and his new kit
Oh the shame on us all
Please people be strong the further suffering will not clean Jacks legs
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Post by murphthesurf on Dec 30, 2012 16:45:12 GMT
A DISGUSTING development!
Have you ever heard of anything WORSE?
Now those 'Have YOU been in an accident that wasn't your fault???' people have just been trying to get through on the phone next to the poor kid's deathbed.
I hope they're proud of themselves. Such people are beneath contempt.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2012 16:54:46 GMT
I've just spoke to Southampton Football Club and they have said that the marks will be there for some time to come.
Three washes his shorts have had and the grass stains are still visible
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Post by maninasuitcase on Dec 30, 2012 16:55:43 GMT
The Dandy comic are renaming their 'Korky the Cat' story to 'Corky the Twat' for this month as homage to a fallen hero.
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Post by themightyragnar on Dec 30, 2012 17:30:05 GMT
Just watching the Felix Baumgartner Space Jump documentary, and it quite clear that poor Corky suffered from supersonic air vortices caused by N'Zonzi bringing his foot down at over 700 mph. N'Zonzi could have brought his foot down at a safe 600 mph, but he chose not to. Clattenburg knows his physics, and he was left with no choice but to send him off. Whilst the above is quite a plausible reason for Jacks Horrific Injuries to his shorts having just spoken to NASA and The Met Office I can confirm the true reasons for this tragic series of events Upon seeing Battenburg ignore the blatant foul on N'Zonzi approx27,000 people within the ground took a sharp intake of breath (approx 2 litres each) 54,000l litres in total. As the redelevopment of the corner has not yet been undertaken this sharp intake coupled with such a volume caused an extreme airflow vortex within the stadium. A small yet defined microburst occurred within the area just in front of the Seddon Stand thus knocking Jack off balance. Again due to this extreme airflow and the imbalance within the ground, the earths axis actually moved for a split second causing a massive shift in the earths gravitational field causing Jack to be dragged earthward thus soiling his shorts. What about a stamp you ask.....simple N'Zonzi wears metal studs of which he too was a victim to the massive magnetic surge experienced Simple physics really but a clear case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
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