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Post by Arthurdollar on Apr 11, 2008 12:33:45 GMT
I was driving through Knutton this morning and i was alerted to some Police activity outside Knutton Club. I said to this Copper whats up he said their was a bloke at the back of the club who had suffered and overdose of a cocktail of Curry...............Christ i said is it serious ? The Copper replied .........Wait for it..........He is in a Korma. ;D Yes i know......Jacket time  |
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Post by vestanpance on Apr 11, 2008 12:38:19 GMT
Fucking Hell. Thank Crunchie it's friday. We're just one step away from "a horse walks into a bar" now |
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Post by Arthurdollar on Apr 11, 2008 12:43:22 GMT
A white horse walks into a Bar and orders a pint of bitter.
The Barman says we have a whiskey named after you.
The Horse says ....What Eric ?
;D
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Post by vestanpance on Apr 11, 2008 12:45:21 GMT
"Why the long face?"
"Don't you start you cunt"
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2008 12:49:24 GMT
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
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Post by vestanpance on Apr 11, 2008 12:56:04 GMT
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotman walk into a bar
The Landlord says, "What's this, some sort of joke?"
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Post by jonesinamillion on Apr 11, 2008 12:58:41 GMT
Bloke walks into a bar wearing jumpleads... Barman says you'd better not start anything!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2008 13:00:43 GMT
A bloke walks into a bar and asks for a pint of lager.
The barmen says: "No problem mate, what lager would you like"
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Post by ben88 on Apr 11, 2008 13:02:03 GMT
bloke walks into a bar, smashes his nose and cuts his lip
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Post by scfc147 on Apr 11, 2008 13:02:30 GMT
This bloke walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm.....
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Post by vestanpance on Apr 11, 2008 13:03:15 GMT
3 Nuns and a Goldfish walk into a bar
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Post by Arthurdollar on Apr 11, 2008 13:05:14 GMT
A bloke walks into a bar and downs 10 pints of Guinness
10 pints of Cider
10 pints of Lager
10 pints of Mild
He says to the Barman, haste got any shorts youth ?
The barman replies...You mean like 10 whiskeys ?
The bloke replies no mate, only one pair ....I have shit mesen
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Post by Arthurdollar on Apr 11, 2008 13:11:44 GMT
A bloke walks into a bar and orders a pint and a double whiskey chaser.
He downs them and repeats the order about 8 times at the same time drinking the beer and pouring the whiskey down his top pocket.
The barman says come on mate you are acting like a rayt cunt get thee sen off wom and sleep it off.
The bloke tells him to fuck off
And out of his top pocket appears a mouse, and he says and tell your cat to fuck off as well
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Post by jonesinamillion on Apr 11, 2008 14:10:24 GMT
Bloke walks into a bar orders 5 pints and 5 large whisky chasers, starts to drink them one after another as quick as he can.
Barman says slow down fella, there's no rush!
Bloke says, you'd be rushing if you'd got what I've got.
Barmam asks, why, what've you got?
About £1.20 ;D
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Post by scfc147 on Apr 11, 2008 14:14:45 GMT
Bloke walks into a bar and says "Arrrrgggghhhhhh you fucker! That bastard hurt!"
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Post by Pretty Little Boother on Apr 11, 2008 16:27:40 GMT
Alsation walks into a telegram office, takes out a blank form and a pencil and writes "Woof woof woof. Woof woof woof. Woof woof woof". The clerk examines the paper and politely tells the dog "There are only nine words here. You could add another 'woof' for the same price."
Puzzled, the alsation looks up at the clerk and says "But... That wouldn't make any sense!"
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Post by Arthurdollar on Apr 11, 2008 16:43:04 GMT
Two snakes slithering through the grass and one say´s to the other...dust ere do we poison our prey or crush em to death.?? Why do you ask ?? I just bit me lip  |
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Post by Arthurdollar on Apr 11, 2008 20:43:28 GMT
A man walked OUT of a pub and tripped on some dogshit, as he was getting to his feet another bloke did exactly the same.
The first bloke said fucking hell youth i just did that.
So the other bloke called him a bastard and twatted him
;D
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Post by Arthurdollar on Apr 11, 2008 20:48:07 GMT
My mate had just finished cutting his lawn it looks like Wembley. Cudna believe it 5 mins later a Big fuck off German Shepherd jumped over his fence and did the biggest shit you have ever seen.  And the bests to come.......... 5 mins later his fuckin DOG did the same ;D |
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Post by powchirper on Apr 11, 2008 21:19:15 GMT
An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Jill, the Australian
barmaid takes his order and notices his Australian accent. Over the course
of the night they talk quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she
wants to have sex with him.
Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200
for the deed.
Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of
attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for
$200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the
night before - so she agrees.
This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar.
But this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner.
Jill is disappointed and thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention.
She goes over and sits next to him.
he asks him where he is from and he tells her Melbourne.
"So am I" she says.
"What suburb in Melbourne?"
"Glen Iris" he says.
"That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?"
"Cameo street" he says."
"This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?"
He says "Number 20".
She is astonished. "You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from
number 22 - and my parents still live there!"
"I know" he says. "Your father gave me $1,000 to give to you."
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Post by Zippy Moon Dust on Apr 11, 2008 21:36:07 GMT
A skeleton walks into a bar
"Can I have a pint and a mop"
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Post by Zippy Moon Dust on Apr 11, 2008 21:38:06 GMT
A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a pint
"Sorry. I can't serve you. You can't hold your drink"
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Post by Pretty Little Boother on Apr 11, 2008 21:41:52 GMT
A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a pint "Sorry. I can't serve you. You can't hold your drink" PMSL! ;D |
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Post by TheDee51 on Apr 11, 2008 21:42:42 GMT
Two lepers in a bar:
1st Leper: "how are you today?"
2nd Leper: "well, you know, musnt crumble"
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