Friday gag

[sovietonion]

I was walking through this field when I noticed this great big well. It was massive, dead deep and really dark. I thought, I wonder just how deep it is? I chucked down a twig but heard nothing, a few pebbles but again nothing. I went over to this drystone wall and was going to chuck down a stone when I saw this railway sleeper propped up at it. I thought that big fucker will make some noise, I'll throw that in.

I get to the well and heave the big sleeper off the side and sure enough I hear a splash in the distance. Bloody deep that, I thought! I then hear this thundering behind me and there's this bloody Billy Goat looking mad as fuck running towards me with head down and horns pointing at me. I dived out of the way at the last second and luckily the animal missed me and shot straight down the well.

Christ Almighty, I thought, that was close. It could have killed me! Suddenly this farmer appears and asks me if I've seen his goat. Before I can answer he adds, "he cant have got far, I tied him to a big railway sleeper....."


Boom tish! ;D ;D

[Parkerson]

[tqstokie]

Three newly married men were sitting in a bar together bragging how they had given their new wives housework duties.
The first man had married a woman from Albania. He bragged that he had told his wife she was to do all the washing up, laundry, dusting and cleaning in the house. He said that on the first day he didn't see anything but on the second day he came home to a clean house, the dishes were all washed and put away and the laundry too had been done.
The second man had married a woman from the Ukraine. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, washing up and the cooking. He told them that the first day he did not see any results but the next day it was better. By the third day his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Liverpool. He boasted that he told his wife that her duties were to keep the house clean, the dishes washed, the lawn mowed, the laundry done and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said that on the first day he did not see anything, the second day he still did not see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

[Cityfullergoals]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

What do you call a woman with two cunts??????

MRS NEVILLE

[madeinstoke]

an old man totters into the chemist and asks for some viagra.
"i'd like 6 tablets cut into quarters" said the old man.
the chemist replies " i can cut them for you but a quarter of a viagra will not give you an erection"

the old man replies " i'm 96 years old son, i have no use for an erection, i just want it to stick out far enough so i don't piss on my slippers anymore!!!"

;D

[Menorca Stokie]

sovietonion,
You've made my Friday, thanks.


tq, sorry mate, thats been on here at least 5 times.

[jonesinamillion]

tq - best joke EVER! been ages since I heard it ;D ;D

Heard the one about three holes in the ground ?

Well Well Well

[teflondel]

A rich man and a redneck

A rich man and a redneck are discussing what they gave
their wives for Christmas.

The rich man says, 'I bought my wife a diamond necklace
and a Mercedes Benz.'
'Why did you buy her two gifts?' asks the redneck.

The rich man replies, 'Well, in case she doesn't like the diamond necklace, she can drive her Mercedes Benz to take it back.'

The redneck acknowledges the rich man's answer, and then
proceeds to tell him that he got his wife a pair of flip flops
and a dildo.

With a confused and intrigued look, the rich man asks,
'Why did you buy her those gifts?'

'Well, in case she don't like the flip flops, she can go fuck herself'.