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Post by mossleypotter on Feb 4, 2024 21:36:38 GMT
When I was 22 I was engaged to two women at the same time Just wondering, did you marry either of them ? & if so, have you ever told Mrs Salopstick about her rival ??
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Feb 4, 2024 21:40:30 GMT
When I was 22 I was engaged to two women at the same time Just wondering, did you marry either of them ? & if so, have you ever told Mrs Salopstick about her rival ?? She’s one lucky lady whichever way you look at it👀
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Post by salopstick on Feb 4, 2024 22:16:22 GMT
When I was 22 I was engaged to two women at the same time Just wondering, did you marry either of them ? & if so, have you ever told Mrs Salopstick about her rival ?? Nope and can’t remember
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Post by noustie on Feb 4, 2024 22:27:28 GMT
When I was 22 I was engaged to two women at the same time Bet the sex with a schizophrenic was absolutely wild!
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Post by cvillestokie on Feb 4, 2024 23:10:19 GMT
I opened this thread expecting tales of a driving instructor and window cleaner 😂
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Post by jesusmcmuffin on Feb 4, 2024 23:14:59 GMT
I opened this thread expecting tales of a driving instructor and window cleaner 😂 I'd be thrilled if Askwith posted on here Once got a 'thanks mate' on Twitter off him when I voted for him to be on the new banknotes that time Was a ...I'm never going to wash that computer again, moment
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Post by Bojan Mackey on Feb 4, 2024 23:41:14 GMT
I hit someone’s BMW the morning I was going away on holiday when I was 17 so I removed my numberplates and left the car under a cover on a private driveway and never heard anything off the back of it.
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Post by noustie on Feb 5, 2024 7:34:40 GMT
I’m Santa
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Post by oggyoggy on Feb 5, 2024 9:15:41 GMT
I once had intimate relations with a ginger But was she a fox?
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Post by oggyoggy on Feb 5, 2024 9:30:24 GMT
Aged 18 and with my parents away for a week, I had friends over. I only had a provisional license and we were showing off to each other in the rear driveway in cars, cans of beer in hand. I reversed my dad’s car out and scraped it all down the right hand side on a lamp post.
Knowing my dad would kill me if he found out, the next day I bought white touch up paint and drew white streaks downs the scratches and dents, then called my parents, telling them someone must have driven into the driveway and scraped along the side of the car.
The mechanic came round, looked dubious, and said it must have been a big van coming fast given the position of the damage. I got away with it.
Until my best man revealed all in his speech at my wedding 12 years later.
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Post by NassauDave on Feb 5, 2024 10:00:13 GMT
I once had intimate relations with a ginger An albino badger?
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Post by NassauDave on Feb 5, 2024 10:01:04 GMT
Put a gun against his head 🎶
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Post by NassauDave on Feb 5, 2024 10:01:54 GMT
Whilst hitch hiking across the USA I regularly told gullible Americans that I had never heard of McDonald's as there were none in the UK. Blagged a steady supply of free happy meals. It works for KFC and Taco Bell too. I'm loving it!
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Post by NassauDave on Feb 5, 2024 10:05:29 GMT
Once set fire to the school temporary art department and on another occasion the scout hut. Both destroyed but managed to put the blame on others by not owning up. I was 13 at the time. We'd never seen fire engines in the playground before. I thought the cat thing was bad 😨 You weren't in the vicinity of Windsor Castle or Notre Dame in later years by any chance? No, but he used to live on Pudding 🍮 Lane.
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Post by NassauDave on Feb 5, 2024 10:22:48 GMT
On the top deck of the PMT bus going to school, I noticed that blue ink was seeping out of my school bag. It was from a bottle of Quink used to fill my Christmas present fountain pen. ( I never could write with it).
I threw the bottle out of the window somewhere in Heron Cross and thought nothing more of it.
Departing the bus at Bishop Bright High School, I was still trying to wipe the ink from my fingers when I heard a screech of tyres.
It was my horrible bastard of a metalwork teacher Mr. Butler on his moped.
Turns out he had been behind the school bus in the vicinity of Heron Cross.
He liked like a fucking extra from Brave Heart. Even his teeth were blue, which believe me was an improvement in my opinion as he was a heavy smoker.
