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Post by IlfordDave1975 on Jan 25, 2004 19:40:55 GMT
A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. in front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads:
Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh.
COST $5
So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves.
The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see's the horse and the jar, this time it says:
You can win all of this if you make the horse cry.
COST $10
So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had.
So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?"
The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"
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Post by IlfordDave1975 on Jan 25, 2004 19:41:47 GMT
A Panda walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a meal. When the meal finally arrives, he eats it quickly, then shoots a drunk, and leaves the bar.
A patron walks over to the bartender and asks, "What was that all about?"
The bartender replies, "Look up 'panda' in the dictionary, pal."
And so, the patron retrieves his Webster's dictionary from his coat pocket and looks up the word 'panda.'
"What's it say?" asks the bartender.
The patron replies with a grin, "Eats shoots and leaves."
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Post by IlfordDave1975 on Jan 25, 2004 19:42:39 GMT
This guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine.
Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"
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Post by IlfordDave1975 on Jan 25, 2004 19:44:50 GMT
A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night, her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity.
They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom, and when the guy walks in the door he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed.
Later, after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks, ''So, how was I?''
She says, ''Well, you can take anything from the bottom shelf.''
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Post by dexter on Jan 25, 2004 20:42:59 GMT
A penguin is driving along one day when smoke starts pouring from under the bonnet (that's the hood for you 33...  ). Fortunately, he manages to make it to a garage, where the mechanic asks him to leave the car for half an hour. While he's waiting, the penguin spots an ice cream parlour. "Fuckin brilliant! I love ice cream, me!" he thinks, and waddles off to indulge his passion. Thirty minutes and several knickerbockerglories later, our hero, covered in ice cream, returns to the garage. "What's the verdict?" he asks. "It looks like you've blown a seal" replies the mechanic. "No," says the penguin... "...it's ice cream!" Sorry, it's the best I could do on a Sunday evening. It's quite funny when you're pissed. I'll get me coat. |
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