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Post by LL Cool Dave on Jun 11, 2008 22:27:59 GMT
I was down the club last night and a fat bird starting chatting me up. She said, "how many sexual partners have you had?" I said, "23". Then I said "Do you want to make it 24?" She smiled and said, "yeah!" So I said, "well introduce me to your fit mates and fuck off".
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Post by scfcmatt on Jun 11, 2008 22:40:13 GMT
;D have a sexy warm karma all over your face for that one dave
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Post by chrispk76 on Jun 11, 2008 23:54:56 GMT
Do you know the difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk . If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away did you know There are 256 bones in your body! (is there) yes ,Would u like another i was thinking, we could go back to my house order some pizza and then have sex (no) ok we'l have a chinese then im an astronaut ya know my next mission is to explore uranus What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zip Does this rag smell of chloroform to you Let's play Pearl Harbor... I'll lay down, and you blow the shit out of me (Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself If you kiss me, I'll try not to kill all of your friends ;D ;D
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Post by Soi Cowboy on Jun 12, 2008 0:03:08 GMT
Josef Fritzl goes up to a bird in a bar
'Do you want to have my babies?...........................................They're in my basement'
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2008 11:32:21 GMT
This bastards a winner every time:
Walk up to a bird and say:
You: I'm going to have sex with you tonight, do you no why?
Bird: No, why?
You: Because I'm stronger than you.
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Post by PotteringThrough on Jun 12, 2008 11:44:22 GMT
Man - Did it hurt?
Woman - When I fell from the sky because I'm an angel?!!
Man - No, when you hit all the branches of the ugly tree on your way down - Now buy me a drink Quasimodo!
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Post by the cat on Jun 12, 2008 12:03:33 GMT
Dyou know the difference between a sausage roll and a cock? No Fancy going on a picnic?
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Post by bossthemidfield on Jun 12, 2008 12:12:11 GMT
OK... get yourself down to any supermarket...best during the day...spot the MILF you really like...lots around...THIS IS THE IMPORTANT BIT - get eye contact...introduce yourself by asking for help finding an item or two - or be more creative...make sure you meet at the tills or better still in the car park and ask if she would like a coffee - you’d be surprised at the results! If you don’t try...you’ll never know
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2008 12:13:25 GMT
OK... get yourself down to any supermarket...best during the day...spot the MILF you really like...lots around...THIS IS THE IMPORTANT BIT - get eye contact...introduce yourself by asking for help finding an item or two - or be more creative...make sure you meet at the tills or better still in the car park and ask if she would like a coffee - you’d be surprised at the results! If you don’t try...you’ll never know WTF!!! Where is the joke????????????????????????
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Post by bossthemidfield on Jun 12, 2008 12:15:46 GMT
NO JOKE LOONY - IT WORKS>
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Post by bossthemidfield on Jun 12, 2008 12:16:44 GMT
If you prefer try...
Fancy a fuck?
and get yer face slapped.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2008 12:20:05 GMT
If you prefer try... Fancy a fuck? and get yer face slapped. I'd rather do that than loiter around supermarkets trying to make eye contact with women...its just fucking weird. You don't wear a belt do you?
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Post by bossthemidfield on Jun 12, 2008 12:23:15 GMT
only on my straightjacket.
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Post by Pretty Little Boother on Jun 12, 2008 12:23:27 GMT
;D Loony
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Post by mozzer68 on Jun 12, 2008 12:44:45 GMT
This one works- Excuse me love, does this hankecheif smell of chloroform?
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Post by BoothenBooBoo on Jun 12, 2008 12:45:00 GMT
I was down the club last night and a fat bird starting chatting me up. She said, "how many sexual partners have you had?" I said, "23". Then I said "Do you want to make it 24?" She smiled and said, "yeah!" So I said, "well introduce me to your fit mates and fuck off". LMAO ;D
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Post by chrispk76 on Jun 12, 2008 14:59:43 GMT
This one works- Excuse me love, does this hankecheif smell of chloroform? obviously you didn't read my above post chrispk76 says "Does this rag smell of chloroform to you"
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Post by robdog on Jun 12, 2008 15:17:08 GMT
nice legs - what time do they open?
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Post by tigger68 on Jun 12, 2008 15:40:56 GMT
get yer coat you've pulled..................
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Post by stokeylad on Jun 12, 2008 15:51:34 GMT
man: do you work in subway? woman: no why? man: coz u've given me a footlong man: do you work for royal mail? woman: no why? man: coz i've seen you checking out my package
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2008 15:52:48 GMT
You’re in luck love, I’ve decided to go ugly, early.
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Post by Cupid Stunt on Jun 12, 2008 16:32:12 GMT
whydelilah you've been watching adverts for 8 out of 10 cats haven't you? ;D
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2008 16:33:29 GMT
Whatever gave you that impression? I’m considering having Walliams for plagiarism.
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Post by Cupid Stunt on Jun 12, 2008 16:37:59 GMT
Have a smite for copyrighting ;D
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2008 16:40:42 GMT
Bastard Have some exaltation for being a twat. ;D
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Post by Cupid Stunt on Jun 12, 2008 16:43:38 GMT
;D
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Post by jonesinamillion on Jun 13, 2008 16:07:25 GMT
Man - whispers in targets ear "250lb polar bear". Woman - WTF? Man - That breaks the ice, fancy a fuck?
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Post by the cat on Jun 13, 2008 16:12:52 GMT
I've tried "Dus' sweat much for a fat 'un" Surprisingly didn't get anywhere, I really need to work on my routine I've made some notes of the previous posts and will be trying them out later tonight. Karme for the one that gets me laid
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Post by n01stokie on Jun 13, 2008 16:31:58 GMT
is that laid, or laid out
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Post by Juan Kerzhoff on Jun 13, 2008 16:50:28 GMT
I've tried "Dus' sweat much for a fat 'un" Surprisingly didn't get anywhere, I really need to work on my routine I've made some notes of the previous posts and will be trying them out later tonight. Karme for the one that gets me laid fan-fuckin-tastic squire have a karma cake!
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