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Post by mermaidsal on Nov 20, 2008 20:54:52 GMT
Can I ask for some (serious if possible) male advice please?
Say you're on an online dating site and see a woman who explains that she's got a disability, maybe says what it is, or maybe lets it be seen in her pic. Honestly, how likely would you be to reply?
Or, how about if she doesn't say or show she's disabled, you get talking online and it's going well and then she tells you - how would you react?
Thanks...
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Post by swampySCFC on Nov 20, 2008 20:58:32 GMT
That is going to be one difficult question to answer Sal, I suspect.
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Post by mermaidsal on Nov 20, 2008 21:09:27 GMT
Cheers both of you - but Sidders, sorry for putting you on the spot, would you honestly make the move if you did know from the start? I'm not sure I would have done as a able-bod
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Post by swampySCFC on Nov 20, 2008 21:14:31 GMT
Sal. I honestly think it depends on what the disibility is but I guess you are right -most blokes wouldnt hang around.
Now if the person was really good looking....
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Post by mumf14 on Nov 20, 2008 22:57:23 GMT
Sal.....It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if the person was someone I really liked. I think it's always better to be up front with any disability issues ,as it can possibly avoid any awkward situations later....at least you then know that you are meeting up with someone who doesn't have a problem with you. P.S....I'll be down Westport lake at about 12.30 tomorrow smoking a woodbine and wearing a flat cap.I will eating a pudding dinner with my two dogs... 6' tall 18 st bald fat and thoroughly pissed off with our Ilda....just incase you may be passing.
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Post by swampySCFC on Nov 20, 2008 22:59:41 GMT
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Post by mumf14 on Nov 20, 2008 23:01:43 GMT
I would protect Sal from pervs like you...
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Post by blurtonboy66 on Nov 20, 2008 23:02:47 GMT
Very thought provoking post this, Honesty from the very start is the only option i think as anything else would only cause problems later, some very honest replys from the lads on here as only i would expect
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Post by wizzardofdribble on Nov 21, 2008 14:53:52 GMT
I think that the anwser lies partly in the question...let me explain...I suppose Sal,it depends on what you're looking for that will determine what you say about yourself...,if you are looking seriously for a future partner then you need to be reasonably upfront..but on saying that I wouldn't 'wave your disability' in somebodys face...if someone I hardly knew and never seen came straight-out with something like that I'd be thinking 'well WTF's that got to do with anything'...i;e; context is everything Sal.. If you meet the right person it will just slip into the conversation unobtrusively anyway..so I wouldn't worry too much about it... If it feels right say it but otherwise try and get to know a bit about the other person first and let them know what a wonderful thoughtful intelligent Stokie you are...
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Post by truckerged on Nov 21, 2008 15:00:22 GMT
depends on how big her tits are ;D ;D ;D
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Post by shiny nosehair on Nov 21, 2008 15:10:25 GMT
I think I can be honest enough to say no. It feels callous but it certainly isn't intended to be.
I wish you all the luck in the world Sal you deserve it, I tried tinternet dating for a short time and didn't find it particularly successful but I don't think I was brave enough with it, was contacted many times and ignored, wasted of money really.
I tried 3, order of success 1. Dating Direct 2. Match.com. 3.Plenty of fish (free though and lots of contact but mainly from psycho hippacrocodillapigs)
Good Luck !!!!
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Post by myleftboot on Nov 21, 2008 15:28:23 GMT
Hi Sall I had an ex who I met online about 5 years ago who had CP. I think it is all about a persons perception and outlook on disability. For me I know for a fact it would not make very much difference because because I know that behind every disability is a person but however there are narrow minded people out there who would not think like that. Then the alternate question that you need to ask yourself is that if they think like that then would you really want to meet or be with them. I have extremely poor sight in one eye and you would not beleive how many women ran a mile just for that reason around here before I met the other half (nothing do with my ugly mug honest . If your confident about yourself then go for it. What harm can it do. PM me if you need to. Alweays here to help as you gave me advice before.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2008 15:36:55 GMT
Personally (and this is as honest as it gets)...
