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Post by flea79 on Jan 7, 2019 23:44:12 GMT
So that’s it my brother finally went too far last night and was found in a drug den this morning having had his last trip He leaves behind 2 kids not that he ever was much of a dad to them but still.... My brother who at the age of 4 carried me into the streets as a baby to try and keep me away from the vile monsters my parents became when they were high and would have done anything for me Then we were split up and had separate lives, I had a nice life in Stoke with good adopted parents he stayed in Warrington with his grandparents who did what they could but he fell into a cycle of crime and drugs and spent a lot of his adult life either in prison or on the run in Spain where I used to visit, he was clean and having a good time Over the last 2 years he has given me nothing but misery including drug dealers to my door demanding I pay his prison drug debt or they cut him, he got cut, nobody ever didn’t bail him out before, I couldn’t afford his debt and how would it ever help him if we carried on bailing him out over and over I feel tremendous regret we never made up and maybe I should have done more for him to bring him back but if his own kids couldn’t what chance did I have I also deeply hate myself right now for being glad he is gone and that at least he has some peace and maybe his kids can get some stability, they both have good mothers who put the kids before his selfishness If the legacy of our relationship is that I act as father to this pair then maybe I can call it quits with him Even so rip bro, I wish I was with you every step along the way and I simply wasn’t  |
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Post by trentvale68 on Jan 7, 2019 23:54:36 GMT
Very touching post
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Post by LL Cool Dave on Jan 7, 2019 23:56:52 GMT
Sorry for your loss.
Don't be too hard on yourself for too long. Sounds like there wasn't much more you could have done to help.
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Post by cooper67 on Jan 8, 2019 0:04:24 GMT
RIP.
You tried your best that is all you can do.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 8, 2019 0:09:51 GMT
Very sorry to read that - it's really so very sad.
I certainly don't think that you let your brother down, and you certainly shouldn't reproach yourself at all. It seems that there wasn't anything more that you could have done.
If it's possible try to concentrate on any good times that you spent together and do what you can for his kids.
All the best to you at such a sad time.
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Post by Sam on Jan 8, 2019 2:08:19 GMT
Firstly I’m very sorry for your loss.
You have nothing to reproach yourself for. It seems to me you did all you could to help your brother.
Sometimes you have to take a step back and realise there’s nothing more you could have done. If someone doesn’t want to be helped, you can’t force it on them.
I wish you all the very best, you seem like one of life’s good guys.
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Post by maxplonk on Jan 8, 2019 5:36:19 GMT
I also deeply hate myself right now for being glad he is gone and that at least he has some peace and maybe his kids can get some stability, they both have good mothers who put the kids before his selfishness Condolencies. This gladness you feel is much more likely to be relief that a very difficult situation has come to an end rather than that your brother has died. It is a natural grief emotion which actually reveals how much you did care about your brother even if you think you didn't do enough for him, and you shouldn't berate yourself for too long about it. This might not be of much comfort to you at the moment but it might help later when things have settled down a bit. |
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Post by chuffedstokie on Jan 8, 2019 6:46:07 GMT
Many condolences and sadness at your loss. As has been said you can't berate yourself over this. Remaining focused on your future now must be a priority.
Take care.
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Post by auntiegeorge on Jan 8, 2019 7:25:38 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear of this. I agree with everyone above, particularly Dees and Chuffed.
Other than in the most exceptional of circumstances, we are all individually responsible for the choices and actions we take in life. I'm sure that your emotions must be raw at the moment, but you can't berate yourself for the role you played in your brother's life. He made his own choices and it sounds like no-one could have prevented him from chosing the path he did.
All the best to you and your family.
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Post by bathstoke on Jan 8, 2019 8:32:37 GMT
So that’s it my brother finally went too far last night and was found in a drug den this morning having had his last trip My brother who at the age of 4 carried me into the streets as a baby to try and keep me away from the vile monsters my parents became when they were high and would have done anything for me Then we were split up and had separate lives. ] You’ve both been through it over the years. Look after yourself |
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Post by xchpotter on Jan 8, 2019 8:36:09 GMT
Wow, that is some serious shit that you have endured, but sadly it’s not an uncommon tale. You have done your best by him and as much as this brings an end to things it will still hurt you....after all, whatever he’s done,he’s flesh and blood and no doubt you will have imagined a thousand ways things could’ve been different.
