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Post by thehartshillbadger on Aug 11, 2023 19:59:12 GMT
I'd check it again mate. Your other half is one lucky lady. Nah, if he can’t even be arsed to spell check or proof read she can’t trust him with the technical work. Most of his posts on here read like an AI Bot so maybe it’s just malfunctioned
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Post by scfc1863 on Aug 21, 2023 12:04:37 GMT
It was my birthday recently and a longtime friend sent me a card together with a photocopy of his chest x-ray.
Strangely weird I know, but his heart's in the right place.
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Post by questionable on Aug 23, 2023 15:12:27 GMT
We popped out for a beer on Saturday and noticed the pub were having a BBQ.
Grabbed a pint and headed over to the BBQ and had a look at the menu board, Burger £4:50 - Cheese Burger £5.00 and bizarrely Hand Job £10.00 when a stunning blonde lady came across and asked if she could help me.
I asked are you the lady who does the hand job, she smiled and said yes, ahh ok I’ll have a cheese burger then but can you wash your hands...
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Post by hotterpotter on Aug 23, 2023 17:55:35 GMT
Why did God invent Organisms? So that Woman can Moan even when they're Happy I gave my wife yet another orgasm last night. I thought she'd be pleased but she said if bring one more hamster home she's leaving me ☹️
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Post by 828492 on Aug 24, 2023 19:34:11 GMT
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, flummoxed, speechless, perplexed, and gobsmacked. Meanwhile, those waiting for the shipment were at a loss for words.
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Post by pretzel on Aug 24, 2023 19:48:43 GMT
Q. Why has there never been a 'Pregnant Barbie' version of the popular doll
A. Because Ken always comes in a different box
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Post by chuffedstokie on Aug 29, 2023 16:04:41 GMT
Thanks to the people that said it's fine to allow your pets to sleep on your bed. My goldfish is now dead.
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Post by scfc1863 on Aug 30, 2023 12:46:52 GMT
Something to ponder......
If the Romans were that bloody clever, why wasn't Rome built in a day?
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Post by hotterpotter on Sept 1, 2023 6:49:53 GMT
A worn measuring jug walked into a bar. "Pint?" said the barman. "Litre" replied the jug. "Ok well let me know when you're ready", said the barman.
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Post by 828492 on Sept 3, 2023 11:54:14 GMT
A Tory, a liar and a cheat walked in to a meeting. ‘Let’s make it a priority to restore the health of our natural ecosystems,’ he said.
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Post by wannabee on Sept 8, 2023 15:28:16 GMT
I recently bought a wooden Van Gogh coffee table.
I've just noticed that it's got a bit of veneer missing
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Post by Clayton Wood on Sept 8, 2023 19:38:05 GMT
Not many people know that the toothbrush was invented by a Vale season ticket holder. Anybody else and it would have been called a teethbrush.
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Post by scfc1863 on Sept 11, 2023 10:26:49 GMT
A fella goes into a record shop and asks the assistant for 'Wooden Leg' by Elvis Presley.
The assistant smirks and replies, "Do you mean Wooden Heart?",
"No", says the fella, "I want the pirate copy".
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Post by Gunslinger on Sept 12, 2023 21:03:51 GMT
Hans, a man from West Germany decides to move at Eastern Berlin. His mother tells him: Hans, my boy. From the first moment that you cross the Iron Curtain, you are in dangerous territory. Don't dare to write me that there is something bad in a communist country. In your letters, you will use a blue pen if you are telling me the truth, and red pen if you are lying.
About 2 weeks later, the first letter arrives, and every word is blue:
My dear mother, the 2 weeks that have passed were enough to make me love the East Germany. The people are great, the system cares about everyone, and generally, there is a very pleasant atmosphere. The only negative is that I can't find red pen anywhere.
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Post by stokienorthants on Sept 14, 2023 12:28:23 GMT
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People who live in Dubai don’t like the Flinstones but those in Abu Dhabi do!
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Post by wannabee on Sept 16, 2023 1:17:12 GMT
A Business owner in Burslem was confused about how much he needed to settle an invoice he received, so he decided to ask his secretary Sharon for some help.
He called her into his office and said "Hey Shaz, if I were to give you £20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
After considering this for a moment she replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”
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Post by StatesideStokie on Sept 16, 2023 2:07:34 GMT
Sometimes it’s really hard being a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac.
I was awake all night last night wondering if there really is a dog.
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Post by wannabee on Sept 22, 2023 12:41:46 GMT
A Texan police officer called his station on his radio. "I have an interesting case here. An old lady has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just washed."
"Have you arrested the woman?" asked his sergeant.
"Not yet. The floor's still wet"
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Post by Clayton Wood on Sept 22, 2023 13:11:19 GMT
I named my Rottweiler's Timex and Rolex. They're watch dogs.
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Sept 22, 2023 16:57:34 GMT
I recently entered a competition to design a poster for the Erectile Dysfunction awareness campaign. I am pleased to announce that I've made it to the semis.
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Post by ilfracoombestokie3 on Sept 22, 2023 17:04:46 GMT
My wife was born female, she identifies as female, but according to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding, she's a family of four.
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Post by maxplonk on Sept 22, 2023 17:18:49 GMT
I had to give up running the origami club: I just couldn't handle the paperwork.
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Post by Clayton Wood on Sept 22, 2023 17:35:06 GMT
I had to give up running the origami club: I just couldn't handle the paperwork. Did it fold?
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Post by bigjohnritchie on Sept 22, 2023 17:54:40 GMT
I had to give up running the origami club: I just couldn't handle the paperwork. Did it fold? That's creased me up!
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Post by marylandstoke on Sept 22, 2023 18:06:59 GMT
Went past a place yesterday and they had a sign that said ‘We serve Breakfast anytime’
So I ordered bacon and eggs, during the renaissance.
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Post by lordb on Sept 22, 2023 19:43:30 GMT
You can get the World Oragami Championships on Sky Sports Paper view...
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Post by thehartshillbadger on Sept 22, 2023 19:44:25 GMT
You can get the World Oragami Championships on Sky Sports Paper view... I don’t know why but I’m tickled
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Post by wannabee on Sept 29, 2023 20:08:27 GMT
Blonde says to her friend: "My husband's suffers from dandruff and nothing we've tried seems to work."
Brunette Friend : "Oh, that's no problem. I gave my Husband Head and Shoulders and that did the trick."
Blonde : "How do you give Shoulders?"
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Post by chuffedstokie on Oct 2, 2023 18:17:35 GMT
I bought three gallons of Tipp ex today...
Big mistake.
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Post by chuffedstokie on Oct 3, 2023 2:41:38 GMT
"my mate has a quality street stuck in his throat...
"the purple one"..
"yeh, that's him"
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