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Post by delilahblue on Mar 12, 2009 16:58:19 GMT
All right you oatcake eating clay headed bunch of pottery ducks. Saturday is the day of judgement. Life having conspired to make me have to live in the 3rd world known affectionately by the locals as North Staffs I have had to put up with your strange and peculiar habits when it comes to eating, talking and watching football for years. I do make allowances for the inexperience of youth and that one day you will all grow up and become Vale fans (great club, friendly and with a wonderful tradition don’t you think duck?) but you’re still an annoying lot. Noisy, vulgar and with limited use of the English language. I’ve tried, God knows I’ve tried, to give the friends I’ve made around here the benefit of my football experience and education despite many having season tickets at that wind tunnel you call a football ground but like many 3rd world countries progress is slow and you can’t hurry evolution. It must be hard to look and sound sophisticated when you have a big forehead and your knuckles drag in the clay dust as yer walk up ‘anley to buy yer chavvy caps. It’s unfortunate that something as precious and unique as a Premiership football club should find itself in the hands of a bookie and a bunch of Tom Jones karaoke sound-a-likes but that’s life I suppose. But Saturday will be a great learning experience for you. Very few football clubs in the world have the honour of Everton visiting them once a year let alone the ultimate experience of visiting the home of true football – GOODISON PARK. Make the most of it. You will get stuffed but at least for generations to come you will be able to talk about the unique experience and the emotionally fulfilling trip that was GOODISON. And wipe your feet as you go in.
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Post by Kirstendunstslovebubbles on Mar 12, 2009 17:00:50 GMT
Actually mate any club that runs out to Z Cars needs there heads looking at. And i'll be wiping my feet on the way out thankyou
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Post by wembley4372 on Mar 12, 2009 17:00:51 GMT
saddo
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Post by Cast no shadow on Mar 12, 2009 17:02:04 GMT
erm........ cock
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Post by DannyStokie on Mar 12, 2009 17:03:25 GMT
All right you oatcake eating clay headed bunch of pottery ducks. Saturday is the day of judgement. Life having conspired to make me have to live in the 3rd world known affectionately by the locals as North Staffs I have had to put up with your strange and peculiar habits when it comes to eating, talking and watching football for years. I do make allowances for the inexperience of youth and that one day you will all grow up and become Vale fans (great club, friendly and with a wonderful tradition don’t you think duck?) but you’re still an annoying lot. Noisy, vulgar and with limited use of the English language. I’ve tried, God knows I’ve tried, to give the friends I’ve made around here the benefit of my football experience and education despite many having season tickets at that wind tunnel you call a football ground but like many 3rd world countries progress is slow and you can’t hurry evolution. It must be hard to look and sound sophisticated when you have a big forehead and your knuckles drag in the clay dust as yer walk up ‘anley to buy yer chavvy caps. It’s unfortunate that something as precious and unique as a Premiership football club should find itself in the hands of a bookie and a bunch of Tom Jones karaoke sound-a-likes but that’s life I suppose. But Saturday will be a great learning experience for you. Very few football clubs in the world have the honour of Everton visiting them once a year let alone the ultimate experience of visiting the home of true football – GOODISON PARK. Make the most of it. You will get stuffed but at least for generations to come you will be able to talk about the unique experience and the emotionally fulfilling trip that was GOODISON. And wipe your feet as you go in. ok just don't steal my hub caps please jippo. I may spit in the concourse, will you shout at me if i do?
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Post by Stokie in Geordieland on Mar 12, 2009 17:04:29 GMT
There are quite a few words in that first post, youth! I could barely understand it having been born in Stoke City General. Are you sure you'll be able to cope come 5pm on saturday when you'll have been forced to eat them all?
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Post by Beloved Monkfish on Mar 12, 2009 17:05:22 GMT
What's that place called that sort of looks like a bin, that stores all the shit? It's on the tip of my tongue...