He was going apeshit trying to find the culprit as I casually walked away.
I had to keep my hands in my pockets all day.
He never did find out it was me. Fuck him, I never liked him anyway.
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Post by lordb on Feb 5, 2024 10:34:39 GMT
I once had intimate relations with a ginger An albino badger? Can't say fairer than that
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Post by redstriper on Feb 5, 2024 11:02:04 GMT
I've have, on at least two occasions, backed Stoke to lose.
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Post by noustie on Feb 5, 2024 11:06:32 GMT
Still living with my folks in my early 20s came home from a massive night on the p!ss after staying at a mate’s house to find the door locked and them out and I’d left my keys at his house in the middle of Dundee. Unfortunately the ridiculous amount of Guinness I’d consumed was reeking havoc on my insides and I really really really needed a sh!t. Fortunately the garage was open but I couldn’t find a bucket so at the point of no return grabbed a random carrier bag and curled an absolute whopper into it. Plan was to tie it up, hide it amongst the rest of the wheelie bin rubbish and hope it didn’t absolutely fucking stink the bin out but unfortunately the wheelie was empty so really didn’t want to leave a bagged up huge jobby for my mum to find at the bottom when she next took the rubbish out.
Instead I decided I’d walk to the end of the road and chuck it in the dog poo bin and forget the entire incident. However, I’ve never felt so conspicuous in all my life and had absolutely no idea how to carry excrement in a carrier bag without looking extremely dodgy. Unfortunately the neighbour was out and decided this was a great time for our first chat ever! I’m genuinely spooked and I’m standing there like a youngster holding a goldfish they’ve won at the carnival and can see curiosity is getting the better of him. Pre-emptive, tell him I was locked out so cleaning up the back garden for my folks and had picked up the dog’s shit to take it up to the poo bin raising the bag as proof. Unfortunately, the shadow of an absolutely huge weighty turd was readily evident at the base of the bag, I reeked like an alcoholic tramp and my parent’s had a miniature poodle so their was doubt etched all over his face – I spluttered ‘fuck knows what they’re feeding him!’ then took off dump my cargo and made sure to walk the long way back to avoid further contact.
Don’t think I ever spoke to them again between then and them moving out 5 years later.
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Post by felonious on Feb 5, 2024 19:38:05 GMT
Still living with my folks in my early 20s came home from a massive night on the p!ss after staying at a mate’s house to find the door locked and them out and I’d left my keys at his house in the middle of Dundee. Unfortunately the ridiculous amount of Guinness I’d consumed was reeking havoc on my insides and I really really really needed a sh!t. Fortunately the garage was open but I couldn’t find a bucket so at the point of no return grabbed a random carrier bag and curled an absolute whopper into it. Plan was to tie it up, hide it amongst the rest of the wheelie bin rubbish and hope it didn’t absolutely fucking stink the bin out but unfortunately the wheelie was empty so really didn’t want to leave a bagged up huge jobby for my mum to find at the bottom when she next took the rubbish out. Instead I decided I’d walk to the end of the road and chuck it in the dog poo bin and forget the entire incident. However, I’ve never felt so conspicuous in all my life and had absolutely no idea how to carry excrement in a carrier bag without looking extremely dodgy. Unfortunately the neighbour was out and decided this was a great time for our first chat ever! I’m genuinely spooked and I’m standing there like a youngster holding a goldfish they’ve won at the carnival and can see curiosity is getting the better of him. Pre-emptive, tell him I was locked out so cleaning up the back garden for my folks and had picked up the dog’s shit to take it up to the poo bin raising the bag as proof. Unfortunately, the shadow of an absolutely huge weighty turd was readily evident at the base of the bag, I reeked like an alcoholic tramp and my parent’s had a miniature poodle so their was doubt etched all over his face – I spluttered ‘fuck knows what they’re feeding him!’ then took off dump my cargo and made sure to walk the long way back to avoid further contact. Don’t think I ever spoke to them again between then and them moving out 5 years later. Well Scotland is indeed famous for it's curling
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Post by PotterLog on Feb 5, 2024 20:04:27 GMT
In a CDT lesson at school our officious handyman-type teacher gathered the class round to demonstrate something. I did a silent fart whose stink enveloped the whole group so completely that teach had to stop what he was doing and take a step back.. everyone started holding their noses and looking round asking who'd done it. The panic of being rumbled got the better of me - I picked the nerdiest, quietest girl in the class, pointed at her and said IT WAS CHLOE!
