A less than positive match report in Guardian

[stokebill]

I think it's Paul Weaver's (Man Utd away reporter) boyfriend.

I used to get a little upset by these, but now think its a fantastic thing that is to be embraced.

All together now, "W**ker! W**ker! W**ker!" ;D

I wasn't at the match, but I must admit that honesty wasn't the word I heard to describe Boro's approach - Radio Stoke definitely thought they were trying to physically intimidate Fuller with his dodgy shoulder, and I've read more than one comment about their feigning injury.

----------------

Southgate wins the style war but Pulis's Philistines prevail

Premier League

Stoke City 1
Shawcross 84

Middlesbrough 0

Jeremy Alexander at the Britannia Stadium
The Guardian

Ryan Shawcross won it for Stoke even if Middlesbrough's passing football won admiration. Photograph: Dave Thompson/PA

"Officially the loudest fans in England!" proclaimed Stoke City's programme. Whether that is in official decibels or offensive vulgarity was not specified but the city's buses are carrying the same boast. Everyone is up for the ride, urging the side towards a second season in the top flight. This win, their eighth at home to make up for none away, took them above the dotted line and left Middlesbrough below it.

People talk idly of six-pointers. "Definitely," said Ryan Shawcross, Stoke's late scorer, which was how he prefaced each answer afterwards before pretty much repeating the question. But too many clubs are caught in the quicksands for any game to be so labelled with a fifth of the season to play. On current strike rate Stoke will reach 40 points, which should be enough. Four of their eight games are against fellow strugglers, none against the top six. Boro may need to win four, which is only two fewer than they have managed in 30. But they played with belief here, except in front of goal, and resilience in face of vocal and physical intimidation.

Only once did they lose concentration. It was fatal. Perhaps diverted by the arrival of another giant, Mamady Sidibe, in place of Liam Lawrence, they forgot the discipline with which they had attacked Rory Delap's throw-in missiles. Shawcross ran in front of four of them, waiting like lineout jumpers, and skimmed a header unchallenged inside the far post. "After we scored eight in 13 or 14 games it dried up so we are oiling Rory up again," said the manager, Tony Pulis. "It is a great weapon."

Depressingly it looked like Stoke's only weapon and Pulis, having noted Boro's "good individual players", admitted: "We know we've not got that quality, so we had to match it with work rate and honesty" – the honesty that in the first minute bumped Tony McMahon over the touchline as Delap came in late like a stock car; or that Ricardo Fuller showed with his elbows until booked. Pace and muscularity are their stock. Football and rugby union may soon converge in hoofing physicality.

Boro were true to Gareth Southgate's principles, taking the low road with short steps where Stoke took the high. To repel the bombardment he played 3-5-2 for the first time, his wing-backs joining the neat interplay of the midfield regulars with the tireless Tuncay Sanli up front as he danced through a minefield of challenges. It worked except for the lack of goals and the late lapse that made Shawcross a hero. It was his third goal in four games after none all season. James Beattie's five in seven is what Boro might have expected from the £12m Afonso Alves, instead of four in 26.

"What we feel we might have deserved is irrelevant," said Southgate, who was booed by Boro fans as he left the field – stark evidence that results matter more than means to some. "It is irrelevant how I am," he said. "I accept there is going to be anger." What does matter to him is how his team play and they had suffered their own abuse by Stoke's fans for a spell of sweet dominance. Pulis, though, was full of praise for the crowd. "In five and a half years I haven't heard it that loud," he said, having earlier said of their adopted song: "I don't have to strain my ears to hear your Delilahs." Delilah, of course, was a Philistine.

Man of the match Tuncay Sanli (Middlesbrough)

[Deleted]

no one likes us-we dont care.

[Lakeland Potter]

"On current strike rate Stoke will reach 40 points, which should be enough. Four of their eight games are against fellow strugglers, none against the top six."

Do the Guardian know something we don't? Are they expecting Arsenal to drop out of the top six?

Ace reporting by the Gruinard! ;D

[edinburghstokie]

Delilah, of course, was a Philistine.

So, he is trying to be intelligent to make up for what is a really crap match report.

[slangking]

'Jeremy', I rest my case. Oh mummy, I was at a frightful stadium full of common oiks shouting.

[spiderpuss]

I can't imagine any of our remaining games will have any pundit writing glowingly about us.

Who cares.

[Danstoke82]

I really couldnt care less about what some of the press think, as long as the lads to the business on the pitch that is all what matters the most.

These so called "experts" just hate the fact that we havent turned out the way they had predicted us too, kind of makes them look shit at their profession.

Keep it up Stoke!

[ted1965]

Oh dear we upset the nice man from the Guardian, how sad that is I mean he hasn’t heard swearing or eye popping passion before guess you really don’t get that from the press box at Chelsea.

Now lads we really mustn’t upset such luminaries as cub reporters from the broadsheets who missed cubs to come and watch the nasty folks of Stoke cheering on their side.

So from now on here’s a few new cheers we must learn.

I say referee I think one’s made a bit of an error there. Who’s the illegitimate individual in the change colour for appropriate shirt.

Play up Stoke but not to hard so we don’t offend the gallant losers on the other side.