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Post by sovietonion on Mar 12, 2009 17:06:14 GMT
Ahem...if your gonna stereotype, at least make an effort. Know Your Stereotypes- The Premiership Edition This Weeeekkkhh: Everton Typical Image of Everton fan: Club Trophy Room Contents: 9 League Titles 5 FA Cups 22,478 Alloy Wheel Trims 1,397 Bookies’ Pens 994 Hotel Towels European Pedigree: Arrests for lovable Scouse rogue behaviour (theft) in 42 European cities. Joint British record holders with Liverpool. Record Transfer: £22.75m. Billy ‘Fingers’ McGurk from HMP Walton, 2007. In charge of the lost Property Office (Procurement Dept) Religious Affiliation: Church of Scouse. A very insular cult which believes that life doesn’t exist beyond Merseyside. Rivals: Liverpool, Tranmere, Marine, Runcorn, Vauxhall Motors FC. Nickname: The Toffees. Changed from ‘Uncle Joe’s Mint Balls’ after a legal challenge from Joe Royle. Motto: ‘A Liverpool defeat is always better than a Blues victory’ Common Misconception: Everton are always targeted by appalling referees in Merseyside Derbies. They don’t really, it’s just refs like giving generally shocking decisions in favour of Liverpool almost anywhere. Fan Attributes: Paranoia, nimble fingers, whining, delusions of grandeur, delusions of being more than average, delusions of anyone outside the City of Liverpool giving a toss about them. Player attributes: Violent Intoxication and Vigilantism (Duncan ‘Disorderly’ Ferguson), Male Pattern Baldness (Carsley, Gravesen, Kendall, Johnson), nicked from Stoke (Beagrie, Heath, Bracewell,) Kryten from ‘Red Dwarf’ head (Lescott), Mental Deficiency (Royle), Tramp (Southall), Invisibility (Van der Meyde), Sherman Tank (Yakubu), genuine Tourettes Syndrome (Howard), more convincing Tourettes Syndrome (Peter Reid), being the least popular of two thoroughly disliked brothers (Phil, brother of ‘Gary Neville is a Red, he hates Scousers,’ Neville) McLaren fom Porridge (Fellatio) Did You Know? Goodison Park is a ground which retains a vast amount of tradition. Indeed, along with Craven Cottage and to a lesser extent Villa Park, Goodison is the one of the few grounds in Britain to be officially designated a GSTCI (Ground of Space Time Continuum Interest) due to it being so old. Recent studies have found that Everton’s home is the only part of Britain still not free from Cowpox and Typhoid. This makes Everton’s regular high attendances all the more impressive considering that at least 2% of the crowd are lost during every home match due to child labour being stuck in the club chimneys, murderous attacks from Jack the Ripper, the effects of Consumption and isolated outbreaks of the Black Death. Dealing with these instances is of course tough. Last year two Goodison St John’s Ambulancemen were quite rightly awarded MBE’s and a lifetime’s supply of leeches for voluntary services to the community.
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Post by foreverstoke on Mar 12, 2009 17:07:23 GMT
i can imagine your jelousy of our knuckles scraping along the ground, it must be hard to deal with the fact that your family have probably slept with each other and all have the characteristics of a theif.
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Post by Stafford-Stokie on Mar 12, 2009 17:07:59 GMT
I thought it was quite funny to be fair. At least he put a BIT of thought into it. Better than most rivals that come here. ;D
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Post by dozintheseventees on Mar 12, 2009 17:12:00 GMT
Do come back on here on Saturday night my friend. Your over-achieving bunch of no-talent, no-flair runners are going to come a cropper on Saturday.
Everton are a good, historic club (NOT AS OLD AS US MIND!)
You need a lesson in football history my friend. We may not have won much in our history but we have been around longer than you and have a proud history.
But then again, I don't think you are typical of the more intelligent Everton fans who, in the main, have a much more balanced view.
Incidentally, we deserved to beat you at the Brit - you are a very boring, uninspiring team of 'tryers'.