...I would run a mile but I am a callous, obdurate, cold-hearted wanker who unfortnately takes looks before personality.
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Post by thepremierbanksy on Nov 21, 2008 16:32:08 GMT
There's your answer then, some would stick around, some wouldn't, so you've not got a lot to lose really, as long as you can take the hit of a few rejections without it being too damaging. If you can post this on here where you're arguably less anonymous than on an online dating site then i reckon you're tough enough. As others have said I guess you want to get the balance of when to tell someone right though.
A mate of mine started internet dating a couple of years ago and i was helping him with his profile. He got sent a hideous close up photo of an inserted vibrator and just left it at that.
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Post by Mr_DaftBurger on Nov 21, 2008 17:02:14 GMT
As others have said you should be upfront from the off otherwise you'll get lots of people contacting you based on your looks You'll only be hurting yourself if you keep it secret, get on really well with someone and then have the atmosphere change when you tell them. P.S. Whatever you do don't mention your lucky 'grey' bra! ;D
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Post by mermaidsal on Nov 21, 2008 19:18:19 GMT
Cheers everyone, this is really helpful and thanks for your honesty - it takes a good mate to do that! Not sure it's something I'm ready for yet but I may bung a profile up in the New Year just to get an idea. When I was first injured I was just so glad to be alive, then too busy working out how the hell you do everything on wheels and everything else that goes with my disability and getting my family used to it to think much about how people (including male people ) might react, but now I'm getting on top of daily living I'm more aware of how differently guys look at a disabled woman. You don't realise how much harmless flirting goes on in daily life till you realise it's not happening any more...
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Post by salopstick on Nov 21, 2008 19:38:13 GMT
FREE FLIRTING TIPS
1. Attitude: If you don't have it, you can't flaunt it. The best flirts are risk takers with an unshakeable confidence.
2. Humor: A must-have. One of the core elements of a relationship is the ability to make the other person laugh; be it "at" or "with" you.
3. Believability: You have to believe you're a great catch or no one else will. Period. If you don't think you're worth it, you've lost the game before it's begun.
4. Assertiveness: Approach someone and start a conversation. And no, you do not have to be a male to make the first move. Welcome to the 21st century.
5. Accessorize: Not with jewelry and matching shoes, but with conversation starters like dogs, a good book, or a signature scent that's bound to attract attention.
6. Approachability: Nobody likes an ice-queen, or king for that matter. Force yourself to let your guard down and you'll make yourself more approachable.
7. Eye Contact: Don't stare the other person down; simply give them the attention and respect they deserve. BONUS: Direct eye contact also shows confidence!
8. Have Fun: Nothing says "comfortable" like a person who is willing to "let down their hair" and be spontaneous and goofy. It goes back to that humor thing!
9. Sincerity: If they are truly interested in you, they will want you to feel comfortable being the "real you." Don't be afraid to show a little vulnerability.
10. Smile: Not only does it show you're enjoying their company, it's contagious, and it makes you one hundred times more attractive and approachable!
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Post by wizzardofdribble on Nov 21, 2008 19:59:13 GMT
WTF's TP doing with Rory, Daftburger ;D
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Post by TheDee51 on Nov 21, 2008 20:10:38 GMT
Sal, you've probably asked THE most hardest question ever posted on this board, and i'm very sorry to have to say but I think most men are so fickle as to not reply once you made them aware of the dissability. But thats not to say ALL men are like that, at least I hope they're not. I would be heartbroken if anything happened to my wife that made her 'disabled' but I can honestly say I would adjust to her needs and work through it. The difference there though is the fact that I am already married and already in love. You don't need one of those onine dating sites - I'm pretty sure it will do more harm than good. You know all too well that men can be bastards from behind a computer screen. I could just imagine some of the comments you would get which would be so wrong in so many ways. I'm sure Sal, in time you will meet somebody who loves you for who you are not for what they can get out of the relationship. Its going to be tough mate, but you've shown to nearly everybody on here that you can certainly hold your own. With your kind of backbone Sal just give it time but please reconsider going on an online dating site. Please.
