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Post by 4kingal on Jul 26, 2008 1:21:21 GMT
Amanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Amanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with its incessant yelling, cursing, and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "shut up, you stupid ugly bird!" to which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
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Post by pugster on Jul 26, 2008 19:50:46 GMT
A bloke sees his ex-wife with her new lover and decides to wind him up so he shouts over, "hows the second hand pussy?" Quick as a flash, her lover replies, "great - after the first three inches, its like brand new." ;D ;D
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Post by pugster on Jul 26, 2008 19:53:05 GMT
I went into Clinton cards today. I said to the woman behind the counter, "do you sell bereavement cards?" She said, "yes, sir." So I said, "could I exchange one for this get well soon card I bought yesterday?"
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Post by Beardy200 on Jul 26, 2008 21:20:26 GMT
What do you call 3 Mancs in a filing cabinet?? ..... Sorted
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Post by pugster on Jul 26, 2008 21:54:38 GMT
The sex offenders register..
I'm not even sure they should be in school.
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Post by pugster on Jul 26, 2008 21:57:15 GMT
I've tried to help childless couples by making anonymous donations of my sperm.
However, I've now been told I should really be doing this through a clinic and not straight through their letterboxes.
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Post by 4kingal on Jul 26, 2008 23:39:29 GMT
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
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