Comedy Xmas Carol help !!!!

[shiny nosehair]

PLease help, have been tasked with finding/creating 2 carols of comedy nature by tomorrow for a work piss up

any links/suggestions greatly appreciated

Get searchin !

[shiny nosehair]

Time running out, don't give me reason to start smiting you all


hmmm maybe the wrong kind of threat, impending smite-fest could be painful

[stokenewbie]

probably not what your looking for but its funny

[rockapejr]

Or you could do this and try to stay standing!!!

[Northy]

To the tune of Cliff Richard's Mistletoe and Wine

DREAMING OF A SCOUSE CHRISTMAS...

Christmas time, drunkenness and crime,
Children playing - in filth and grime,
With cars on fire - and trainees under tree
Time to rejoice - in be-ing scally,

It's a time for stealing, a time for receiving,
Knock-off gear - worra great feelin
Why pay top dollar - yer can nick it for free,
Just like our lecky, - gas and TV

Christmas time, píssups all the time
Nicking ciggies, - spirits and wine
Wearing-shell-suits and Nykees - all knocked off gear
It's great getting píssed - on someone else's beer

Its a time for drinkin - six packs of Stella
Dat yer got - from some dodgy Fella
Christmas is sound - Christmas is best
God bless our Cilla - and the DHSS

Christmas time - time to joy-ride
Then go and visit - family inside
With Dad on a six stretch - and sis up the duff
This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough

So next time your driving - through Liverpool-city
You may just know why - the streets look so shítty
So keep a sharp eye out - for those dodgy deals
But don't drive too slow - or they'll pinch all four wheels


And : -

't was the night before Christmas and all through Scouse House
Not a creature was stirring, not even Scouse Mouse,
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In the hopes that Santa would soon be there

Most members were sleeping sound in their bed
While visions of Spungey danced round in their head
Alfresco and Porleen where still writing cards
to Beatle ju, Emer and the rest of the bards.

I looked out the window and watched the snow fall
and spotted Bluenose and Alehouse climb over the wall
Tony W was with them and Becky was too
the last one to climb it was Maggie Moo

They should have known better to get back so late
Kermit and Hutchy had well locked the gate
but they phone up Heikki an hour before
to make sure that someone would open the door

Creeping inside they sneaked up to bed
but they where caught on the stairs by Bosnia Ged
He turned the lights on to find his way back
and that woke Kingy and Rainy and Bobby Mac

The whole of the house guests had all been woke up
so Outcast and Tea bag went and brewed up
Last ones to wake up were Bazza and Bea
and asked Tea bag kindly to make some more tea.

Kermit looked angry and his skin turned all green
said get back to bed now until Santa's been
You've let us down badly have you no shame
Ar Kid and Chris said they feel the same

Slowly but surely they went back to bed
With Kermit's words spinning around in their head.
His shouting had worked he'd given them a fright
and all was peaceful for the rest of the night

The daylight arrived no cockrell need crow
as Alioop and Samsette went down below
they opened the lounge and there by the tree
parcels and packets for all they could see

Back up the stairs they yelled in a scream
come on all you house mates Santa has been
Primal Princess was right on the ball
and woke all the rest up Ian and all

Not before long no floor could be seen
as there was wrapping and boxes were the carpet had been
Bubble bath bottles some soap on a rope
even some nerve pills for those who cant cope.

A new teapot for Teabag a model kit for Jet
Shirl she got a a hat and scarf and new gloves I bet
Paddy h and Sparti got hanky's and new sox
Shytalk got some blusher in a fancy box

Everyone got something I just can't name them all
It would take from now till May to do a full role call
so I hope you will forgive me if your not listed here
and join in with the rest of us in a special cheer

Lets hear it for our Kermit who never ever stops
cos you know as leaders go he really is the tops
Then there's Chris and Hutchy Ar Kid and Maggie Moo
Lets put are hands together for the jobs they do

So Merry Christmas everyone wherever you may be
Take care, have fun this poems now done
so it's cheerio from me