|
Joke
Apr 15, 2008 8:34:29 GMT
Post by midfielder on Apr 15, 2008 8:34:29 GMT
Infant teacher in Croxteth asks the class who supports Liverpool. All put their hands up except little Billy. Teacher asks who he supports and he says Stoke. Teacher asks why & Billy says "my parents both come from there n they support them so I do too". Teacher says you dont have to copy off your parents- what would you do if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a burglar? Billy said- "I'd support Liverpool like the rest of you cunts!!"
|
|
|
Joke
Apr 15, 2008 9:12:43 GMT
Post by stokietomo on Apr 15, 2008 9:12:43 GMT
The year is 2222, and a human couple are taking their first trip to Mars.
While there, they meet two Martians and the four of them get talking. They discuss the differences between Earth and Martian politics, technology, society - until finally the conversation turns to sex.
"Just how do you Martians do it?" asks the woman.
"Pretty much the way you do," respond the Martian couple.
After a few drinks, the four of them decide to try out a wife swap and check into a Martian motel.
The human woman and the Martian male disappear into the first available room, and he strips instantly to reveal his teeny, weenie willy, about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," sighs the woman. "It's just not long enough."
"No problem," bleeps the Martian, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.
With each slap, his willy grows another inch, until it's really quite impressive.
"That's definitely an improvement," says the woman, "but it's still pretty narrow..."
Immediately, the Martian starts pulling his ears. With each tug, his willy widens until he measures up nicely. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "that's the biggest I've seen". And they fall into bed and make mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples meet up with their partners and go their separate ways.
"How was it for you?" the man asks his wife.
"I hate to say it," she replies, "but it was pretty mind-blowing. How about you?"
"Horrible," he replies. "She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears
|
|
|
Joke
Apr 15, 2008 9:18:27 GMT
Post by Stafford-Stokie on Apr 15, 2008 9:18:27 GMT
A man lying in bed after sex with his new Thai wife. Why do you keep stroking my cock dear do you like it that much? No she replies. I just miss mine.
|
|
|
Joke
Apr 15, 2008 10:07:51 GMT
Post by Premier Endonstokie on Apr 15, 2008 10:07:51 GMT
A medical professor lecturing his 1st year students about involuntary muscle contractions, to liven up the conversation he asks one of the female students, 'for example do you know what your arsehole is doing while your having an orgasm?' She replies 'probably having a drink with his mates'
|
|
|
Joke
Apr 15, 2008 10:09:00 GMT
Post by Premier Endonstokie on Apr 15, 2008 10:09:00 GMT
Manwalks into a surgery and punches the doctor in the face 'your a bastard for telling my wife her fanny is nice' doctor says ' no I didn't, I told her she had got acute angina'
|
|
|
Joke
Apr 15, 2008 10:09:53 GMT
Post by Premier Endonstokie on Apr 15, 2008 10:09:53 GMT
I got a new car stereo the other day that is voice activated,
I shout country and it plays dolly parton
I shout rock and it plays guns and roses
I was driving through town the other day and some little twats ran out in front of me, I shouted fucking kids and started playing Gary Glitter
|
|
|
Joke
Apr 15, 2008 10:10:58 GMT
Post by Premier Endonstokie on Apr 15, 2008 10:10:58 GMT
Little 5 year old Daisy see a group of workmen turn up next door to build a house. She takes an interest and starts to talk to them, the builders witha heart of gold adopt Daisy as the site mascot.
After a week they present her with a pink hard hat and glove, even give her a £5 pay packet,
'goodness' says her mum smiling, 'are you working there next week.'
Daisy replies' I think so mummy providing those cunts from Dewsons deliver the fucking bricks'
|
|
|
Joke
Apr 15, 2008 10:14:10 GMT
Post by Premier Endonstokie on Apr 15, 2008 10:14:10 GMT
An essex girl and a boy are playing hide and seek.
the girl is hiding so sends the boy a text. "if you find me you can lick my fanny and fuck me up the arse"
"if you cant find me, i'm in the garden shed"!
|
|
|
Joke
Apr 15, 2008 10:15:14 GMT
Post by Premier Endonstokie on Apr 15, 2008 10:15:14 GMT
NEWS FLASH: An irish electrician has been sacked from the US Prision service for refusing to repair the electric chair, in his opinion he said it was a death trap
|
|
|
Joke
Apr 15, 2008 10:16:43 GMT
Post by Premier Endonstokie on Apr 15, 2008 10:16:43 GMT
A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after a 20 hour shift, preparing to write a cheque, she pulls out a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it, She looked at the shocked cashier and without hesitation says, 'well thats great some arsehole has got my pen'
|
|