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Post by Top Stopper on Apr 12, 2008 11:00:29 GMT
What's yellow and blue with a really tight cunt at one end?
An Aldi carrier bag.
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Post by walrus on Apr 12, 2008 11:21:06 GMT
A nose walks into a bar and says, ''I'll have a beer please.'' The barman says, ''I'm not serving you'' The nose says, ''Why not?'' The barman says, ''You're off your face!!''
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Post by roloman on Apr 12, 2008 11:21:23 GMT
A woman is standing naked in front of her bedroom mirror and she says to her husband "I look old, fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment." Her husband says "You're eyesight's fucking spot on"
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Post by Adster on Apr 12, 2008 11:31:55 GMT
who is red and white and can't play football??
Southampton ;D
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Post by Cityfullergoals on Apr 12, 2008 12:12:22 GMT
Just bin the butchers for tomorrows Sunday dinner
Butcher offered me eight venison legs for £50 but I said it was too dear
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Post by thevue on Apr 12, 2008 12:35:45 GMT
Paddy runs back into the pub,shouts "Mick someones stolen your motor" Mick says "did you see who stole it?" Paddy says "no but i got the registration" ;D
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Post by DamonHillsEyebrow on Apr 12, 2008 14:39:38 GMT
Bitter husband says to his wife "When you die, I'm having 'cold as ever' on your head stone!" Wife replies, "That's ok, on yours I'm putting 'stiff at last!!"
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Post by alsagerstokie on Apr 13, 2008 14:13:02 GMT
A stoke fan wins the lottery and comes into money the strange thing is so does a Fail fan living in the same street
They buy expensive cars and are boming down the A500
Suddenly the Stoke fan looses control hits the Fail fan and there cars are a wreck as they clamber out feeling lucky the stoke fan says "Seeing as we have been so lucky i see a bottle of Wiskey in my side conpartment shall we have a glass or 2 to toast our lucky fortune" "aye agrees the Fail fan" so he takes a couple of drinks from the bottle hands to the Stoke fan and says here you having one to which the stokie replies
"I shall yes after the police have been and sorted everything out"
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Post by Cityfullergoals on Apr 13, 2008 14:15:49 GMT
Soccer Am did that one with Barry
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Post by Zippy Moon Dust on Apr 13, 2008 17:41:24 GMT
A woman complains to her boss that a co-worker is sexually harassing her. " So what does this guy do ? " asks the boss. The woman replies, " Every morning he stands right up next to me and tells me my hair smells nice ! " " Well that sounds okay to me " says the boss. " Why don't you take it as a compliment ? " " I would replies the women except the little fucker is a midget "
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Post by scfc147 on Apr 14, 2008 12:25:48 GMT
I just came home and caught my blonde wife reading my diary. She was real angry. She shouted "Who the fuck are April May and June?"
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Post by scfc147 on Apr 14, 2008 12:29:06 GMT
Apparently Vodafone have just announced that they are the largest mobile community.
now don't get me wrong, but i thought that was the pikeys
(One of Jimmy Carr's finest)
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Post by Zippy Moon Dust on Apr 15, 2008 8:32:18 GMT
(One of Jimmy Carr's finest) He comes across as quite irritating on tv but I saw him when he was unknown doing the pub circuits in London. He was so funny and a nice bloke too. Anyway the point to this is - da da daaa. My 500th post.
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