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Post by walrus on Apr 10, 2008 21:11:07 GMT
This guy is hilarious!! Anyone agree?
Here's a few of my favourites
"My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."
"I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."
"Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil."
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas..."
"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."
"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
"I'm a great lover, I'll bet."
"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."
"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Zippy Moon Dust on Apr 10, 2008 21:43:31 GMT
I agree
New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.
When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
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Post by mermaidsal on Apr 10, 2008 22:17:00 GMT
He's brilliant live, I love him too.
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