todays joke offering

[armitagestokie]

The Irish Pilots landing at Dublin Airport

As they approached Dublin number 1 runway, the tower heard

PILOT - Bjeesus will ya look how fookin shart dat runway is?

CO-PILOT - Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy

PILOT - Dis is ganna be one a de trickiest landings ever, Shamus!

CO-PILOT - Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy!!

PILOT - Right, Shamus, when I say 'go' put de engine in reverse!!

CO-PILOT - Royt, I'll do dat!!

PILOT - An den ya put de flaps down!!

CO-PILOT - Royt, I'll do dat, too!!

PILOT - An den stamp an de brakes as hard as yer can an pray ta de Holy

Mudder a Gad!!!

CO-PILOT - I'm prayin already, but I'll hit de brakes as hard as I can.

So, as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put

the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray to the Holy

Mother with all his soul. The brakes screeched, the tyres squealed, and

there was smoke everywhere, but, to the relief of all the passengers

and, not not least of all, Paddy and Shamus, the aircraft came to an

abrupt stop barely a metre from the end of the runway!!!

As Paddy and Shamus sat in the cockpit regaining some composure, Paddy

looked out of the window and said to Shamus, 'Dat has gat ta be de

shartist fookin runway in de world!'

Shamus replied, 'Yes, but da ya see how fookin wide it is?'

;D

[Deleted]

I don't get it ???

[stokietomo]

Ha ha. I like that. Here's another Irish one

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in
reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.

'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when
you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it
a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as
to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and
begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'

'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was
almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with
his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups
and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and
there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an
absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband
provided wasn't good?'

'Feckin jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm
sittin here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!'

[armitagestokie]

Whydel--they landed side on ---doh!!!

[Deleted]

They landed on the side of what?

I don’t get it??

[LL Cool Dave]

If your not taking the piss, which i reckon you are, then the joke is that they were landing the plane on the runway, but from side on instead of the normal way, therefore making the runway appear short and wide, as opposed to long and narrow.

[edinburghstokie]

what the plane flew sideways?

[Deleted]

Why would they land it that way Dave?

I don't get it.