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Post by stokemark on Mar 12, 2009 17:25:44 GMT
Having lived in the shadow of a great club for years clearly explains his affiliation with Port Vale !
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Post by truckerged on Mar 12, 2009 17:34:00 GMT
soviet that was fookin brilliant i take my hat off to you
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Post by stayingupforbigbazza on Mar 12, 2009 17:35:16 GMT
DB
are you Mike Parry off talksport??
Keep taking the medication
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Post by PotteringThrough on Mar 12, 2009 17:37:07 GMT
GOod stuff, and also excellent reply from Soviet! I've got a chavvy car
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Post by boothenbus on Mar 12, 2009 17:38:15 GMT
Sorry duck dunna understand ya
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Post by delilahblue on Mar 12, 2009 17:42:41 GMT
I can understand the frustration you must all feel looking up at bigger clubs and dreaming. I think you've done well since your squad went full time last summer.
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Post by stayingupforbigbazza on Mar 12, 2009 17:47:29 GMT
We support our local team
You must be a Vale fan I reckon???
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Post by ghostie75 on Mar 12, 2009 17:51:35 GMT
Hes a vale fan that has to have a "premiership club" to support.
That said its a funny post. If we are to take this as a genuine scouser then I have to admire the irony of someone from merseyside claiming another group of people inthe UK have a "limited use of the English language"..... absolute quality ;D ;D ;D
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Post by white wall boy on Mar 12, 2009 17:51:35 GMT
I think you've done well since your squad went full time last summer. thats brought a smile to my face ;D though I won't be smiling on Saturday if you scouse gits steal three points
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Post by madeinstoke on Mar 12, 2009 17:56:24 GMT
dear oh dear.
i just cant be fucking bothered.
twat
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Post by eddy_under_fire'sviews on Mar 12, 2009 17:56:25 GMT
that was a pisser to be fair
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Post by stokesaint1 on Mar 12, 2009 17:59:39 GMT
I haven't had cause to comment on many posts of late but it's posts like this that make me feel I have to. To recall the words of a famous scouser (adopted), "There are two teams in the City of Liverpool, Liverpool FC and Liverpool FC reserves", just as there are two teams in the City of Stoke on Trent, "Stoke City FC and Stoke City FC reserves. It really does amaze me how the supporters of the "also rans" in a city like to come out of the woodwork, from time to time, with futile wind ups against their betters. I will remember to wipe my feet as I leave your antiquated old museum piece of a stadium and I will remember to not even think of parking my car within your city limits and I will also try and put a couple of bob into the collection box for the scouse unemployed masses. I also see you're one of the lucky few who's managed to escape. Aren't you pleased you managed to get out in time to get a real education, to enable you to join up all your words into sentences. Oh and as a PS, I spent 15 years living in Merseyside, so know it pretty well.
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Post by Soi Cowboy on Mar 12, 2009 18:04:43 GMT
Personally think you should wipe your feet as you leave but hey
Nice to know Everton are so excited about our visit. Bet they're all clambering to steal our 'Netto' discount cards :-)
He did make me smile though bless him
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Post by delilahblue on Mar 12, 2009 18:07:51 GMT
Evolution grinds on. Very slowly.
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Post by stayingupforbigbazza on Mar 12, 2009 18:12:02 GMT
Soviet great stuff from Oatie issue 443
Who writes those??
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Post by Soi Cowboy on Mar 12, 2009 18:12:18 GMT
I'll sink a few Changs on Saturday after we take 3 points ........
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Post by Birchesheadpotter on Mar 12, 2009 18:13:46 GMT
I cant wait to read his post match 'We were robbed' thread ;D
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Post by Soi Cowboy on Mar 12, 2009 18:18:10 GMT
'I cant wait to read his post match 'We were robbed' thread '
After that who knows he might talk about the game :-)
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Post by crimesy on Mar 12, 2009 18:18:20 GMT
bored Vale fan imo, otherwise just a very, VERY thick scouser (and thats saying something). Im thinking that this lad's 11, no older.
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