Oh and no loud singing, clapping or anything else that might actually create an atmosphere from now on we wish to have the hushed tones of a library. If the man on the PA could kindly remind supporters before each game that we have gentleman of the press here today boys so could we please keep the vulgarity down to a minimum and in no way shape or form show support for your side. Maybe the Guardian would print some song sheets for us like the last night of the Proms.

My god this is why the Premiership is like a morgue on so many grounds people have forgotten what a football crowd are actually supposed to be like. It seems some have forgotten it’s a working class game just because the toast racks of Eton and Harrow have found it over the last decade doesn’t mean we all have to adhere to the shhhhh it’s rude to show support class.

[stokiematt]

missed a bit off that report

"but stoke won the 3 points..." does all that shit matter if we won? thats name of the game get more goals than the other team... we have done that.


piss off you twat

[DrGonzo]

Re: Jeremy Alexander's thoroughly impartial summary of Stoke City's match with Middlesbrough at the weekend. Delilah certainly was a Philistine, but the protagonist was incurably invidious and jealous. Ring any bells?

[drwhom]

Here's my reply to the hack, ccing the Grauniad sports pod manager just for fun.

I very narrowly managed to avoid adding, PS in case this didn't come through: c£ck off sh!t-for-brains.

Jeremy,

The one critical error in your one-eyed, rant of an article reviewing the Stoke v Middlesbrough match is that the Philistines were anything but the uncultured goofs you assume them to be. It was purely because they were an enemy that the propaganda machine was launched to promote them as such. In actual fact, the Philistines brought metal-working skills and advanced theories of architecture to the places that they were driven to.

It seems curiously fitting that you were ignorant of this, as Stoke too have far more to them than the propaganda would have you believe. I certainly wouldn't say that some of the football that we play at times isn't a touch agricultural but we have far more qualities than those who see us 2/3 times a season expect. To say we're not honest is outrageous bilge, given that the Middlesbrough back line seemed to be auditioning for the part of Dying Man Wounded In Battle in a local am-dram production every time a Stoke player went anywhere near them. Against that I would place Liam Lawrence staying on his feet (when surely a dishonest man would have taken the penalty) to cross for Beattie as evidence for the defence.

As for your assertion that Stoke fans (among whom I am proud to be counted) are offensively vulgar, well, you don't specify the nature of that. I assume it's because you find the noise and the passionate support offensive in some way. The fact that we could support such Philistinism being somehow tantamount to vulgarity maybe? As I said, I don't quite understand it, but then it wasn't a very good article.

Have a good day and I look forward to me and my team offending your delicate sensibilities next season.

Best wishes,

Dr_Whom

I'll let you know if he replies. He won't.

[hokusai]

www.guardian.co.uk/football/2008/dec/01/premier-league-stoke-hull

The last time this chap wrote on us was against Hull. A similar theme, although tempered somewhat compared to his latest offering. Presuambly because he also doesn't like Hull too much either, but just hates us more!

[Gods]

>>"Officially the loudest fans in England!" proclaimed Stoke City's programme. Whether that is in official decibels or offensive vulgarity was not specified

To be fair to him we do shout "w*nker" in unison at anyone we don't like, I think it's great personally but it doesn't go on at most grounds up and down the country so may have come as a shock to this cosseted journalist!

[Stav]

Copy of letter just sent to the Guardian by Mrs Stav (AKA Revstokie)

Greetings

As children many of us learnt that Delilah was a Philistine, but a closer study leads to doubt. Had Delilah been a Philistine, the Philistine commanders would not have needed to bribe her to help them with Samson.

It is more likely that her name comes from a word play,a common feature in the Bible. In this case it would be dalla meaning amorous and dalila meaning guide.

This puts a completely different slant on the writers take on the Stoke City match and Stoke City fans. As a season ticket holder married to another, dalla goes without saying, as does the fans love and devotion for the club. And the club seem to be dalila about how a newly promoted side, without all the bells and whistles of the big clubs, can stay up.

Kind regards etc ............... (Reverend and vulgar Stoke fan)

[Anto1962]

I'm never(ok very rarely) abusive at Stoke matches, and in the very first minute it was actually Delap who was left on his arse after being barged of the pitch straight from the kick off, or didn't he see that.

[mumf14]

I thought the report had too many big words in it...Don't they know we're working class round here.?

You couldn't even buy a Guardian in Fegg Hayes,....let alone have enough time to read the fcuker.

[doctorbaker]

I'm sure the 100,000 Social Workers that buy the Guardian don't even read the sports pages

[despotter]

The dig at Shawcross' interview style seems utterly unnecessary and petty. Think about it, when does a match report ever include criticism of a player's PR skills? Does he similarly criticise Rooney's monosyllabic yeah-no-yeah platitudes? Probably not.

