How to speak South Essex!!

[ricksastokie]

My sister sent me this today and I thought it was brilliant.

alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item
amant - Quantity; sum total ('Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend')
assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc
awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ('That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day')
branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ('Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?')
cort a panda - A rather large hamburger
Dan in the maff - Unhappy ('Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff')
eye-eels - Women's shoes
Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre
garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: 'Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper')
Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island
lafarjik - Lacking in energy ('I feel all lafarjik')
OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs
paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport
reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ('I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig')
Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday
tan - The city of London, the big smoke
webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ('Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour')
wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police
zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ('I told ya a fazzand times already')

[Dazzlerscfc]

Fucking hell I've learnt a new language