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Post by Trouserdog on Apr 4, 2008 12:24:24 GMT
Forget this nonsense about having a football match with celebrity XIs playing under the moniker of these footballing legends, this is how to sort out who is the greatest in the great Pele v Banks debate. GETTING AN ERECTION "If" Pele was impotent, or perhaps had a "friend" who was impotent, then he'd obviously stick some Viagra up his cock and be able to get a big Brazilian stonker of Garincha proportions... Oh who am I kidding, Pele probably can't even remember the last time he had an erection, and being as my Mum reckons Gordon Banks once tried to chat one of her mates up in about 1975, Gordon was clearly a man confident of being able to do the "business" should he strike it lucky. CONCLUSION: Pele flops in the opening round, as Banksy's throbbing vein-filled stiffy smacks him round the face to put the goalkeeper 1-0 up. DRIVING ABILITY Unfortunately, this isn't Banksy's strong suit, as the last time he got behind the wheel, it resulted in him having one eye-less than he started the journey with. I've never seen pele drive a vehicle, but I did once have a dream that he was tear-arsing around Longton in Noddy's yellow car, being chased by nick Berry out of "Heartbeat". It's a controversial decision, but for me that constitutes a Pele equaliser. 1-1 WEARING BLUE JERSEYS When Brazil won the world cup in 195o-something, they beat Sweden in the final, wearing what many people claim to be blue jerseys. However, after studying a video of this game, anyone can clearly see that the game was played in black and white, and so Pele can't claim bragging rights on that score. However, Banks can, because he wore a blue top when making THAT save in the 1970 world cup game, off a header from none other than Pele. Talk about rubbing it in! 2-1 to Banks. MAKING PREDICTIONS Pele is notorious for predicting stupid stuff happening, like Columbia winning the world cup in 1994, when everyone else in the world knew that Colombia's players were too busy snorting cocaine and getting shot by gangsters to worry about playing football. On the other hand, as a child I once saw Gordon Banks outside the Victoria ground and said to him "Are we going to win today Gordon?". He didn't answer, so i presumed that he thought a draw was likely. Lo and behold the game ended 0-0. Conclusion: Pele couldn't pick the winner in a race between Denman and Muffin the Mule, whilst Banks is almost psychic in comparison. 3-1 now to Gordon. HAVING A NAME THAT RHYMES WITH SOMETHING RUDE Pele rhymes with only one word...that is "welly"...and even then you have to say it with a heavy brummie accent. There's nothing rude about wellies, whereas Banks' name is now synonymous with masturbation, after some cockney rhyming slang that I've just made up...i.e "Sorry, not tonight dear, I've had at least five Gordons this afternoon." 4-1 now. FINAL SCORE: GORDON BANKS 4 PELE 1. Whitewash. P.S Fat Cats, Hanley 9.00pm. Trouserdog live in erm..."concert". Free entry...Tonight. Get down with it funky brother. www.myspace.com/trouserdog |
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Post by Danstoke82 on Apr 4, 2008 12:28:03 GMT
 absolute genius, karma for you my friend. |
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Post by redstriper on Apr 4, 2008 13:33:22 GMT
I've hardly posted lately as most of the stuff on here is too inane to warrant a reply
but...Another fine effort from Trousers....
Surely Pele pulls one back by having more names than Banks ?, ...and possibly another because Pele also rhymes with Kelly - no I don't mean Tony "Zico" Kelly" but Kelly (let me handle those for you) Brooks ?
I'll stop there because nobody wants to see Brazil (West or otherwise) get one over on a Stoke legend.
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Post by visunitafortior on Apr 4, 2008 13:37:37 GMT
"DRIVING ABILITY
Unfortunately, this isn't Banksy's strong suit, as the last time he got behind the wheel, it resulted in him having one eye-less than he started the journey with. I've never seen pele drive a vehicle, but I did once have a dream that he was tear-arsing around Longton in Noddy's yellow car, being chased by nick Berry out of "Heartbeat".
It's a controversial decision, but for me that constitutes a Pele equaliser. 1-1"
Will be smiting you in an hours time for that.
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Post by Trouserdog on Apr 4, 2008 13:51:21 GMT
Ok then.
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Post by Mr_DaftBurger on Apr 4, 2008 13:51:44 GMT
I always though Pele rhymed with gay, foreplay, pay, say, etc.........
Banksy still wins 3-2!
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Post by NassauDave on Apr 4, 2008 18:34:44 GMT
Nice one oh pant humping canine. |
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Post by mermaidsal on Apr 4, 2008 20:05:27 GMT
;D ;D and well worth an exalt!
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Post by fezgandy on Apr 4, 2008 20:33:01 GMT
PELE!!!!! Come on get real. Who is the best? David Kevan or Maradona?  |
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Post by Matthews dad on Apr 4, 2008 20:35:42 GMT
Ian Scott  |
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Post by fezgandy on Apr 4, 2008 20:38:40 GMT
Ian Scott Ian Scott died a few years back rest his soul. I know his family very well. He was a good bloke. |
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Post by Matthews dad on Apr 4, 2008 20:48:08 GMT
Tbh i work with ian scott,he's not everyone's cup of tea but i like him.  |
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Post by fezgandy on Apr 4, 2008 20:49:59 GMT
 Tbh i work with ian scott,he's not everyone's cup of tea but i like him.
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absolute genius, karma for you my friend.