[NorwichStokie]

What an odious gimp Jeremy Alexander is. I've never read such blinkered, biased bile in my life! Even down to Shawcross's post-match interview. The bitterness he feels floods from his words. I wonder if he was even at the game. That would account for him missing the fact that the 'boro players were throwing themselves to the ground every time a Stoke player came anywhere near them, or that the large majority of our support was backing our own players and the fact that offensive chants against players taking corners can be heard in almost every football ground on a Saturday afternoon (yes, even (especially?) Norwich) and that spells of lengthy possession by the visiting team are greeted by a cacophony of boo's in such 'great' stadiums such as Anfield and Stamford Bridge. The one-sided sourness finally comes to a head when he claims that we don't have any of the top-six teams to play, when of course we have Arsenal away on the last day of the season. Despite that, even if the claim wasn't a lie, it's such a blinkered, misleading quote, considering we have the 7th, 8th, and 9th placed teams to play.
Can you imagine the world in which Jeremy Alexander would have us live? A world where the mainly silent crowd would clap politely at swift exchange of passes, resulting in a goal kick, and where fans tutted in vexed disdain when the referee brandishes a player a yellow card for a half-way-line tackle, or where the crowd applauds the ability of a player to hit the deck by the mere presence of an apposing player and where the name 'Jeremy' is not associated with being a complete middle-class gayer.
No thanks Jeremy. Give me Stoke any day.
Dr. Norwich Stokie (BSc, PhD, FRS)

(OK, I'm lying about the FRS, but what's good for the goose....)

[FullerMagic]

Mar 23, 2009 10:02:52 GMT despotter said:

The dig at Shawcross' interview style seems utterly unnecessary and petty. Think about it, when does a match report ever include criticism of a player's PR skills? Does he similarly criticise Rooney's monosyllabic yeah-no-yeah platitudes? Probably not.

The dig at Shawcross is despicable. What a pretentious and thoroughly dislikable arsehole he comes across as.

I think Jezza would be more at home swigging Pims and lemonade at Henley or Twickers.

He'd clearly got the whole thoroughly tedious Delilah/Philistinism thing worked out on the train on the way up from Islington.

Touche, old bean.

[ashbournepotter]

to be fair, the arseholes sitting behind me in block 11 were pretty odious

[lew86]

Probably a soft southern twat, don't like it? fuck off.

[Not_Nick_H]

It's after reading reports like that that I'm ashamed to admit to being a regular Guardian reader in my younger days. They really are a bunch of muesli-munching yoghurt knitters these days.


Well done to everyone who's sent replies to Jeremy*. I await the official Grauniad reply eagerly.







*Cucumber sandwich anyone?

[wardrobe monster]

He was just pissed off that we dont serve prawn sandwiches at the Brit. Tedious little twat.

[Bick]

Started to wind me up as I was reading, but in actuality, it is laughable.

[Deleted]

As Jeremy Alexander would say "Stoke City have moulded themselves into a crude cruet from their native potteries clay, cheating their way onto the Premiership table. Meanwhile football royalty feasts around them, occasionally breaking to shake the peppery points out of this Pottery abomination. Surely anything so rough and flawed should get discarded in place of something finer to feast with next year."

Quotes from this guy:

Stoke v Boro

"Delilah, of course, was a Philistine." Note to editor - Look at me, I'm intelligent. I want a job on the culture pages

"To repel the bombardment he played 3-5-2 for the first time ...it worked except for the lack of goals and the late lapse that made Shawcross a hero" - In other words it didn't work and Stoke won.

Stoke v Hull

"They are a ceramic pot with a chip on its shoulder, that is probably beyond repair." In otherwords "I've constucted a convoluted sentence to do with pottery and built the entire article around this one metaphor."

"The throws are a running gag; they are also a plot line. Their threat is an undue influence on defenders." In other words "wibble, wibble, glfluncticlup".

Stoke v Blackpool last season

"Coping with pressure is part of the job and Pulis ...is not doing it well." Stoke got promoted.

Stoke v WBA last season.

"Stoke are more bird-table bullies while Tony Pulis recognised the throstle in Albion." In other words Stoke knew they could beat Brazil by being physical.

Stoke v Fulham last season.
"Stoke have milked the loan system and creamed up the Championship table to play-off contention." Let's stretch a metaphor

Anyone who writes like this is never going to like Stoke. I imagine that most of his articles get written on the way to the match rather than on the way home from it.

[monkhousestokie]

Don't forget to remind him that the Arse are in the top six, the muppet

[surreystokie]

Well done to those who have responded and those of you who have 'merely' put down your well-considered and hugely readable thoughts on here.

Personally I'm just about to do a job on the lawn, to work off my fury, before girding my loins to respond, this afternoon.

After the love-in, the hate-in, eh?

[anfieldred(and white)]

Dont worry about what is written in this lesbian loving, tree hugging, woolly piece of shite.

[Beloved Monkfish]

This article just reminds me of how much I love West Brazil and all the other sides in the relegation zone that try to play football. I mean, afterall, you don't get points for winning games, and scoring more than the opposition, you get points for passing it sideways, and conceding stupid goals, then being branded unlucky cuz you've had 70% of possession but all in your own half.

Football doesn't have to be played along the deck. You have to play to your strengths. I don't really get wound up by these so caled articles anymore, they are in fact quite funny. The first seasons in the prem are all about staying up, and as long as we do, who honestly gives a flying fuck how we do it. Surely no-one can argue that it hasn't been exciting at home this season?