The class fell about in hysterics/disgust saying horrible things about poor Chloe. One person crept up behind her and wrote FART ZONE on her chair and she was reduced to tears. Needless to say the legacy of Chole's silent fart in CDT lived on for many months and years.
I'm sorry about that Chloe.
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Post by marylandstoke on Feb 5, 2024 20:05:00 GMT
Once set fire to the school temporary art department and on another occasion the scout hut. Both destroyed but managed to put the blame on others by not owning up. I was 13 at the time. We'd never seen fire engines in the playground before. My flabber has just been gasted. It’s always the quite ones isn’t it
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Feb 5, 2024 20:09:09 GMT
In a CDT lesson at school our officious handyman-type teacher gathered the class round to demonstrate something. I did a silent fart whose stink enveloped the whole group so completely that teach had to stop what he was doing and take a step back.. everyone started holding their noses and looking round asking who'd done it. The panic of being rumbled got the better of me - I picked the nerdiest, quietest girl in the class, pointed at her and said IT WAS CHLOE! The class fell about in hysterics/disgust saying horrible things about poor Chloe. One person crept up behind her and wrote FART ZONE on her chair and she was reduced to tears. Needless to say the legacy of Chole's silent fart in CDT lived on for many months and years. I'm sorry about that Chloe. I’m sure it stood her in good stead for the hard knocks of adult life. You did her a favour
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Post by Clayton Wood on Feb 5, 2024 20:30:55 GMT
Many moons ago I was living in Stone and working in rural Derbyshire about an hour's drive away. It had snowed heavily all night and was set to continue for some hours yet. I decided to give it a go and turn back if it got too bad. My missus decided to pack me a carrier bag of warm clothes in case I got stranded. I grabbed the carrier from under the stairs in the hallway on the way out, slung it on the car's back seat and set off. It was slow going with locals and other motorists getting out to push cars up the hills. The Old Bill even got involved at one point 'handing out advice.' After 2 1/2 hours I pulled on to an almost empty works car park, even locals had given up getting in. There was a flashing message on my office phone (before mobiles), it was her in doors asking me to ring her when I got in. "You forgot to take your spare clothes." "Eh, on the back seat." "No, it's here in the kitchen with a flask of coffee."
Turns out the bag under the stairs was full of our daughters old Brownies uniform to go to the local Brownie leader to hand out to any who couldn't afford one.
Thankfully I didn't get stuck and asked by the local plod what was in the bag on the back seat. "Oh, just a change of clothes in case I need them officer."
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Post by milton58 on Feb 5, 2024 20:34:00 GMT
In a CDT lesson at school our officious handyman-type teacher gathered the class round to demonstrate something. I did a silent fart whose stink enveloped the whole group so completely that teach had to stop what he was doing and take a step back.. everyone started holding their noses and looking round asking who'd done it. The panic of being rumbled got the better of me - I picked the nerdiest, quietest girl in the class, pointed at her and said IT WAS CHLOE! The class fell about in hysterics/disgust saying horrible things about poor Chloe. One person crept up behind her and wrote FART ZONE on her chair and she was reduced to tears. Needless to say the legacy of Chole's silent fart in CDT lived on for many months and years. I'm sorry about that Chloe. bully does she post on here just a bully picking on a innocent girl
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Feb 5, 2024 21:05:22 GMT
In a CDT lesson at school our officious handyman-type teacher gathered the class round to demonstrate something. I did a silent fart whose stink enveloped the whole group so completely that teach had to stop what he was doing and take a step back.. everyone started holding their noses and looking round asking who'd done it. The panic of being rumbled got the better of me - I picked the nerdiest, quietest girl in the class, pointed at her and said IT WAS CHLOE! The class fell about in hysterics/disgust saying horrible things about poor Chloe. One person crept up behind her and wrote FART ZONE on her chair and she was reduced to tears. Needless to say the legacy of Chole's silent fart in CDT lived on for many months and years. I'm sorry about that Chloe. bully does she post on here just a bully picking on a innocent girl
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