Not sure around the domestic arrangements for his kids,but I think your suggestion of being a father figure to his kids is an excellent one. This way you can help him after he’s gone and maybe give them something that he was missing. Good luck and best wishes.
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Post by Northy on Jan 8, 2019 8:53:31 GMT
Sorry for you for the loss of your brother Flea, sometimes you can't help people even if you try your hardest.
You've had a rough couple of years, but youve got a new wife and 2 young boys to help you focus on the good side of life, happier times to look forward to, plan visits, plan trips, days out, it will put smiles on their faces and yours as well. Look forward to the future, it can be bright.
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Post by RichieBarkerOut! on Jan 8, 2019 9:44:47 GMT
You read something like this and it puts my own problems into perspective.
I hope you will be able to move on.
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Post by yeokel on Jan 8, 2019 10:11:37 GMT
My condolences on your loss.
As everyone has said, you seem to have nothing to beat yourself up about.
You tried your best, your brother doesn’t seem to have done, perhaps this is the best outcome for all concerned?
I’m sure you’ll move on and be happier without the stress and pain this has obviously caused you.
You deserve to.
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Post by Mr_DaftBurger on Jan 8, 2019 10:32:05 GMT
I don't know if this will resonate with you but I lost my mother this year having cared for her for a number of years. It too was a release for me as, in reality, I lost her through dementia a while before she actually physically left, if that makes sense. Maybe it's the same with your brother. When these 'diseases' take hold there is little we can or could have done. All we can hold on to is the memories of the person they were when not in this state.
You are right to concentrate on the positives, look forward not back!
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Post by flea79 on Jan 8, 2019 10:41:44 GMT
Thanks for the words everybody
dunno how to feel about it all to be honest, take it each day as it comes
main priority now is his youngest who is too young to understand that his dad is dead but in time will need to understand and know that he is loved and to avoid the circle repeating, my brothers dad died when he was a similar age
what a fecking mess
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Post by metalhead on Jan 8, 2019 10:55:01 GMT
Bloody hell mate, hope everything is alright. Sounds like you did everything you could. It 100% puts my current problems into perspective.
Take care.
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Post by musik on Jan 8, 2019 11:09:36 GMT
but in time will need to understand and know that he is loved and to avoid the circle repeating My condolences on your loss. Probably this is your mission here on Earth now. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 8, 2019 11:48:21 GMT
Sorry for your loss, hope you manage to keep your head held high and do what's best for you.
I had a lump in my throat when I read your nod to We'll Be With You at the end. A special song for a special community.
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Post by bringmesunshine on Jan 8, 2019 12:15:40 GMT
I had a tear I'm my eye reading that, sorry for your loss.
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Post by felonious on Jan 8, 2019 13:12:30 GMT
Having read this Flea I don't think there's anything that I can add. You couldn't help your brother because nobody could unless he was able to want it himself.
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Post by localloser on Jan 8, 2019 18:15:55 GMT
There are some wise words on here from some good people. I don't think I can add to them except to give you my sincere condolences. What a sad waste of a life.
The only advice I would dare to offer is that perhaps every couple of days or so you come back to this thread and get a renewal of the empathy that people genuinely send you to give you encouragement through these terrible dark days.
I wish you and your family well
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Post by thequietman on Jan 8, 2019 20:44:47 GMT
Heck, Flea, that's tough. I don't think there's any shame in feeling happy he's gone. It sounds like there was no route to stability for him and if his lifestyle can't send his kids down a similar path any more then maybe that's best for them.
Feel happy for them, help them, support them, whatever you think you can give and they'll want or accept. I mean that in a guidance + family / friendship sense, not necessarily money.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Could you honestly have done anything for him that could have prevented this happening eventually?
Hang in there, squire. Tell his kids about what he did for you as a nipper himself. Give them the admiration you clearly had for that whatever else happened later in his life.
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Post by 3putts on Jan 10, 2019 4:19:29 GMT
That is a sorry tale to read. You were in an impossible position you could do no more. Best thing you can do is be a father figure to the kids and teach them right from wrong.
Good luck for the future flea we all have different opinions on here whether it be the footy or politics but at the end of the day we are all stokes so should stick together
Best wishes flea
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