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Post by Mr_DaftBurger on Nov 21, 2008 20:33:29 GMT
WTF's TP doing with Rory, Daftburger ;D That's nothing just errrmmm warming him up! I can't post the other pics! Sal The dee is proabably right unless you want a quick shag stay away from online! If that's all you want you could always go to Wesport with mumfy for that!
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Post by mermaidsal on Nov 21, 2008 20:49:09 GMT
Dee, sorry to disagree but THE hardest question is 'when will Dave Kitson score?' - but I'll admit to second hardest and thanks so much for yet another really thoughtful reply... and I hope Mrs Dee knows what a lucky woman she is.
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Post by truckerged on Nov 21, 2008 20:52:33 GMT
just tell it as it is sal. if people have a problem with that they arent worthy! p.s. i think its up to you ladies to offer dave kitson some sort of incentive to break his duck along the lines if you score on the pitch you will score.........................
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Post by armchairfan on Nov 21, 2008 21:42:51 GMT
To be honest, a disabillity wouldnt bother me, but everyones different. Sal, be honest from the start, get ya cards on the table. If some bloke is put off by your disabillity, f**k em, er, well, don"t f**k em, well, ya know what i mean. Good luck duck, & watch out for nutters.
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Post by edwardhitler on Nov 21, 2008 22:00:42 GMT
Can honestly say, it wouldnt bother me at all. Why should it?
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Post by daverichards on Nov 21, 2008 22:28:54 GMT
Sal: This is possibly the most ambigious question ever posted, there are so many variables .
1st off it depends on the man, and what he looks for in a partner, but that applys to able bodied women as it does to disabled women .
2nd it depends on your personality, if your personality is defined by your disability, then that will put a LOT of men off , conversly if your personality shines through quite a few men will look beyond it .
I can't say which way would be best, but i can tell you having seen your pic on myspace , if your personality matches your looks, you'll be beating them off with a broom duck , and having conversed with you enough on here it probably does , when you're ready to get out there I don't think you'll have anything to worry about
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Post by Brick-Top on Nov 21, 2008 22:31:01 GMT
I want to see her myspace now ;D
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Post by armchairfan on Nov 21, 2008 23:18:22 GMT
I want to see her myspace now ;D & me. ;D
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Post by wizzardofdribble on Nov 21, 2008 23:25:11 GMT
Sal, you've probably asked THE most hardest question ever posted on this board, and i'm very sorry to have to say but I think most men are so fickle as to not reply once you made them aware of the dissability. But thats not to say ALL men are like that, at least I hope they're not. I would be heartbroken if anything happened to my wife that made her 'disabled' but I can honestly say I would adjust to her needs and work through it. The difference there though is the fact that I am already married and already in love. You don't need one of those onine dating sites - I'm pretty sure it will do more harm than good. You know all too well that men can be bastards from behind a computer screen. I could just imagine some of the comments you would get which would be so wrong in so many ways. I'm sure Sal, in time you will meet somebody who loves you for who you are not for what they can get out of the relationship. Its going to be tough mate, but you've shown to nearly everybody on here that you can certainly hold your own. With your kind of backbone Sal just give it time but please reconsider going on an online dating site. Please. Also remember that there are some very dodgey women around too..Tracey Donnelly the mother who tortured and colluded in her 18 month old son or so-called 'Baby P's' death...also spent a large chunk of her day on internet-dating sites...
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Post by armchairfan on Nov 21, 2008 23:29:55 GMT
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Post by mermaidsal on Nov 22, 2008 13:29:39 GMT
Just saying one more cheers everyone, never thought I'd get such a good response And mumf, I keep looking but the trouble is everyone at Westport Lake looks like that so if you see an Audi with a wheelchair in the front in the car park you'll have to come and knock on the window... ;D
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